• May 10: Police responded to the 1500 block of Main where some unknown Secret agent Double-O I.Q. vandalized an innocent car.
• May 9: Police contacted a regular customer at 10:51 p.m. in the 200 block of Harbor. Logs indicated the 26-year-old desperado had three warrants and was cited and released, a case of three’ll get you four.
• May 9: Someone reported a disturbance at 6 p.m. in the 700 block of Harbor. Police nicked a 50-year-old schnockered gal apparently having a bag lady moment.
• May 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7:37 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. A 64-year-old fellow was jailed on suspicion of driving on drugs.
• May 8: A citizen in the 500 block of Aleppo Dr. spoke to police about an un-neighborly felony.
• May 7: Police were called at 9 a.m. to the 1000 block of Quintana for a domestic disturbance. A 54-year-old louse was served with a temporary stay-the-hell-away order.
• May 6: Police were called at 5 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Trinidad. No arrests needed.
• May 6: At 1:54 p.m. to a crash at the Roundabout in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. No injuries reported.
• May 6: Some secret squirrel broke into unlocked cars parked in the 500 block of Estero and 300 Kern.
• May 5: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11 p.m. at Kern and Dana Way. Logs indicated the driver, 33, and his lady passenger, 26, both got snicker-doodled for suspicion of driving on drugs and possession of paraphernalia, their stash apparently went up in smoke.
• May 5: Police contacted a repeat customer at 8:12 p.m. in the 700 block of Harbor. The 57-year-old scofflaw had two no-cite warrants. A search allegedly found suspected meth in his britches and he went to Jail.
• May 5: Police were asked to check the welfare of a missing suicidal teenager from Tulare on San Jacinto. He or she was apparently better here than there.
• May 5: A woman in the 2800 block of Ironwood received several harassing email scams. She knew they were scams and did not respond, which is what the Mark as Spam button is for.
• May 5: The property manager at Morro Bay Mini Storage, 1000 block of Quintana, told police several locks were cut sometime between May 1-5. Police found no clues as to the identity of the Raiders of the Lost Junk.
• May 5: A woman in the 2700 block of Dogwood told police that an unknown thief stole $6,005.74 worth of jewelry. Logs indicated “No suspects and no arrests,” and no leads either.
• May 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10 p.m. on South Bay Boulevard. Logs indicated the driver, 26, had a suspended license, which naturally led to a search and discovery of a handgun, violating his probation.
• May 4: Police contacted a suspicious young woman at 9:23 p.m. in the 1900 block of Sunset. The 22-year old got busted for suspicion of possessing dope and paraphernalia. She was cited and released back into the wild.
• May 4: Police responded to a disturbance at 6 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. A 39-year-old apparent hellcat was arrested for suspicion of being toddy stricken.
• May 4: Police responded at 10:30 a.m. to Coleman Drive for a 6-year-old child that was bitten by a dog on a leash that was “out of owner’s control.” Logs indicated the incorrigible cur reportedly bit the child on the right side and wrist. Fire paramedics treated the kid for minor punctures and scratches. Police documented the incident for the lawsuit to follow.
• May 3: Police responded at 10 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1200 block of Main. Logs indicated a 45-year-old apparent ruffian was arrested for suspicion of domestic battery, as shelter-at-home creates another swamp donkey.
• May 3: Police responded at 4:45 p.m. to a family disturbance in the 2400 block of Elm. No arrests were needed this time.
• May 3: A man in the 1900 block of Sunset said his 23-year-old daughter was missing from a relative’s home in San Jose.
• May 3: At 5:19 p.m. police responded to the 800 block of Morro to help settle an uncivil financial dispute, because it always starts with money.
• May 1: A citizen in the 2700 block of Dogwood asked police to document another uncivil dispute, as Mr. King so famously said, “Can’t we all just get along?”
• May 1: Police responded at 12:48 p.m. to the 2700 block of Alder where a mother reported a missing child. Logs indicated the little rascal was found safe at a nearby relative’s house, and was returned home.
