• July 4: Police responded at 9:35 p.m. to Hwy 41 south of Atascadero Road for a traffic collision. No gossipy details were released, but no injuries were reported either.
• July 4: Police responded at 7:40 p.m. to the 2000 block of Palisades where they arrested a 56-year-old fellow for failing to register as a convicted sex offender.
• July 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:11 p.m. on Atascadero Road at Ironwood. Logs indicated the 48-year-old borracho was allegedly driving legless, cited and released, and no doubt could really use a beer about now.
• July 4: Police responded at 10 a.m. to a home in the 2200 block of Greenwood where they arrested some scamboogah for suspicion of elder abuse, which though breaks God’s Commandment, is just a misdemeanor in Califreakornia.
• July 3: Police responded to a reported assault at 8:55 p.m. in the 400 block of Embarcadero. A 46-year-old man was arrested for suspicion of “assault causing great bodily injury.” The ruffian was tossed into the dungeon.
• July 3: Police responded to an apartment in the 500 block of Main where a citizen said her friend told her someone had threatened her on Facebook Messenger, reason 1,212 for canceling Facebook.
• July 3: A woman came to the police station and said she’d lost her purse, no word on the contents, which could be anything and everything.
• July 3: Police responded at 2:15 p.m. to Embarcadero and Beach for a fender-denter. No injuries.
• July 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:05 p.m. in the 1300 block of Main. Logs indicated the 65-year-old driver was arrested for suspicion of driving lubricated.
• July 2: Police responded at 7 p.m. to the 500 block of Dunes where a local resident caught the celestial bus to Paradise.
• July 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5:46 p.m. at Dunes and Main. The driver, 68, was nicked for suspicion of driving deep in his cups.
• July 2: A citizen in the 900 block of Mesa told police his or her checkbook was stolen and the rapscallion has already forged some checks.
• July 2: A woman in the 2200 block of Greenwood said some porch pirate stole a package from her house.
• July 2: A citizen in the 400 block of Main found a bag of illegal fireworks near his property and handed them over to police, who will now have all the fun.
• July 1: Police responded to the 600 block of Main where they took a juvenile apparently in crisis into custody for being a danger to himself.
• July 1: Police identified the driver in a crash-n-dash in the 300 block of Quintana but apparently haven’t yet cited the fiend.
• July 1: Police responded at 4 p.m. to Morro Rock where the town tourist tax was deducted from someone’s unlocked car.
• July 1: Someone burglarized a home in the 2000 block of Bayview and police have no clue who.
• July 1: A citizen came to the station to report a check fraud case.
• July 1: Police responded at 7:30 a.m. to a home on Ironwood after receiving multiple disturbance complaints. All were no doubt advised to cease and de-shut-up.
• June 30: Police responded at 7:40 p.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of Morro Ave. Logs indicated a 43-year-old fellow was tossed to the clink for suspicion of being stinky where the tourist can see you.
• June 30: Police contacted a popular fellow, 29, in City Park whom the judge wanted to have a word with. They issued him another disappearance ticket and released him to find again another day.
• June 30: At 12:14 p.m. police responded to Main and Morro Bay Boulevard for a minor car crash. Then at 12:30 p.m. someone reported a car crash somewhere on South Bay Boulevard, as the hits just keep on coming.
• June 29: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 8:40 p.m. at Main and Atascadero Road. The 39-year-old scofflaw had a warrant from another county and was written one for this county and released.
• June 29: At 8:39 p.m. in the 900 block of MBB two cars collided, as the Roundabout — look left, turn right — proves too tough to navigate once again.
• June 29: A citizen in the 500 block of Kings told police that he was scammed out of $2,550 by the ol’ threaten-to-turn-off-the-electricity-if-you-don’t-pay-outstanding-fees trick.
• June 29: Police responded to a bank in the 200 block of Harbor where a suspect entered the business and provided a fraudulent, altered check, and took them for $271.50. Police suspect this same master criminal has done this at other businesses in town.
• June 29: Police responded to the 500 block of Fresno where someone stole a car cover.
• June 29: Police responded to the 900 block of Main where some graffidiot left his mark.
