• Jan. 10: Police responded at 9:11 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2000 block of Bayview. Logs indicated a 36-year-old apparent plod was arrested for suspicion of being smacked on drugs.
• Jan. 10: Police responded at 9 p.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 500 block of Kern. A 32-year-old apparent battleaxe was nicked for suspicion of domestic violence.
• Jan. 10: Police responded at 7:11 p.m. to a disturbed man acting out in the 500 block of Quintana. Logs indicated they arrested the apparently choleric fellow, 46, for suspicion of being rat-arsed in public, possession of drugs and paraphernalia, which explains a lot.
• Jan. 10: Police were called at 10:38 a.m. regarding a man suspected of drinking while driving. When they stopped the car at Hwy 1 and San Jacinto the driver, 55, had stepped out of his car but the officer noticed a half-pint bottle of hooch lying on the passenger side floorboard. Police ran the guy’s name and discovered he had a suspended license. He was nicked for no license and having an open container.
• Jan. 9: Someone found an undisclosed treasure in the 500 block of Main and gave it to police. Then officers filed a located-missing-person report, apparently making a find of their own.
• Jan. 9: Police responded at 1:49 p.m. to a report of someone driving erratically in the Albertson’s parking lot. Logs indicated they stopped the vehicle and the driver, 35, was nicked for suspicion of driving on a toot, possession of drugs and paraphernalia. He was checked into the County B&B.
• Jan. 9: Police got a “notice of suspension for non-compliance priority re-examination” on someone’s competency to drive, which bodes ill for the rest of humanity.
• Jan. 8: Some apparent vandalass damaged an innocent car on Hwy 1.
• Jan. 8: Two people found some undisclosed junk and turned it over to police.
• Jan. 7: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 9:24 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. The 24-year-old lass had four bench warrants and police added allegations of possession of paraphernalia and being stewed to the tomato’s list of woes.
• Jan. 5: Police contacted a regular customer at 7:15 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the 36-year-old regular customer was arrested for suspicion of being UTI, possession of meth, and a parole violation. She was booked into the Parkinson Plaza.
• Jan. 5: Police were at Lila Keiser Park at 12:38 a.m. contacting a suspicious woman. The 27-year-old was nicked for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia. While speaking with the belle of the ball, some dude walks up to them and when they ran his name discovered the dingus had a warrant. Then at 1:03 a.m. and still at the park, police contacted another suspicious man, 50, who was arrested for allegedly being under the influence and possessing a crack pipe. The three stooges went to jail.
• Jan. 4: Police found a suspicious trailer parked in the 1000 block of Kennedy Way. They discovered that it was stolen from Shelter Const., which apparently didn’t even know it was missing and notified the CHP they had found it.
• Jan. 4: Police got a courtesy report from the Simi Valley P.D. detailing an alleged sexual assault incident involving two minors.
• Jan. 3: A fellow reportedly got a little lighter in the booty when he lost his wallet at Albertson’s on Quintana Road. Ironically, about 6 hours earlier, someone found a wallet in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd.
• Jan. 3: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 10 a.m. at Main and Atascadero Road. Logs indicated the apparent bust-a-fooligan, 33, was nicked for suspicion of being higher than the stacks on drugs.
• Jan. 2: Police responded to a disturbance at 10:30 p.m. in the 600 block of La Loma Ave. A 58-year-old raucous chap was arrested for getting sloppy in public.
• Jan. 2: Someone found a wallet at City Park in the 700 block of Harbor and sometime earlier, someone found something or other somewhere in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., logs weren’t very specific.
• Jan. 1: A local fellow celebrated the end of 2020 in County lockup after he allegedly vandalized a building in the 2900 block of Main. The misbegotten knave, 62, was cited and released from the police station, no doubt after getting a taste of what handcuffs feel like.
• Dec. 31: Police contacted a suspicious man at 8 p.m. in the 1200 block of Main. The 53-year-old zig-zagged fellow was arrested for suspicion of being schwasted on drugs and possession of a crack pipe.
• Dec. 31: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:30 p.m. in the 1300 block of Main. The 34-year-old Fresnoid had a suspended license, and was cited and released, and the car was turned over to a passenger who actually has a driver’s license. Yet another case of arrives on vacation and leaves on probation.
• Dec. 31: Police responded at 3:30 p.m. to a disturbance in the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd. A 34-year-old squit was nicked for suspicion of getting squashed in public.
• Dec. 31: Police contacted an under-aged boy or girl at 1:30 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., and cited the little snot waffle for suspicion of possessing the evil weed.
• Dec. 31: Police took a report of stolen bicycles at 11 a.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero, as the tourist tax is again levied on naively unsuspecting visitors.
• Dec. 30: At 11:52 a.m., police responded to a disturbance in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated they gave an upset lady a 72-hour timeout with County Mental Health.
• Dec. 30: According to logs, a man in the 500 block of Embarcadero twice called 9-1-1 reportedly for a non-emergency, and told the dispatcher that “he loved her.” Officers spotted the love struck one, 39, after he stopped his car in the middle of the road. He was of course arrested for suspicion of driving deep in his cups.
• Dec. 29: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:45 p.m. in the 1400 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the driver, 18, had a suspended license, which led to his being searched and arrested for suspicion of driving wasted on drugs and possessing Xanax without a prescription. He was taken to French Hospital for a bloodletting and then to the hoosegow to sleep it off.
• Dec. 29: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 8 p.m. at Rite Aid. The 22-year-old scofflaw had a warrant. He was cited and released with his next bench warrant.
• Dec. 29: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:37 a.m. on Hwy 41 heading out of town. Logs indicated the 36-year-old driver was arrested being forshnicked on drugs.
• Dec. 28: Police contacted a 22-year-old woman at 9:21 p.m. in the 1600 block of Main. Logs indicated she was allegedly in possession of Xanax without a prescription and was cited and released to go replenish her stash.
• Dec. 28: Police responded at 10 a.m. to the La Serena Inn in the 900 block of Morro where they contacted a 27-year-old fellow whom they arrested for suspicion of trespassing, burglary, defrauding an innkeeper and possession of stolen property. Secret agent Double-O I.Q. was tossed into the gaol.