• Oct. 4: Police were called at 1:30 p.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., where some mutt’s dog bit somebody.
• Oct. 4: Someone found a wallet in the 2600 block of Main and turned it over to police. No word on whether it was a tad lighter when found than when lost.
• Oct. 3: Police responded at 10:17 p.m. to the 500 block of Embarcadero for a “marital argument,” which sounds like a case for Dr. Phil.
• Oct. 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3:30 p.m. out by the Rock. The driver, 52, was actually arrested for suspicion of driving stoned on the evil weed and he made a bummer trip to the hoosegow.
• Oct. 3: Police contacted a suspicious man and woman at 11:45 a.m. by the beach in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. The belle, 18 was arrested for suspicion of being a minor in possession of and drinking hooch, plus hangin’ with Mary Jane. The fella, 21, got popped for suspicion of being pooped in public. Logs indicated the dingus was so drunk… (How drunk was he?) He had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance.
• Oct. 3: Someone found an apparent stash bag in the 200 block of Surf. Inside were two used syringes, one was apparently already shot and the other loaded for bear. Police will destroy them, unless some fool actually tries to claim them.
• Oct. 3: Police caught up to a familiar foe, 46, in the 200 block of Harbor. Logs indicated the scofflaw had two bench warrants and the yo-yo was cited and released only to catch again when he’s got three.
• Oct. 3: Someone in the 400 block of Quintana reported vandalism and police are now hunting the graffidiot.
• Oct. 3: Police contacted an apparent regular customer, 41 at Morro Rock at 2:40 a.m. He was nicked for violating a court order, or as they say, “Woo, woo, woo — You broke the law!”
• Oct. 2: Police responded at 6:30 p.m. to the 700 block of Center Ct., where they hooked up a 30-year-old woman with a felony warrant.
• Oct. 2: A citizen in the 100 block of Mindoro complained about an ongoing problem of hooligans trespassing on their property.
• Oct. 1: Police responded to a disturbance at 9:35 p.m. at a motel in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. An apparently drunken Illuminasti was saying he wanted to hurt himself while playing whack-a-ding-dong in front of the guests. He was arrested and put out of our misery.
• Oct. 1: Police responded to a domestic disturbance at 9:55 p.m. in the 400 block of Nassau. Logs indicated a 23-year-old apparent battleaxe was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence and brandishing a deadly weapon.
• Oct. 1: Police responded at 6:30 p.m. to the 3100 block of Orcas Way for a report of misbegotten knaves repeatedly trespassing.
• Oct. 1: Some apparent Momist called police at 5:30 p.m. to complain about loud music coming from the Thai Bounty Restaurant in the 500 block of Embarcadero.
• Oct. 1: Police responded at 5 p.m. to a car crash at Monterey and Morro Bay Boulevard. No carnage to report.
• Oct. 1: Police contacted a woman at 1:45 p.m. in the 800 block of Napa. Logs indicated the scofflaw, 51, had “multiple outstanding felony and misdemeanor warrants” — this week’s winner of the “Scofflaw of the Month” Award.
• Oct. 1: Police responded at 1:25 a.m. to Coleman Drive at Embarcadero where they towed away a vehicle for parking too long in one place and for having false registration tags, hanging offenses in the Golden State.
• Sept. 30: At 5 p.m. police towed a vehicle from the 200 block of Marina for violation of the City’s move-it or lose-it law.
• Sept. 30: Police responded at 9:30 a.m. to an assault report in the 300 block of MBB. Logs indicated a 48-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence.
• Sept. 29: A woman in the 300 block of Tahiti called 9-1-1 at 6 p.m. and said her roommate was “extremely intoxicated.” The apparently blindoed fellow was rushed to the hospital via ambulance.
• Sept. 29: Someone called police at 7 p.m. from the 600 block of Quintana and reported a choleric man was ramming a shopping cart into someone’s car and denting the vehicle. The scamboogah got away.
