• July 19: Police contacted a 55-year-old man at 11:15 a.m. in the 400 block of Bonita who was nicked for violating a stay-the-heck-away order and for being stoned on drugs.
• July 19: At 10:30 a.m. officers contacted yet another citizen of the year in the 500 block of Quintana. He too was tossed into the gaol for allegedly being schwacked on illegal stimulants.
• July 19: Police are investigating a case of petty theft in the 300 block of Dunes.
• July 19: Police and fire responded at 4 p.m. to the 300 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the man was taken to the hospital and police took his belongings for safekeeping.
• July 18: A citizen in the 400 block of Monterey said some scoundrel vandalized his vehicle.
• July 18: The opiate-fueled march to destruction continued with the arrest at 4:30 p.m. of an allegedly stoned fellow in the 900 block of Embarcadero.
• July 18: Police responded at 4 p.m. to a car accident in the 800 block of Piney Way. Logs indicated a 61-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of driving wrecked and crashing into a parked car. No injuries were reported, but it’s gonna hurt nonetheless.
• July 18: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3:55 p.m. on Hwy 1 at Yerba Buena. Logs indicated the car had a false license plate and the driver was arrested for allegedly driving wired.
• July 18: Police contacted a suspicious man at 12:18 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. The 26-year-old apparent desperado was arrested for suspicion of possessing a concealed firearm, a set of brass knuckles and two Billy clubs.
• July 17: Police contacted another suspicious man at 3:41 p.m. at City Park on Harbor. The 35-year-old crankster was arrested for being high as a kite on drugs and possessing paraphernalia, his stash no doubt hidden where the sun don’t shine and the police won’t search.
• July 16: Police started an investigation into a reported sexual assault.
• July 15: A man called police to check the welfare of his wife, who was traveling to Morro Bay from Idaho but hadn’t checked in for several hours after her flight.
• July 15: A worker at Taco Bell on Main told police that some scalawag took his bike and no doubt made a run for the border.
• July 15: Police were called at 10:21 p.m. by a man who said he was walking his dog on Elm Street and some apparent Freddie Krueger threatened him.
• July 15: Porch pirates apparently purloined a package off the porch of a person’s home in the 400 block of Morro.
• July 15: Police got a report at 4:30 p.m. of domestic violence in the 600 block of Embarcadero.
• July 15: A business in the 1700 block of Embarcadero reported a burglary and grand theft, as if the coronavirus closures hadn’t stolen enough
• July 15: Police took a report of suspected dependent-adult emotional abuse in the 400 block of Elena, and police sent a report to Adult Protective Services.
• July 15: Police responded at 11:38 a.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Sequoia. A 55-year-old hombre was arrested for suspicion of being UTI and resisting arrest, in another case of you can’t shovel water with a pitchfork. And a 39-year-old man was also popped for suspicion of being thick as a tick on drugs.
• July 15: Police towed away a Dodge Sportsman RV, model year, license plate and VIN number all unknown that was parked too long in the 1700 block of Embarcadero.
• July 14: Police responded at 5 p.m. to Coleman Drive where a kid was bitten by a dog.
• July 14: Another vehicle was towed from Kern and Pacific for an expired registration, a.k.a. getting DMV’d.
• July 14: Police contacted another suspicious man, 58, at City Park whom they arrested for suspicion of being krunked on drugs.
• July 14: Police responded at 5 a.m. to a home in the 2600 block of Ironwood where they located a runaway teenager from Monterey County and returned the imp to his or her no doubt worried parents.
• July 13: Someone found a red, woman’s wallet at Main and Shasta.
• July 13: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 1 p.m. in the 400 block of Trinidad. The 32-year-old belle of the ball was nicked for suspicion of being out of her tree on drugs.
• July 13: And from the “found files” — at 2 a.m. someone found some undisclosed property and turned it over to police.
• July 12: Police were summoned at 6:34 p.m. to the 1500 block of Embarcadero for someone who had died.
• July 12: Police towed away an offending vehicle from the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for not giving the DMV its pound of flesh.
• July 12: Police responded at 12:14 p.m. to an assault at the Mobile Station in the 900 block of MBB. A 21-year-old man reportedly attacked a store clerk. The apparent swamp donkey was arrested for suspicion of grand theft (from a person), battery and flapping-out in public, which explains a lot.
• July 12: Police contacted a familiar foe at 9:25 a.m. on Park Street. Logs indicated the scofflaw, 47, had three, no-cite-out warrants and was buckled up and hauled to the hoosegow.
