• Aug. 16: Police responded at 8:19 p.m. to a disturbance in the 100 block of Sienna. A 25-year-old woman was arrested for resisting arrest and of course being moellered in public.
• Aug. 16: A disturbed fellow was raising a ruckus at 3 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. A 54-year-old scofflaw had a felony and a bench warrant and was in possession of “intoxicating inhalants.” He’s got the sniffles in County Jail now.
• Aug. 16: Police responded at 1:36 p.m. to Front and Harbor where a parked car jumped in front of a skateboarding hooligan.
• Aug. 16: It was a rough morning for one local yokel, 42, as at 9:17 a.m. he was stopped by police in the 200 block of Dunes and cited and released for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia. Then at 12:41 p.m. in the 900 block of Piney Way, the same zhlub was nicked for the same charge, as he’d apparently had more than one hookah. This time he got booked, and was no doubt released immediately on no bail.
• Aug. 16: At 6:24 a.m. police contacted an apparent night owl, 35, who was arrested for suspicion of being high on illegal stimulants. He got to jail in time for breakfast.
• Aug. 15: Police contacted another suspicious subject at 9:09 p.m. in Lila Keiser Park. The 28-year-old snot waffle was cited and released for alleged possession of suspected drugs.
• Aug. 15: Yet another citizen of the year was nicked for being high on drugs, this time at 5 p.m. in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., anyone sensing a pattern here?
• Aug. 15: Police responded at 12:41 p.m. to the Sinclair Gas Station in the 900 block of MBB, where they’d found another credit card skimmer insidiously installed on one of their pumps.
• Aug. 15: Police contacted a 60-year-old woman in the 400 block of Trinidad who had two warrants. She was cited and released with no doubt her future, third warrant.
• Aug. 14: Two cars went boom at 9 p.m. in the 1200 block of Embarcadero. No gruesome details were released.
• Aug. 14: Police were called at 4:45 p.m. to Dutchman’s Landing in the 700 block of Embarcadero, where a man was roaming around screaming and harassing the decent folks out shopping. Police arrested the 20-year-old antichrist for suspicion of resisting arrest and battery. He had apparently also vandalized a cash register at a restaurant in the 900 block of Embarcadero about 15 minutes earlier. He chilled in the cooler.
• Aug. 14: Police towed an offensive vehicle from the 300 block of Panay for expired tags, no doubt a death sentence for that car.
• Aug. 13: Police responded to a disturbance at 3:17 p.m. to the 400 block of Bernardo and arrested a 26-year-old fellow for suspicion of making terrorist threats.
• Aug. 13: Police responded at 11:30 a.m. to a reported case of larceny at Coast Electronics in the 500 block of Quintana. A 37-year-old sticky-fingered woman was cited and released for suspicion of petty theft.
• Aug. 13: The warrant squad caught up to some real desperados at 8:33 a.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. A 46-year-old fellow was cited for bench warrants and a 24-year-old woman was cited for suspicion of possessing methamphetamine.
• Aug. 12: Multiple victims told police of money being fraudulently debited from their credit cards by scumbag skimmers.
• Aug. 12: Police responded at 3:34 a.m. to a domestic dustup in the first block of State Park Road. Logs indicated a 32-year-old louse was arrested for suspicion of spousal abuse and was checked into the County B&B, considerably worse accommodations than the Inn at Morro Bay.
• Aug. 11: Police took a petty theft report in the 2700 block of Greenwood and a task force will no doubt be formed.
• Aug. 11: Police at 4:43 p.m. contacted a man in City Park who was being a fooliot. The 58-year-old fellow was arrested for allegedly being UTI on stimulants.
• Aug. 10: At 8:15 p.m. police contacted a 51-year-old man in Lila Keiser Park whom they arrested for suspicion of being waxed on drugs.
• Aug. 10: Police responded to the 300 block of Quintana where someone had burgled a unit at Storage Depot.
• Aug. 10: At 1 p.m. police recovered a reported stolen car in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., but several no doubt valuable items had been kept by the thief.
• Aug. 10: Police responded to the 400 block of LaJolla for a report of credit card fraud.
• Aug. 10: Police responded at 10 a.m. to a domestic dispute in the 800 block of Ridgeway. Police determined it was a disputed divorce and no doubt left immediately.
• Aug. 9: At 11:44 a.m. police contacted a suspicious man in the 400 block of Tahiti. The model citizen, 36, was arrested for suspicion of being schwacked on illegal stimulants and was injected into the County hole.
• Aug. 9: Police responded at 9 a.m. to a disturbance in the 900 block of Piney Way. According to logs, a 39-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of threatening a police officer, making unreasonable noise (a.k.a. “raising Caine”), trespassing and being fit-shaced in public, which explains a lot. The apparent bounder was bound in shackles and tossed in the hoosegow to sleep it off. It was her second arrest in so many days, as at 11 a.m. Aug. 7, she got nicked on Morro Bay Boulevard for being on the warpath.
• Aug. 8: Police reported the identification of the person who vandalized the side of Foster Freeze, and the 22-year-old graffidiot is in trouble now.
• Aug. 8: Police stopped a suspicious driver at noon on Hwy 41 near Main. Logs indicated the 34-year-old driver was allegedly in possession of more than 28 grams (1 oz.) of jazz cabbage, and also got ticketed for failing to wear his seatbelt, winning this year’s first Bonehead of the Week Award.
• Aug. 8: A woman in the 1200 block of Embarcadero told police that her wallet was stolen, but then found it the next day, and no doubt in the last place she looked, too.
• Aug. 7: Police contacted a suspicious man at 10:47 a.m. at Main and Atascadero Road. Logs indicated the fellow was nipped in the bud for being smacked on drugs.
• Aug. 6: A citizen in the 100 block of Island told police he or she was defrauded in a grand theft.
• Aug. 6: Police were contacted by Adult Protective Services regarding a suspected sinful case of elder abuse by a son against his father in the 2800 block of Ironwood.
• Aug. 6: At 1:49 p.m. someone found drugs and paraphernalia apparently just lying about in Lila Keiser Park. Police took the weapons of mass destruction to destroy.
• Aug. 6: Police responded at 4 a.m. to a domestic dispute in the 500 block of Main. Logs indicated a man and woman, who have kids together, were in an apparent row. Police gave the fellow a ride to the bus station in SLO where he’ll apparently appear on a stage — the next one out of town.
• Aug. 5: Some petty thief committed petty theft at a business in the 500 block of Quintana.
• Aug. 5: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:51 a.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. According to logs, a 62-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of spousal or cohabitant abuse. She was swept off to the iron bar motel.
• Aug. 4: Police responded at 12:40 p.m. to an assault report in the 700 block of Market. Logs indicated a 36-year-old woman was nicked for suspicion of inflicting corporal injury to a spouse or cohabitant, and that hellcat too went into the cage.
• Aug. 4: Police responded to a disturbance at 9:19 a.m. in the 1100 block of Monterey. Logs indicated a 20-year-old woman was arrested for three counts of suspicion of child endangerment.
• Aug. 3: Police responded to a liquor store in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. where some sneaky thief stole hooch.
• Aug. 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4:18 p.m. in the 400 block of Embarcadero. A 48-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of driving on a toot.
• Aug. 3: A woman in the 800 block of Main told police her purse had apparently grown legs and run off.
• Aug. 3: A citizen in the 300 block of Embarcadero told police that some scalawag stole the license off his boat trailer, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.