• Aug. 30: Police responded at 3:45 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated they arrested a 34-year-old Chicago man for suspicion of being swilled in public in no doubt another case of arrive on vacation and leave on probation.
• Aug. 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1:45 p.m. in the 1000 block of Main. Logs indicated they cited the scofflaw driver, 38, for a suspended license.
• Aug. 30: Police responded at 1 p.m. to a suspected grand larceny at a gas station in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated a 20-year-old is suspected of stealing to the penny — $1,321.96 — from the business.
• Aug. 29: Police responded at 11:30 a.m. to a disturbance in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. They arrested a 53-year-old devotee of Bacchus for flexing beer muscles in public.
• Aug. 29: At 8:33 a.m. police at the stationhouse on Morro Bay Boulevard arrested a 54-year-old fellow for suspicion of being high on drugs, as sometimes they jump right into the boat.
• Aug. 29: Police responded at 10:30 a.m. to a hit-n-split crash in the 300 block of Surf. Logs indicated a 38-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of hit-n-run, driving smacked on drugs, possession of a crack pipe and nitrous oxide, a.k.a. laughing gas (which is so ‘80s). She was floated off to the hoosegow.
• Aug. 29: Police caught up to a real desperado at 8:18 a.m. at City Park on Harbor Street. The 63-year-old had two misdemeanor warrants. He was cited and released to catch another day, ‘cause here they throw the little ones back.
• Aug. 28: Police responded to a suspicious subject call at 10:30 p.m. at the Storage Depot in the 300 block of Quintana where they discovered a suspicious woman. A computer check revealed the 36-year-old delinquent had six misdemeanor warrants out for her, and only one was “citable” so she was checked into the County B&B.
• Aug. 28: Police responded to a disturbance at 5 p.m. at Piney Way and Piney Lane. A 53-year-old woman was nicked for suspicion of being bent in public. She too became a guest at the iron bar hotel.
• Aug. 28: Police and fire responded at 1:15 p.m. to Main and Driftwood for an elderly woman who injured herself when she fell on the sidewalk.
• Aug. 28: Yet another belle of the ball, 37, was contacted at 10:40 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. She had a pair of misdemeanor warrants and was cited and released.
• Aug. 27: Someone turned in a set of keys they’d found on the beach somewhere between Hwy 41 and San Jacinto Street, about a mile stretch.
• Aug. 27: Police responded at 5:38 p.m. to City Park for another drunken zhlub engaging in some pettifoggery and the 55-year-old Bacchanalian was nabbed for disorderly conduct and being deep in his cups.
• Aug. 27: Someone stole an iPhone at Morro Rock, no doubt another debit into the tourist tax.
• Aug. 27: Police responded to City Park at 1:30 a.m. for another apparent performance of the hairless ape exhibition. A 46-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of belting the grape in public.
• Aug. 27: Police responded at 12:56 a.m. to a report of a car that was afire at Motel 6.
• Aug. 26: Police took a vandalism report at a home in the 2400 block of Hemlock.
• Aug. 25: Police responded at 8:42 a.m. to a reported assault at, you guessed it — City Park. Logs indicated officers contacted a 41-year-old fellow apparently running wild whom they arrested for suspicion of being UTI, threatening an officer, resisting arrest, and possession of psilocybin — magic mushrooms — which explains pretty much everything.
• Aug. 24: Officers responded to the 400 block of LaJolla where a citizen turned in some magic mushrooms for police to make disappear.
• Aug. 24: Police stopped a suspicious car at the suspect time of 1:15 a.m. at Mesa and Kern. Logs indicated the male driver, 41, was arrested for suspicion of driving UTI of illegal stimulants and possession of drugs, no doubt the stash he was saving for tomorrow.
• Aug. 23: Yet another citizen reported credit card fraud at the Sinclair Gas Station.