• July 11: Police responded at 10:30 p.m. to Albertson’s Market on Quintana for a suspicious man outside the store. Logs indicated officers arrested a 42-year-old apparent wastrel for suspicion of being high on drugs and possession of paraphernalia, his stash apparently already spent.
• July 11: A 28-year-old woman turned herself in at the stationhouse for two bench warrants. She was cited and released to await her third.
• July 11: A missing adult that had been reported earlier was located in the 700 block of Harbor apparently safe and mostly sound. He was moved from the lost to the found files.
• July 11: Police responded at 1:55 a.m. to a domestic dispute in the 400 block of Harbor where they contacted a 29-year-old man. Logs indicated they didn’t arrest him at the time, but State parole officers paid the louse a visit and violated him back into jail.
• July 11: A citizen in the 700 block of Piney Way reported the theft of a display case with knives and jewelry, but then later called to cancel the report, a case of “Never mind.”
• July 11: Police contacted an apparent swagman at 8:30 a.m. at Lila Keiser Park. Logs indicated the model citizen, 38, had three warrants and was also allegedly in possession of drug paraphernalia. He was booked.
• July 11: Yet another popular fellow, 42, was picked up, at 8:36 a.m. in the 400 block of Nassau on a warrant.
• July 11: A disturbance was reported at 12:49 a.m. in the 400 block of Dunes. A 28-year-old fellow was nicked for being spifficated in public.
• July 10: Police responded at 10:10 p.m. to the 1100 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated a 48-year-old apparent madman was arrested for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, possession of drugs, a bench warrant and mayhem (there’s something you don’t see every day).
• July 10: Police responded at 9:23 p.m. to Rite Aid in the 700 block of Quintana for an assault report. No ruffians were arrested.
• July 9: Police responded at 11 p.m. to Albertson’s Market on Quintana Road for another disorderly fellow. The 46-year-old inebriate was nicked.
• July 9: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 9:30 p.m. in the 900 block of Piney Way. The 28-year-old was arrested for allegedly being buzzed on drugs.
• July 9: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 31, at 5:30 p.m. in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. She was charged with suspicion of being under the influence, in possession and having paraphernalia of illegal drugs. She was booked at the stationhouse and released to a responsible party.
• July 9: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 32, at 11:21 a.m. in the 900 block of Pacific. She was also arrested for suspicion of being schwacked on drugs, as there seems to be a lot of that going around lately.
• July 9: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:19 a.m. in the 1500 block of Main. The regular Speed Racer was ticketed for reckless driving.
• July 8: Yet another suspicious fellow was hanging around Rite Aid making a nuisance of himself at 8:15 p.m. Logs indicated the, 28-year-old choleric squit was arrested for drunk in public and possession of suspected methamphetamine.
• July 8: Someone broke into a car parked in the 500 block of MBB.
• July 8: Police responded at 9:25 p.m. to a car crash at Hwy 1 and Yerba Buena.
• July 7: At 9:30 p.m. police contacted an apparently disturbed woman at City Park in the 700 block of Harbor. The 57-year-old regular customer was arrested for suspicion of being bent in public.
• July 7: A citizen told police that his wallet had gone missing and some apparent scamboogah had used his debit card to make “multiple unauthorized transactions at multiple locations,” also called a larceny spree.
• July 7: Police responded at 8:48 a.m. to a car crash at Clarabelle and Radcliff. No injuries reported.
• July 7: Police responded at 8:13 a.m. to Sabetta’s Pizza in the 800 block of Main for a reported burglary. Money and other items were stolen.
• July 6: A citizen in the 2800 block of Hemlock reported a grand theft, and officers will no doubt have a jolly good time solving the case.
• July 6: At 4:30 p.m. in the 100 block of Kern officers contacted an apparent disciple of Bacchus, 35, who was arrested for “being drunk in public without the ability to exercise care/safety for himself or others,” a.k.a. getting’ skulled
• July 6: At 4 p.m. officers contacted a suspicious fellow, 24, in City Park and arrested him for suspicion of being UTI and possessing paraphernalia, a case of needing to find a better place to party.
• July 6: A green mountain bike was stolen from the skate park on Atascadero Road sometime between 11 a.m. and 12:20 p.m., as the ocean isn’t the only thing you shouldn’t turn your back on.
• July 6: Someone turned in some property he or she found in the North Pit parking lot. Later, police got a call from Atascadero Police regarding some pirate they had in custody with a stolen wallet and credit cards belonging to a local fellow. He told MBPD that the stuff was stolen off his sailboat.