• July 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:17 p.m. on Hwy 1 at Yerba Buena. Logs indicated the 30-year-old driver was allegedly driving in the blazes and was cited and released to a sober friend down at the police station.
• July 4: At 7:19 p.m. police responded to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., where a road sign jumped in front of a car. The 24-year-old driver was nicked for suspicion of driving wrecked.
• July 4: Police towed away a trailer parked too long in the 900 block of Quintana. At the same time and place, they marked a parked vehicle with a 72-hour move-it-or-lose-it ticket.
• July 4: Someone turned in something they found somewhere in the 400 block of Morro Bay Blvd.
• July 4: Police responded at 8 a.m. to a single vehicle crash in the 500 block of South Bay. Logs indicated a woman driver was cited and released to a sober friend for suspicion of driving on a razzle.
• July 3: An apparent disciple of Bacchus told police he was robbed in San Luis Obispo on July 2, and was assaulted by those same thugs earlier today. Police rushed their report over to SLOWPD.
• July 3: Police responded to a self-serve gas station in the 900 block of MBB where they’d apparently caught a sticky-fingered gent, 52, helping himself to the merchandise. He was cited and released for suspicion of shoplifting, and no doubt soon to have a bench warrant. However, turns out that the guy was also reported as missing, so they crossed him off the list.
• July 3: Police contacted a suspicious fellow out at 3:22 a.m. in the 700 block of Harbor. The 55-year-old scofflaw was nicked for a felony warrant.
• July 2: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 10:40 p.m. in Bayshore Bluffs park. The 25-year-old apparent Jackanapes was clicketed for suspicion of being UTI and possession of a stimulant.
• July 2: Police contacted a suspicious man at 5 p.m. in City Park on Harbor and the 42-year-old apparent nillionaire was arrested for suspicion of intoxifornication.
• July 2: Police responded to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where a man said some unknown scoundrel broke into his locked trailer stored in an RV lot and stole food and extra sets of keys to the trailer, no doubt so they won’t have to break in next time.
• July 2: Someone turned in a Capital One credit card they found at Centennial Park, an apparent case of guess what’s NOT in your wallet.
• July 2: Police noted that a missing person reported out of Buena Park had apparently been found safe if not entirely sound.
• July 2: Police responded at 9 a.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd. They arrested an apparently raucous fellow for suspicion of being UTI on drugs.
• July 1: Someone got into an unlocked car parked in the 700 block of Quintana.
• July 1: Police towed an apparently homeless vehicle from the 400 block of Napa.
• July 1: Police took a smashing report of grand theft in the 100 block of Atascadero Rd.
• June 30: Police responded to an auto garage in the 900 block of Quintana for a report of someone making threats, no doubt another satisfied customer.
• June 30: Another model citizen was causing a ruckus at 3:40 p.m. at Piney Way and South Street. A 35-year-old choleric fellow was tossed in the gaol for suspicion of wearing beer goggles.
• June 30: Yet another apparent reveler was raising Cain at 1:40 p.m. in the 500 block of Kern. A 31-year-old woman was hooked up for suspicion of public intoxication and hauled to the hoosegow.
• June 30: During the nightly dragnet, police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1 a.m. in the 1300 block of Main. The driver, 54, was arrested for suspicion of driving smacked on smack and landed smack dab in County Jail.
• June 29: Police were contacted by someone at 7:35 p.m. reporting that a man was missing; last seen while being released from County Jail. No word on where the jailbird flew off.
• June 29: Police responded to a reported assault at 4:45 p.m. at Harbor and Main. Logs indicated they arrested a 57-year-old ruffian for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon other than a firearm on a female victim.
• June 29: At 12:31 a.m. there was a car crash at Atascadero Road and Main. No further details were reported. Another minor crash was reported at 11:49 a.m. at the police station.