• Sept. 29: Police responded at 2 p.m. to City Park for a disturbed fellow causing a ruckus. A 33-year-old skulled fellow was too blotto to care for himself let alone anyone else, and was checked into the Parkinson Plaza to sleep it off.
• Sept. 29: A man told police he’d had the tourist tax taken out of his vehicle while parked at Morro Rock.
• Sept. 29: A citizen called at 6:42 a.m. and said someone broke into his or her storage unit in the 400 block of Napa and stole a bunch of stuff they no doubt haven’t seen in years.
• Sept. 29: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1:27 a.m. on State Park Road. Logs indicated the driver hit the trifecta — no license, no insurance and no headlights — an of course no scruples.
• Sept. 29: Police roused a fellow at 12:32 a.m. sleeping in his vehicle at Bayshore Bluffs Park. The 56-year old had a warrant and was cited and released to go sleep somewhere else.
• Sept. 28: Someone socially distanced with a cell phone at the high school.
• Sept. 28: Police responded to a disturbance at 10:18 a.m. in the 900 block of Piney Way. Logs indicated a 22-year-old ruffian was arrested for resisting arrest — “after striking/hitting arresting officers with hands and feet,” according to logs. The apparent scrapper was tossed to the nick.
• Sept. 28: Police towed a car from the 300 block of Bonita. And someone in the 600 block of Morro reported his or her car was stolen, a case of different means arriving at the same ends.
• Sept. 27: Police responded at 3 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 46-year-old fellow was nicked for suspicion of flapping out in public.
• Sept. 27: Police responded to a car crash at 1 p.m. at Marina and Morro. No gruesome details were released.
• Sept. 26: Two more cars went badda-boom at 7:45 p.m. in the 2400 block of Laurel. No injuries reported.
• Sept. 26: And two more people apparently forgot how to drive and collided at 5 p.m. at Del Mar School in the 500 block of Sequoia.
• Sept. 26: Police contacted a suspicious man at 4 p.m. in the 1500 block of Main. Logs indicated the model citizen, 22, was arrested for suspicion of being stoned on illegal drugs.
• Sept. 24: MBPD sent its expert drone pilot to Templeton to photograph some undisclosed skullduggery.
• Sept. 24: Someone dropped a driver’s license they found through the stationhouse’s lobby door.
• Sept. 24: A citizen in the 1900 block of Main said some scoundrel stole his bike.
• Sept. 23: Some scallawag vandalized an innocent car parked in the 3000 block of Hemlock.
• Sept. 23: police responded at 1:25 p.m. to an assault report in the 2600 block of Main. A 51-year-old man was arrested for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.
• Sept. 23: A citizen in the 400 block of Zanzibar told police their package from Amazon never arrived, a suspected case of porch piracy.
• Sept. 22: Police responded at 10 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Trinidad. Logs indicated they discovered that “the interior of a residence is filthy and full of items making it almost uninhabitable,” an apparent case of one man’s castle is another man’s sty.
• Sept. 22: A citizen in the 400 block of Shasta told police he or she had been defrauded out of $808.12.
• Sept. 22: A car crash was reported at 6:30 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. The driver was taken to the hospital.
• Sept. 21: At 10:45 p.m. police contacted a suspicious man at Pacific and Main who matched the description of a guy wanted in an earlier assault case at La Serena Inn. The guy, 27, was taken back to the motel where the victim reportedly identified the zhlub and he was arrested and charged with suspicion of battery.
• Sept. 21: Yet another car crash was reported, this time at 5:25 p.m. in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. No injuries.
• Sept. 21: Police responded at 2:14 p.m. to Monterey and Anchor for a charge of domestic battery. No arrests yet.
• Sept. 21: At 12:49 p.m. police contacted a 22-year-old woman who had two bench warrants. She was given her third and let go.
• Sept. 21: A citizen in the 2800 block of Alder said some feculent fraudster stole a check and deposited it.
• Sept. 21: At 2:40 a.m. a woman came to the police station and asked to have an ambulance take her to the hospital, in this week’s example of “To protect and serve…”