• March 28: Police caught up to a suspicious man out past the decent folk curfew — 11:50 p.m. — in the 1300 block of Main. The 26-year-old scofflaw was arrested for one apparent doozy of a misdemeanor warrant.
• March 28: Police responded at 4:30 p.m. to Legend’s, a legendary tavern in the 800 block of Main, for a drunk and disorderly fellow, 40, who was reportedly harassing and challenging other imbibers to fight. Police nicked the flapped-out fool before he got hurt.
• March 27: Two cars collided at 6:50 p.m. at Main and Marina. There were no injuries to report.
• March 27: At 2:40 p.m. at Coleman Park, officers contacted a suspicious chap, 33, who was arrested for suspicion of giving police a fake name and being under the influence of drugs, which explains a lot. The apparently scruffy Philistine was booked into the County B&B.
• March 26: An unfortunate person on Bernardo Avenue escaped COVID lockdown the hard way. No foul play is suspected.
• March 26: The Harbor Patrol turned over a bicycle they found by the North T-pier. The mayor is no doubt expected to award a medal.
• March 26: Someone turned in a set of keys they’d found leaving it to police to unlock the mystery.
• March 25: Police contacted another suspected swagman, 28, in the 300 block of Quintana Rd. Logs indicated he had two bench warrants and was issued a third summons that he won’t honor and released.
• March 25: Police in the 500 block of Anchor took a report of a grand theft and will no doubt have a jolly good time investigating.
• March 24: Police responded at 8:13 a.m. to a motel in the 1200 block of Main for a trespassing report. Logs indicated they cited and released for trespassing some master criminal at the Masterpiece Hotel.
• March 24: A suspicious man at the suspect time of 2:33 a.m. had the lights go out for him at Motel 6, as he was arrested for suspicion of being UTI on speed and alleged possession of 2.6 grams of suspected methamphetamine, a tad more than personal party weight.
• March 23: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5:45 p.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. The 23-year-old woman driver was cited for a suspended license and her 22-year-old passenger was cited because he had a bench warrant.
• March 23: Someone pinched some booty at a store in the 200 block of MBB. Several no doubt valuable necklaces were pilfered.
• March 23: Some apparent ingrate vandalized the lifeguard tower at the base of Morro Rock but there’s no doubt they’ll still rescue the Mamaluke should he ever need saving.
• March 23: A power line fell down on the job in the 200 block of Marina.
• March 23: Police were asked to check the welfare of a fellow in an apartment complex in the 1000 block of Monterey. He apparently hasn’t checked out just yet.
• March 23: A citizen in the 200 block of Kern told police that he or she realized their money was missing, coincidentally we’re sure, right after their landlord entered the apartment without notice, a case of consider the rent paid, Mr. Roper.
• March 23: Police contacted a suspicious man at 2 a.m. in the 200 block of MBB, in the center of the danger zone. The 29-year-old apparent squit was allegedly high on speed and possessed Xanax without a prescription. He crashed in the clink.
• March 22: A store in the 800 block of Embarcadero reported a shoplifter at 5:30 p.m. Logs indicated the apparent thievin’ bilge rat got away.
• March 22: An unnamed citizen turned in an undisclosed person’s wallet they’d found at an unknown location.
• March 22: Police responded at 8:30 a.m. to the 400 block of Harbor for a reportedly suicidal juvenile, who was given a 72-hour timeout with County Mental Health.
• March 21: Police contacted a regular customer at 6:48 p.m. somewhere on Napa Avenue. Logs indicated the lady scofflaw had three failure-to-appear warrants, which is quite an accomplishment for a 25-year old. She was issued FTA No. 4 and released.
• March 21: Police responded to a care facility in the 1400 block of Teresa Dr., for a deceased person report. The apparently peaceful passing was duly noted.
• March 20: Police responded at 9 p.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where according to logs, a woman said, “the window in her vehicle was broken out while she was sitting in the North Pit parking lot.” No word on which illuminutty pulled that boner.
• March 20: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:05 p.m. in the 1000 block of Main St. Logs indicated the woman driver, 35, was nicked for suspicion of driving stewed on a suspended license no less.
• March 19: Police responded at 8:07 p.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the hombre, 40, was allegedly drunk and arrested on yet another lifestyle crime.
• March 19: Police responded at 6:07 p.m. to Embarcadero at Coleman Drive where some apparent idgit ran over a City street sign. A 21-year-old speed demon got his emergency brake yanked for alleged exhibition of speed.
• March 19: Someone came to the station house on MBB and gave police 14 firearms for “safekeeping,” yeah, for you and me.
• March 19: Police took a report of suspected child abuse and sexual battery at Morro Bay High School.
• March 18: At 7 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana, police stopped a suspicious car no doubt running a slalom course down the road. Logs indicated they ordered the driver to get thee to the DMV for a re-examination of his or her ability to drive.
• March 18: A man came to the police station that had a warrant. Police wrote him another disappearance ticket and he left.
• March 18: Police towed off a car from the 1200 block of Embarcadero with registration expired over 6 months, a likely death sentence for the poor, suffering, disadvantaged vehicle.
• March 17: Police responded to an assault at 9 p.m. in the 400 block of Rennel. Logs indicated they spoke to an apparent ruffian regarding a domestic dispute he’d had with his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.
• March 17: Police took a courtesy report of suspected elder abuse somewhere in town for County Adult Protective Services.
• March 16: A citizen at the Inn at Morro Bay on State Park Road showed police the lock on his car door that some scalawag apparently tried to jimmy open.
• March 16: Two cars went badda-bing badda-boom at Harbor and Morro at 1:52 p.m. No gruesome details were available.
• March 16: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3 p.m. at the Pitt in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. The driver, 34, was nicked for suspicion of driving while snookered on drugs.
• March 16: The high school cop started a report concerning allegations of sexual assault between two juveniles that occurred between 2012 and 2015.
• March 15: Police contacted a suspicious man at 5:14 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. The 34-year-old fellow had three bench warrants and was allegedly high on drugs, in possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia, and so his little party got pipped at the post with a trip to the Hoosegow.
• March 15: Police investigated a reported suspected possible alleged case of child sex abuse on Tahiti, but logs indicated it was “unfounded,” and no doubt just a big misunderstanding.