• June 29: Police responded at 11:30 a.m. to an assault in the 600 block of Bay Ave. Logs indicated they arrested a 36-year-old man for suspicion of domestic violence, mayhem, burglary and of course, violating a restraining order, like a tornado riding the back of a hurricane.
• June 29: At 10:38 a.m. police responded to the 500 block of Monterey for a reported case of domestic battery.
• June 28: Police contacted a suspicious man at 8 p.m. in the 600 block of Avalon. Logs indicated the man, 35, was allegedly found in possession of “a single round of rimfire ammunition,” for which, because he’s a convicted felon, police arrested him, a possible case of gun control run amok.
• June 28: Police contacted a suspicious man at 6 p.m. near Morro Rock. Logs indicated they arrested the apparently whacked fellow, 61 for allegedly being high on illegal drugs.
• June 27: Police responded to a reported disturbance at 6:30 p.m. in the 3300 block of Panorama. Logs indicated a 39-year-old man was nicked for suspicion disturbing the peace and being high on drugs, which explains a lot.
• June 27: Police responded at 5:11 p.m. to a no doubt hairy traffic crack-up in the 1200 block of Embarcadero.
• June 27: Police contacted a suspicious man at 3:30 p.m. in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd., who was allegedly moellered on drugs and in possession of paraphernalia.
• June 27: A citizen came to the stationhouse to complain about a tenant whose lease expired in May but refuses to move out and “is now trying to extort money out of him,” as apparently the security deposit was no comfort.
• June 27: A woman on Kings told police she was sexually assaulted 2 years ago in Morro Bay by some known scamboogah.
• June 27: Police responded to a business in the 500 block of Embarcadero for a report of a stolen paddleboard by some apparently larcenous scoundrel.
• June 26: A citizen in the 1500 block of White Pine Dr., told police of a shocking theft — two electric bicycles taken from in front of his house.
• June 26: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3 a.m. at Main and Morro Bay Boulevard. The driver, 31, was naturally nicked for suspicion of driving schnockered.
• June 25: At 11 p.m. police towed away a vehicle parked too long at the beach in the 1700 block of Embarcadero.
• June 25: Police contacted a suspicious man at 7 p.m. in the 1100 block of Main. Logs indicated the stimulating fellow, 48, was allegedly UTI and in possession of illegal stimulants.
• June 25: At 10:30 a.m. police sought out a 61-year-old scofflaw with a no-cite/release bench warrant and took the fellow to the iron bar hotel.
• June 24: A citizen came to the stationhouse and reported a case of “Attempt to corrupt the reputation of ex-spouse and disturb his peace in violation of a court order,” which police deemed a civil dispute.
• June 24: Someone turned in a cell phone they found somewhere in town.
• June 23: At 11:19 p.m. police contacted another suspicious man at Lila Keiser Park and arrested the 49-year-old model citizen for allegedly being UTI on stimulants.
• June 23: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. The driver, 34, was arrested for suspicion of driving stoned on meth, possessing paraphernalia, having no driver’s license, and a warrant out of Merced County. His female passenger, 39, was nicked for allegedly being high on drugs, as their stash apparently was gone or hidden where the sun don’t shine and the police won’t search.
• June 23: A citizen in the 300 block of Kings told police some cyber-crook stole money out of his or her bank account via remote computer. No word on the extent of the virtual larceny.
• June 23: Someone in the 1700 block of Embarcadero said his drone was stolen after it fell to earth when the juice ran out.
• June 23: Police received a report of suspected child abuse somewhere in town.
• June 23: Some unknown swamp donkey got into an unlocked car in the 500 block of Morro and stole whatever was handy and no doubt swappable for drugs.
• June 22: Police took a vandalism report at an apartment in the 500 block of Kings.
• June 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at noon in the 800 block of MBB. Logs indicated the driver, 50, was arrested for driving on a suspended license and for his fourth DUI in 10 years. Logs indicated the Idgit had a blood alcohol level of .25%, which logs note is over three times the legal limit (.08%), and no doubt a new record for these parts.