• June 21: Police were asked to help serve a stay-the-hell-away-from-me court order on some scamboogah in the 3000 block of Ironwood.
• June 21: Santa Maria Police asked for help dealing with a case in the 1000 block of Main. Logs indicated they had an arrest warrant for a member of the illuminutty for suspicion of stalking.
• June 20: Police responded at 9:30 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Monterey. Logs indicated a 25-year-old fellow was nicked for suspicion of disorderly conduct and being schnuckered in public. He was put out of our misery in County Jail.
• June 20: Police responded to a bicycle crash at 3:12 p.m. in the 1300 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the front tire came off a bicycle ridden by a 12-year-old kid, who went a**-over-teakettle and landed face first on the pavement (OUCH!). He or she suffered cuts to the face and will no doubt never work on their own bike again.
• June 20: Police stopped a suspicious car at 2 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the woman driver, 68, had a suspended license and was cited and released into a brave new world of bus riding.
• June 19: Police contacted a suspicious man at 11:41 p.m. in the area of Pacific and Embarcadero. Logs indicated the 26-year-old all star was allegedly high on drugs and in possession of drugs and got himself drug off to the hoosegow.
• June 19: Police contacted a suspicious man at 10:43 p.m. at Rite Aid on Quintana. Logs indicated the slapdash hombre, 48, was arrested for suspicion of being smacked on drugs.
• June 19: Police responded at 10 p.m. to the launch ramp in the 300 block of Embarcadero for a report of some unknown maniac brandishing a knife. No injuries reported and the ruffian apparently slithered away in the night.
• June 19: Police contacted a suspicious man at 7:49 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated they came across another citizen of the year who was arrested for suspicion of being stoned and possession of paraphernalia, his stash apparently gone or too well hidden.
• June 19: A citizen turned in a cell phone that he or she found walking on the beach in Cayucos.
• June 19: Police responded at 2 p.m. to the 400 block of Hillview to an un-neighborly dispute. A woman said a tree trimming company trimming her neighbor’s tree damaged her property, also called a Morro Bay felony.
• June 19: A business owner in the 2000 block of Main told police that some feculent fraud made two phony checks with her business’ name on them and cashed one of them.
• June 19: A man in the 200 block of Pacific said some unknown person broke into the locked camper shell of his U.S. Forest Service truck and stole a bunch stuff.
• June 19: Police responded at 3:23 a.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 1100 block of Morro. Logs indicated they documented a domestic dispute that happened in front of some children, no doubt a regular event with mommy and daddy Bickerson.
• June 18: A citizen turned in a Sawzall they found on Hwy 1 at Yerba Buena that apparently fell off a work truck.
• June 18: Police were called at 8 a.m. after multiple residents in the 200 block of Kern said hooligans had egged their homes and they’d found broken glass in their front yards.
• June 18: Police responded to Del Mar Park at 9:43 a.m. City parks workers said someone stole a wind screen off the tennis courts, in the latest example that people will steal anything.
• June 18: A citizen in the 200 block of Kern reported an “ongoing peace disturbance” involving a 54-year-old apparent zlub.
• June 17: A citizen in the 2900 block of Sandalwood reported getting threats electronically, which is why God invented call blocking.
• June 17: Police are investigating a case of alleged domestic battery in the 1000 block of Market.
• June 17: Police are investigating a reported burglary at a house under construction in the 3400 block of Toro Ln.
• June 17: Police responded at 12:45 p.m. to a car crash in the 300 block of Surf. No juicy details were available. Oddly, at 9:35 a.m. that same morning and at that same address, officers contacted a woman, 44, who had two bench warrants and she was off to see the wizard.
• June 17: Police contacted a suspicious fellow, 38, out at the suspect time of 12:18 a.m. at Main and Hwy 41. Logs indicated he was taken into custody on a mental health 72-hour hold after having an apparent bag lady moment.
• June 16: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:30 p.m. at Main and Harbor. Logs indicated the driver, 27, was nicked for suspicion of driving with beer goggles. He was cited and released and could probably really use a drink about now.
• June 16: Police contacted a familiar face, 49, with a warrant in the 200 block of Kern. He was cited and let go under the catch-and-release job security act.
• June 15: Police responded at 2:30 p.m. to the 200 block of Beach where some glowworm was causing a dustup at a community garden.
• June 14: Police responded at 10:16 a.m. to Morro Bay High after someone found an industrial drill over by the football stadium, where apparently some screwball left it.
• June 13: Some pirate stole an outboard motor from the 100 block of Bayshore Dr.
• June 13: Police responded at 11:22 a.m. to a traffic accident at Quintana and Main. Logs indicated they arrested a 59-year-old man for suspicion of driving wrecked and causing a crash. Logs indicated the apparently uncooperative squit refused a breath test and then refused a blood draw. So police got a court order and took him to French Hospital for a forced blood draw and then to the hoosegow.
• June 13: Police responded at 4:49 a.m. to the 2600 block of Main for a report of child abuse. Officers wrote up a report for suspected willful harm to a child and will send it to the district attorney for possible prosecution.
• June 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:30 p.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. The driver, 54, was nicked for suspicion of driving deep in his cups.
• June 12: Someone found something somewhere in the 800 block of Quintana.
• June 12: Someone left his or her electric bike outside their home in the 1000 block of Market and of course it was stolen.
• June 12: A man came to the police station and told police he was aiming to get rid of some live ammunition that he found at his father’s home.
• June 11: Police stopped another suspicious vehicle at 2:46 p.m. in the 1300 block of Main. The 64-year-old driver was arrested for suspicion of driving honked on meth and possession. Police took the fellow to French Hospital for a blood draw and then to the Parkinson Plaza.
• June 11: Police responded at 3:12 p.m. to the 300 block of Beach where someone slipped and fell, landing in a potential lawsuit.
• June 11: Someone reported a car crash at 10 a.m. at Main and Harbor. No gory details available.
• June 11: Police responded to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where someone stole a bicycle trailer, proving again that people will steal anything.
• June 10: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:30 p.m. at Avalon and Main. A 62-year-old tomato was arrested for suspicion of driving stewed.
• June 10: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 1:22 a.m. in the 200 block of Kern. Logs indicated the model citizen had a felony arrest warrant and was also allegedly high on drugs.
• June 10: Police responded at 9:32 a.m. to Main and Kern for a minor traffic accident. According to logs they arrested a 62-year-old man for suspicion of driving stoned and running into a traffic pillar on the shoulder of the road, proving once again that traffic safety equipment is dangerous.
• June 9: Police contacted a suspicious man at 5:40 p.m. in the 2300 block of Nutmeg. The 35-year-old role model was arrested for suspicion of being dosed on an undisclosed but illegal stimulant. He crashed in the County lockup.
• June 8: Some larcenous lowbrow with top shelf tastes, stole a bottle of Hennessey Cognac from Bottle Liquor, corner of Surf and Main.
• June 8: Police responded to a smash-n-dash at 7:11 p.m. in the 500 bloc of Atascadero Rd. Some evidence was apparently left behind in the crash but police simply documented the matter for insurance.
• June 8: Police stopped another suspicious vehicle at 5:33 p.m. in the 400 block of Kern. The driver, 50, was nicked for suspicion of driving under the influence of speed but apparently not for speeding.
• June 8: Police responded to Rite Aid for a report of someone obtaining prescription meds “by false impersonation.”