• Oct. 18: An officer arrested a stripped bike found abandoned in the 700 block of Quintana.
• Oct. 17: Some apparent Illuminutty shattered a huge window at the Family Dollar Store in the 400 block of Quintana, no doubt another satisfied customer.
• Oct. 17: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 2:20 p.m. in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the apparent hipster was allegedly on drugs and his high got pipped at the post.
• Oct. 16: Police were called 11:38 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana where a woman said some unknown, brazen, scoundrel reached into her car and grabbed her fanny pack, which was apparently not attached to her fanny at the time. Police have no leads and are apparently chasing their fannies.
• Oct. 16: Police contacted a swizzle stick waltzing up Monterey at Surf at 4:30 p.m. Logs indicated the fellow had allegedly been flexing his beer muscles and was checked into the County B&B to sleep it off.
• Oct. 16: Some porch pirate struck at a house in the 200 block of Kern.
• Oct. 16: Police responded at noon to a residence in the 500 block of Main, where they contacted a suspicious fellow prowling about. The 54-year-old sneak was arrested for suspicion of trespassing, possession of paraphernalia and being schwacked on drugs, which explains a lot.
• Oct. 16: Police responded at 8:40 a.m. to a burglary in the 600 block of Harbor. Logs indicated a 27-year-old dingus was arrested for suspicion of burglary, possessing stolen items including drug paraphernalia.
• Oct. 16: Police responded to the City Corp Yard in the 100 block of Atascadero Rd., where some energized thief made off with a City-owned generator. Police have generated no leads.
• Oct. 15: Police responded at 11:15 p.m. to a disturbance in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated a 41-year-old raucous fellow was tossed in the gaol for suspicion of getting deep in his cups.
• Oct. 15: Police responded at 6:20 p.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of Embarcadero. A 65-year-old fellow was cited with a citizen’s arrest for suspicion of disturbing the peace, an apparent case of mutiny on the Thai Bounty.
• Oct. 15: Police found another orphaned bicycle in the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Earlier they found another unloved bike in the 700 block of Quintana.
• Oct. 15: Police towed a car parked too long in the 600 block of Piney Way.
• Oct. 14: Two cars collided at 2:15 p.m. at Main and Beach. No word on the carnage. At literally the same time, another crash was reported in the 300 block of Quintana.
• Oct. 14: Police responded at 12:24 p.m. to the 1600 block of Main to assist the Sheriff’s Department and Child Welfare Services with some undisclosed boggle.
• Oct. 14: A disturbance was reported at 9:46 a.m. in the 300 block of Surf. Logs indicated a 58-year-old woman was popped for suspicion of belting the grape a tad too hard.
• Oct. 14: Police responded at 10:10 a.m. to the 600 block of Embarcadero where someone tripped and landed in a potential lawsuit.
• Oct. 14: Police responded to the Harbor Patrol boatyard down by the creek where some scalawag stole their generator. Again, no leads were generated.
• Oct. 13: A citizen in the 800 block of Napa reported the fraudulent use of an EDD unemployment card for a loss of $6,000.
• Oct. 14: A citizen told police that some hoodlum in Las Vegas ran up a big bill on his credit card, in another case possibly related to the recent ID skimmers found at the Sinclair Gas Station, the theft that just keeps on thievin’.
• Oct. 14: A car crack-up was reported at 2:15 p.m. in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd.
• Oct. 13: Someone in the 600 block of Harbor reported his or her bike was stolen (see items above for possible solutions).
• Oct. 13: Police responded to a disturbance at 1:45 p.m. in City Park on Harbor. A 30-year-old fellow was arrested for resisting arrest after he allegedly challenged to fight and then fled from the police, who after all do carry guns.
• Oct. 13: Police responded to a reported assault at 11:36 a.m. in the 300 block of Surf. Logs called it an elder abuse case and are investigating the sinner.
• Oct. 13: Someone reported a smash-n-dash at 11:45 a.m. at Main and Dunes.
• Oct. 12: Police assisted the Sheriff’s Department investigating a suspected honey oil lab at the Estero Bay RV Park in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd., that reportedly exploded and badly burned the suspected cooker, who was flown to a burn center in Fresno with burns to his hands and face.
• Oct. 12: Police contacted a 53-year-old scofflaw that was making a pest of herself at Albertson’s Market. Naturally, she had a warrant and so was given another piece of paper with a new court date that she’s not likely to keep either.
• Oct. 12: Police are investigating a reported case of suspected sexual penetration with a foreign object.
• Oct. 11: Police responded at 10:39 p.m. to Main and Harbor where they arrested a 65-year-old bone to the marrow stupid fellow who was nicked for suspicion of indecent exposure and being schnockered. This little piggy went wee-wee-wee off to the hoosegow.
• Oct. 11: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 5:40 p.m. in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd. The 52-year-old woman was arrested.
• Oct. 9: At 4:58 p.m. someone reported a car crash at Morro and Marina. At 5:05, someone reported another car crash at Atascadero Road and Main. Neither reported injuries.
• Oct. 9: Police contacted a familiar foe at 1:18 p.m. at Nain and Atascadero Road. Logs indicated the 40-year-old nillionaire had a warrant. He also allegedly confessed to police that he was in possession of drug paraphernalia and was high as the stacks, too. He was booked; the rare honest man in jail.
• Oct. 9: At 9 a.m. police came across an abandoned trailer in the 100 block of Atascadero Rd., that was reported stolen from San Luis Obispo. The owner was notified.
• Oct. 8: Police are investigating a hit-n-split in the 2400 block of Laurel Ave.
• Oct. 8: Police contacted a gambling fellow at 1 p.m. in City Park who was holdin’ a winning hand — four local misdemeanor and two out-of-county felony warrants.
• Oct. 8: Another car crash was reported, this time at 7:38 a.m. in the 400 block of MBB.
• Oct. 7: Police responded at 12:48 a.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Tahiti. Logs indicated a 39-year-old bounder was arrested for suspicion of making criminal threats.
• Oct. 6: Police responded to a domestic disturbance at 8:52 p.m. in the 500 block of Kern. A 41-year-old louse was arrested for suspicion of corporal injury and domestic violence.
• Oct. 6: At 8 p.m. police contacted a 58-year-old man in the 2600 block of Main and arrested him for the Arroyo Grande Police Department.
• Oct. 6: Police responded to the 1300 block of Bolton Dr., where a citizen said he or she was the victim of “theft by false pretenses,” by some no doubt thievin’ bilge rat, too.
• Oct. 6: Someone in the 1300 block of Prescott turned in meth and needles for police to destroy, a case of kicking somebody’s habit.
• Oct. 6: At 7:37 a.m. someone reported another car crash, this time in the infamous Roundabout, as apparently “yield left, turn right” is too complicated for some folks.
• Oct. 5: Someone vandalized a storage unit in the 400 block of Quintana, no doubt a bungled burglary attempt.
• Oct. 5: Police responded at 12:10 p.m. to the 900 block of Main, where they arrested a 30-year-old man for suspicion of fraudulently impersonating a police officer, possession of burglary tools and drug paraphernalia. He was taken to County Jail where he’ll impersonate an inmate.
• Oct. 5: Police responded at 3:18 a.m. to a reported prowler in the 900 block of MBB. Police arrested a 53-year-old hombre for suspicion of prowling and booked him into the Parkinson Plaza.