• March 14: Police contacted a regular customer at 7 p.m. in the 400 block of Monterey who had two warrants for failure to appear. She was written a third summons and released to catch again in about 30 days.
• March 14: Police were called at 1:50 p.m. to a disturbance in the 700 block of Butte. A 50-year-old apparent lady zhlub was arrested for suspicion of being drunk and disorderly.
• March 13: Police spotted a pair of suspicious fellows, 46 and 43, at 11:23 p.m. in City Park. Naturally, they were allegedly high on drugs with one caught holding a crack pipe, and they got pipped at the post.
• March 13: Police responded at 11 a.m. to a liquor store in the 900 block of Main for a reported shoplifter. Logs indicated a 91-year-old sticky-fingered gent was allegedly caught using the help-yourself lane at Bottle Liquor. He was cited and released and could no doubt really use a snort about now.
• March 12: Police got a report at 9:57 p.m. of an assault at Rite Aid. Logs indicated a woman said her man friend sprayed her in the face with pepper spray “for no apparent reason.” The suspected creep fled the scene. However, all was not lost, as his girlfriend was contacted and she had six arrest warrants. Officers allegedly found meth in her possession, too. Was she nicked? She was issued citations for the arrest warrants and the drugs, and then released from the stationhouse. As for the spray fool, he got away.
• March 12: A red-light round-up of sorts was carried out in Lila Keiser Park with no less than seven scofflaws with warrants and suspected of being blasted on drugs were arrested starting at 9 a.m. with a 47-year-old woman. Citations followed at 11:39 (unknown), and at 8 p.m. when two women, 52 and 27, and three men, 28, 28 and 50, were cited and released on warrants. The older woman also was cited for a glass crack pipe, overall an apparent exercise in penmanship and futility.
• March 12: Police responded at 1 a.m. to a domestic dispute in the 400 block of Monterey. No arrests made and the dispute was apparently called a draw.
• March 11: Police were called at 5:16 a.m. to the Water Reclamation Facility construction site in the 500 block of South Bay Blvd., where some scoundrels broke into storage containers and stole a small fortune in tools, power tools, construction equipment and supplies, worth a staggering $150,000, in what’s believed the biggest commercial burglary in town history. Thieves also hit storage containers at the pipeline construction site on Quintana Road, though no loss for that has been announced.
• March 10: Police contacted a regular customer of the year at 1:18 p.m. in the 1600 block of Main. The apparent anarchist had seven bench warrants and was allegedly in possession of meth. He was cited and released, begging the question, “What’ve you got to do to get arrested these days?”
• March 10: Police contacted a suspicious man at 11 a.m. in the 300 block of Embarcadero. They arrested him for suspicion of being high on drugs, and there’s your answer — you’ve gotta be where the tourists can see you.
• March 10: Police contacted a suspicious fellow being where he hadn’t ought to be at 8 a.m. in the 1200 block of Main. The apparent swagman, 53, was nicked for allegedly being high on drugs, paraphernalia and trespassing. He got booked into the Parkinson Plaza.
• March 9: Police contacted a “sex offender” at noon in the 2600 block of Greenwood. Logs indicated the apparent illuminasty was arrested for suspicion of being high on meth, possessing meth and paraphernalia and a parole violation.
• March 8: Police contacted a wanted woman, 37, at 10 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. Logs indicated she had six local warrants and was given a seventh and released, apparently not worth the gas to haul to jail.
• March 8: Police responded to the 900 block of Main where someone played basketball with a check.
• March 7: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9 p.m. somewhere on Main Street and arrested the woman driver, 26, for being half cut at the wheel.
• March 7: Someone found a cell phone at the Vet’s Hall and gave it to police. The day before, someone found an iPhone somewhere in town and gave it to police, no doubt the latest victims of cancel culture.
• March 7: Police contacted some stumblebum waddling down the 900 block of Pacific at 6:23 p.m. Logs indicate the devotee of Bacchus, 27, was nicked for being drunk and going all wooley-booger in public.
• March 7: A citizen in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd., said his or her car got boosted.
• March 7: Police responded at 1:39 p.m. to a reported trespassing in the 900 block of Morro. Logs indicated a 65-year-old interloper was arrested for suspicion of resisting arrest and trespassing.
• March 6: Police contacted a suspicious man at 10:21 p.m. at the Rock and hauled the 40-year-old scofflaw to the clink for five misdemeanors and one felony warrant.
• March 6: Police contacted a suspicious 21-year-old woman at 12:35 p.m. on Sunset at Hill who had a failure to appear warrant. She was written another disappearance ticket and released back into the wild.
• March 5: Police responded at 9 a.m. to a disturbance in the 2200 block of Nutmeg. Logs indicated a 75-year old was being combative and was taken to Sierra Vista Hospital for a little timeout.
• March 5: Police contacted a suspicious man, 28, and woman, 29, at 12:50 p.m. in the 2600 block of Main. He was allegedly in possession of drug paraphernalia and of course she had a bench warrant. They were both cited and released to go about their life’s work.
• March 6: At 12:15 p.m. an officer noted seeing two cars racing down Hwy 1 towards Old Creek Road. They were apparently not worth chasing after.
• March 4: A business in the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd., reported getting forged checks.
• March 4: Police responded at 9:45 a.m. to a disturbance in City Park on Harbor Street. A 46-year-old raucous, butt-toast was nicked for being buttered in public.
• March 4: A 40-year-old apparently penitent fellow came to the police station to surrender on a bench warrant, but was given a new bench warrant and told to go forth and sin no more.
• March 3: Police responded at 10:53 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Monterey where a juvenile was having a bit of a breakdown. He or she was given a 72-hour timeout.
• March 3: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 34, at 11 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated she was allegedly trespassing and ridin’ the gas pedal on speed. She crashed in the County detox.
• March 3: Police contacted a suspicious man at 8:21 a.m. at Beach and Scott. Logs indicated the apparently cranky fellow, 43, was allegedly in possession of a crack pipe.
• March 3: Police responded at 2:10 a.m. to a domestic dustup in the 2600 block of Main. Logs indicated some 34-year-old louse was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence.
• March 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle in the 300 block of MBB at the suspect time of 2:10 a.m. The 50-year-old driver from Bakersfield had a warrant and was cited and released with his next warrant, as another one arrives on vacation and leaves on probation.
• March 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4:24 p.m. in the 2800 block of Alder. Logs indicated the woman driver had a suspended license, an out-of-county bench warrant, and was allegedly high something more than life. She was taken to Uncle Ian’s fun house.
• March 2: Police responded at 11:38 a.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., where a woman was having an apparent conniption at Motel 6. She was arrested for suspicion of vandalism and being schnockered on drugs, which explains a lot.
• March 3: Police were called at 11:43 a.m. to the 900 block of Main where some apparent squit who’s been 86’d was back trespassing at Bottle Liquors. Police discovered she also had a bench warrant and was checked into the County B&B.
• March 1: Police responded to a reported assault of a motel employee in the 200 block of Beach at 11:14 a.m., which was apparently long past check-out time for some folks.