• May 1: A citizen in the 100 block of Orcas St., told police some thievin’ bilge rat stole a speaker out of his boat sometime overnight.
• May 1: Some poor schmuck lost his wallet. No word on where but then again if he knew where it wouldn’t be lost. Oddly enough the day before, someone turned in a wallet that he or she found but also didn’t say where.
• May 1: Police responded to the 400 block of Atascadero Rd., for a reported trespassing woman. They caught up to the suspected squit a block up the street and she was cited for suspicion of trespassing and released to no doubt soon have a bench warrant.
• May 1: At 7 a.m. in the 400 block of Quintana an old power pole said, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” PG&E was called.
• April 30: Police called County Mental Health at 8:53 p.m. regarding someone on Nutmeg Avenue having suicidal thoughts.
• April 30: Police responded at 7:40 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2600 block of Main. Logs indicated a 19-year-old hussy was cited and released for contributing to the delinquency of a juvenile delinquent and disturbing the peace. The minor was released to her proud grandmother.
• April 30: Police responded at 6:13 p.m. to Albertson’s Market on Quintana where a woman shopper said some thief stole her money, and this was BEFORE she checked out.
• April 30: At 2:40 p.m. police contacted a suspicious women at Beach and Main. Logs indicated a 52-year old was arrested for suspicion of being high on drugs. She was taken to French Hospital for a bloodletting and then to the hoosegow without incident, because you can’t shovel water with a pitchfork.
• April 30: A citizen in the 800 block of Lusita showed police predatory emails sent out randomly to try and steal money by making threats to harm people’s reputations, in this week’s example of why you can’t trust nothing on the Internet.
• April 30: A woman in the 2600 block of Nutmeg said her husband’s address was changed through the San Luis Obispo Social Security Office, which of course it means it can never be fixed.
• April 28: Police got a report from Child Welfare Services regarding a suspected child abuse incident of unknown severity occurring somewhere in the 300 block of Sequoia.
• April 29: Police contacted a familiar face at 10 p.m. in the 2600 block of Main. The woman, 35, was arrested for suspicion of being high on drugs and possession of paraphernalia, her stash apparently already shot.
• April 29: Police contacted yet another regular customer at 8 p.m. in the 700 block of Harbor. The 57-year-old woman had a bench warrant. She was cited and released with her soon-to-be second FTA.
• April 29: Someone found a wallet in the trash at City Park. Police returned it to the rightful owner.
• April 28: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 10:37 p.m. in the 900 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the 38-year-old apparent scoundrel was allegedly in possession of stolen property, methamphetamine and “admitted to stealing the items he was in possession of,” according the MBPD media logs. The little devil’s donut was nicked.
• April 28: Police were called at 1:31 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2900 block of Alder. Logs indicated a 68-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of being deep in her cups. She was booked into the Parkinson Plaza, where she should be eligible for the new get-out-of-jail without bail reform program.
• April 28: Police joined the fire department at 12:27 a.m. on a medical aid call in the 500 block of Yerba Buena. Logs indicated a juvenile boy or girl “became unconscious after smoking marijuana.”
• April 28: Police caught up to a wanted man at 3 a.m. in the 200 block of Beach. The 21-year-old desperado had two out-of-county warrants. He was issued a future third warrant and released, which ought to fix his wagon fer sure.
• April 28: Police responded at 2:30 a.m. to the 700 block of Harbor where an officer served a domestic violence restraining order against some feculent zhlub.
• April 27: Police contacted a swizzle stick swaggering about at Main and Harbor at 11:38 p.m. Logs indicated the 52-year-old ripened fellow was plucked up for suspicion of being pickled in public. A bit earlier at 11 p.m. and at the same corner, police cited some mope for alleged possession of a crack pipe.
• April 27: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8 p.m. on Southbound Hwy 1. Logs indicated the 40-year-old driver was arrested for suspicion of driving stoned.
• April 27: Police responded to Rite Aid where someone had pulled a fast one with a drug prescription.