• June 28: Police contacted a familiar fellow, 58, at 2:30 p.m. on Park Street and of course he had a warrant and of course he was just cited and released to catch again in a month, part of the ol’ job security program.
• June 28: Police got a report of someone getting cash in Oceano using a Morro Bay citizen’s debit card, as the scourge of the 21st Century continues.
• June 28: Police responded at 7:47 a.m. to the 400 block of Crest where they arrested a 42-year-old bounder for allegedly making criminal threats and possession of drug paraphernalia, which explains a lot.
• June 28: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at Quintana and South Bay at 12:47 a.m., a time when no one is safe. The driver, 49, had a suspended license and that’s all police could pin on him, this time.
• June 27: Police responded to the 700 block of Quintana at 3 p.m. for a reported crash-n-dash accident, though by fleeing one would tend to implicate themselves.
• June 27: A boat on a trailer on Olive Street apparently outstayed its welcome and was sailed off by a tow truck for expired registration, as the pirate failed to pay the DMV ransom.
• June 27: Police responded at 6:40 a.m. to Hwy1 at Morro Bay Boulevard for a reported car accident. There were apparently no injuries, though it’s doubtful anyone asked the vehicles how they felt.
• June 27: Police responded at 1:10 a.m. to a reported assault in the 1100 block of Embarcadero. A 33-year-old woman said her 27-year-old sister had assaulted her. Police were to follow up, though it’s even money no charges get filed, for what’s a little battery between sisters…
• June 26: Police arrested a 28-year-old apparently sticky-fingered woman in the 200 block of Main St., for suspicion of burglary.
• June 26: Police at 4 p.m. contacted a familiar fiend in City Park. The lady scofflaw, 28, had four bench warrants for her arrest, but was cited and released with her fifth FTA soon to follow.
• June 26: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1:10 a.m. at MBB and Shasta. The driver, 23, was nicked for suspicion of driving stuck like chuck.
• June 25: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:30 p.m. at Main and Beach. Naturally, the driver, 50, was arrested for suspicion of driving roasted.
• June 25: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:49 a.m. on Hwy 1 at Yerba Buena. The Fruit-loop dingus driver, 39, was arrested for suspicion of DUI, possession of methamphetamine and two bench warrants. Say ‘Good-night Gracie…’
• June 23: Police responded at 8:20 p.m. to a car crash in the 1300 block of Embarcadero. Sorry, no juicy details were available.
• June 23: Police responded at 5:32 p.m. to the 400 block of Trinidad where they cited a 60-year-old shining example for two outstanding warrants. At the same bat time and same bat place, police took a report of possible elder abuse and filed it with County Adult Protective Services.
• June 23: Brazen, and yet industrious, slime ball thieves stole catalytic converters off five cars — one each in the 400 blocks of Napa and Monterey and 500 Kern, and two in the 500 block of Bernardo, oh the humanity — the crime wave continues unabated!
• June 23: Police paid an early morning visit to an old friend at 7 a.m. in the 300 block of Surf. Logs indicated the 45-year-old scofflaw had a bench warrant. She was given another citation and allowed to continue flaunting the law.
• June 22: Someone found something somewhere in the 300 block of Quintana and now police have it.
• June 22: Police responded at 5:45 a.m. to the 700 block of Quintana for some bounder causing a ruckus. Logs indicated the 22-year-old fellow was nicked for suspicion of being over-stimulated on stimulants, possession of drugs and of course, resisting arrest. The Jackanapes went along quietly to the hoosegow.
• June 21: Police at 9 p.m. towed away a vehicle form the area of Kern and Pacific for an expired registration, about the only tax not forgiven in the name of COVID-19 relief.
• June 21: Police responded at 4 p.m. to yet another fender-bender at Atascadero Road and Main Street. No injuries were reported.
• June 21: Police responded to a report of someone having a bag lady moment in the 2400 block of Main. Logs indicated a 25-year-old fellow was tossed into the clink for suspicion of being stoned on drugs.
• June 21: Police responded to a disturbance at 6:51 a.m. in the 400 block of Crest St. Logs indicated they arrested a 42-year-old chap for suspicion of being high on drugs and checked him into the County B&B for three hots and a cot.