• Aug. 23: Police were called at 1:15 p.m. to the 400 block of Dunes regarding a fellow slumped over the steering wheel of a truck. According to logs they discovered a 40-year-old man allegedly smacked on heroin, possessing a syringe loaded with suspected heroin, with a stash of drugs sitting on the seat next to him. He also reportedly had a suspected meth pipe in his pants pocket. He was injected into County Jail.
• Aug. 23: Police responded at 9:46 a.m. to a disturbance in the 800 block of Embarcadero. According to logs, a 29-year-old man was arrested for allegedly disturbing the peace by banging items in a store and chasing away customers. Police said he made “bizarre comments,” too, an apparent case of free speech run amok.
• Aug. 23: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at Coleman Beach at 2 a.m. They ran the 41-year-old’s ID and low and behold he had a misdemeanor arrest warrant. He was cited and released with no doubt his next bench warrant.
• Aug. 22: At 5:45 p.m. in the 700 block of Harbor, police contacted a regular customer with a warrant. She got another ticket and went about her business.
• Aug. 22: At 5 p.m. a woman with two warrants turned herself in at the police station. She was cited and released on her sincere promise to appear, next time.
• Aug. 22: Police responded at 12:35 p.m. to the Mobile Station on Morro Bay Boulevard where some poor fellow lost his wallet and other items, as apparently the tourist tax was levied.
• Aug. 22: A woman in the 400 block of Napa told police that someone entered her house and deleted a Samsung tablet.
• Aug. 21: Police responded at 4:42 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Napa. Logs indicated a 31-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of domestic battery.
• Aug. 21: At 11:10 a.m. an elderly man in apparent crisis in the 400 block of Luzon was rushed to French Hospital.
• Aug. 21: Police responded at 10:09 a.m. to a “general incident” in the 500 block of Kings. Logs indicated “insufficient evidence” was found, but of what? We do not know. So should we care? That is the question…
• Aug. 20: Police responded to the 2800 block of Hemlock where some larcenous scoundrel stole a check.
• Aug. 20: A man in the 300 block of Embarcadero told police that he was assaulted by his friend while driving, and with friends like that, who needs enemies?
• Aug. 20: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 6 p.m. at Elena and Cedar. The 35-year-old scofflaw had a felony warrant and went to the hoosegow.
• Aug. 19: Some wicked vandal struck in the 700 block of Embarcadero.
• Aug. 19: Police were called at 5:33 p.m. to Motel 6 in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., where a 22-year-old woman was apparently going berserk. Logs indicated she allegedly broke into a motel room and then assaulted a motel clerk. Police detained her and discovered her car was reported stolen, and they allegedly also found illegal drugs inside, which could explain a lot.
• Aug. 19: Police stopped a suspicious car at 2 p.m. at Quintana and South Bay. Logs indicated the 36-year-old driver was nicked for suspicion of recklessly driving while skunked.
• Aug. 19: Some graffidiot struck at a business in the 1100 block of Quintana, spray painting no doubt vile filth and debasing an innocent wall.
• Aug. 19: Police responded to a suspicious subjects call at 6:51 a.m. at Beachcomber and Whidbey Way. Logs indicated they discovered a man, 34 and woman, 39 and arrested them for allegedly being schwacked on drugs, possessing paraphernalia and having a stash of drugs, too.
• Aug. 18: Police booked into evidence surveillance video taken from somewhere on Embarcadero regarding a smash-n-dash and will turn it over to the D.A. for possible inaction.
• Aug. 18: Police responded at 3:15 p.m. to a minor car crack-up in the 700 block of Quintana.
• Aug. 18: There was another minor car crash at 12:36 p.m. at Main and Allesandro. Oddly enough, at 11:07 a.m. at Allesandro and La Loma, a garbage truck hit a sagging phone line, in yet another argument for wireless phones.
• Aug. 17: A citizen in the 400 block of Hill reported the unauthorized use of his debit card by some fraudulent scoundrel.
• Aug. 17: Police contacted another suspicious man traipsing about the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd., at 3:15 p.m. The 55-year-old slapdash fellow got nicked for allegedly being high on illegal stimulants.