• Nov. 15: Police contacted a suspicious man at 2:42 p.m. at Albertson’s Market on Quintana Rd. The 28-year-old bounder was nicked for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs. He crashed in the hoosegow. It was his second run-in with the law in so many days. On Nov. 14 at 8:13 a.m. on Beach Street he was arrested for possession of suspected drug paraphernalia and had a couple of invitations to tea from the judge, for which he failed to show.
• Nov. 14: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:48 p.m. at Main and Quintana Pl. The 41-year-old driver was tossed into the gaol for suspicion of driving forshnicked.
• Nov. 13: Police responded at 11:43 p.m. to Motel 6 in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., for a reported burglary. Logs indicated a man said someone stole a wallet and cash out of his motel room.
• Nov. 13: Police responded to a home on Surf Street at 8:30 a.m. where a 35-year-old woman said she was sexually assaulted.
• Nov. 11: Some unknown thievin’ bilge rat stole two backpacks from the beach by Morro Rock, so round up the usual suspects.
• Nov. 11: Police took a report of theft and vandalism by some unknown misbegotten knave at a condo in the 900 block of Morro Ave.
• Nov. 11: Police responded to a traffic smash-up at 8:43 a.m. at Main and Dunes, a troublesome intersection with two of the busiest Downtown businesses — Tacos de Mexico and Bottle Liquor & Deli — which perhaps, ought to be a 4-way stop, like every other intersection for blocks. No injuries were reported but the cars were totaled.
• Nov. 9: Police responded at 8:21 p.m. to the 2600 block of Ironwood for a missing hooligan. Logs indicated he or she has left home without notifying their parents four or five times over the past few weeks. The kid’s tortured parents said the imp always returns the next morning and won’t say where they’ve been.
• Nov. 9: Police responded at 8:34 a.m. to Morro Strand RV Park in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., where some larcenous scamboogah had extracted the tourist tax.
• Nov. 8: Someone found something somewhere in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs weren’t very specific.
• Nov. 8: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 4 p.m. in the 1900 block of Main. Logs indicated the 62-year-old apparent swamp donkey was allegedly in possession of suspected illegal drugs and was cited and released with a future bench warrant.
• Nov. 8: A citizen in the 500 block of Main reported his or her bicycle was stolen, and probably traded for drugs.
• Nov. 8: At 1:12 a.m. police contacted a suspicious woman, 26, who was cited for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia and released, her stash no doubt hidden where the sun don’t shine and the cops won’t look.
• Nov. 7: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:13 p.m. somewhere on Main Street. Logs indicated the 64-year-old driver was nicked for suspicion of driving honked.
• Nov. 7: Police responded at 5:47 p.m. to Embarcadero and Driftwood where a guy said he lost his wallet somewhere on the Sandspit.
• Nov. 7: Someone in the 400 block of Little Morro Creek Rd., said his or her bike was missing.
• Nov. 7: Police responded at 3:19 p.m. to a disturbance in the 700 block of Harbor. A 42-year-old fooliot was flexing his beer muscles.
• Nov. 7: A man said he lost his wallet in the 400 block of Quintana.
• Nov. 7: Police responded at 11:15 a.m. to Bottle Liquor & Deli in the 900 block of Main where they caught someone allegedly shoplifting. The sticky-fingered master criminal was cited and released.
• Nov. 6: At 11:55 p.m. police contacted a 24-year-old woman somewhere on South Bay Blvd. Ol’ She-Ra was arrested for alleged possession of a switchblade.
• Nov. 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:50 p.m. in the 1400 block of Main. Logs indicated the 22-year-old driver was arrested for suspicion of drunk driving.
• Nov. 6: Police responded at 1:11 p.m. to a car crash at Main and Errol St. No word on injuries but the cars will never be the same.
• Nov. 6: Police arrested a 60-year-old man in the 700 block of Quintana on suspicion of elder abuse and violating a restraining order.
• Nov. 6: Police responded to the 300 block of Dunbar, where a citizen said an apparently feculent family member had ripped them off.
• Nov. 5: Police contacted a regular customer at 8:53 p.m. by the beach on Atascadero Road. Logs indicated the 40-year-old man was arrested for suspicion of possessing drugs and paraphernalia. It was the squit’s second date with Johnny Law in a week, as on Nov. 3 at 3:19 a.m. the 300 block of Marina, he was popped for alleged possession of drugs and paraphernalia, which ain’t gonna make the judge too happy.
• Nov. 4: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 9:34 p.m. in the 1200 block of Main. Logs indicated the 48-year old was arrested for suspicion of getting spanked on drugs.
• Nov. 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6 a.m. on Southbound Hwy 1 at Morro Bay Boulevard. Logs indicated they arrested the 19-year-old snot waffle driving for suspicion of being UTI of drugs and having a suspended license.
• Nov. 3: Police responded to a domestic disturbance in the 1300 block of Main but the suspect had already split the scene. They caught up to the hombre later and arrested him for suspicion of being spun on meth, which explains a lot.
• Nov. 2: Police responded at 11:22 p.m. to a domestic dustup in the 300 block of Oahu. Logs indicated a verbal argument escalated into a “SLAP!” but with no visible injuries. Police documented the incident for when the slap turns into a punch.
• Nov. 2: A man called police and said his soon-to-be-ex-wife charged $423 on his business account at Miner’s Hardware, a hanging offense in some parts.
• Nov. 2: Someone turned in a replica firearm that he or she found. There’s no word on what police are expected to do with it.