Morro Bay Police Blotter 4-22-2021

• April 11: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 11 p.m. in the 1000 block of Quintana. The 25-year-old model citizen was arrested for suspicion of possessing drugs and paraphernalia, and being higher than the stacks on drugs. She went straight to jail and didn’t pass “GO.”
• April 11: Police contacted a suspicious man at 10 p.m. at Main and Atascadero Road. Logs indicated the 18-year-old scofflaw had a warrant and was naturally given a second and released.
• April 11: Police responded to a home in the 500 block of Kings for a burglary report. No word on what treasures were snatched.
• April 11: Police responded to an RV Park the 1700 block of Embarcadero for a report of a stolen Moped, no doubt bikers.
• April 11: Police contacted a wanted fellow, 28, at 9:15 a.m. in the 600 block of Quintana who had a warrant. He was issued a second piece of paper and released to catch again another day.
• April 10: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:30 p.m. in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 20, was arrested for suspicion of driving butt-toasted.
• April 10: At 4:22 p.m. police stopped a suspicious vehicle at Main and Bayshore Drive, suspecting the driver was schnockered. The driver was actually sober or at least not drunk enough to arrest, and so they threw that one back.
• April 10: Police responded to the 1000 block of Market for a report of “penetration with a foreign object,” which is what they ought do to the fiend.
• April 9: Police responded at 1:30 p.m. to a car crash on private property in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. They cited a 27-year-old fellow for a suspended license, so the crash is apparently his fault.
• April 9: Police pulled over a vehicle at 8:20 a.m. in the 1200 block of Main for a code violation. Logs indicated the driver refused to sign the ticket, because if you ignore unpleasantness, it doesn’t exist, right.
• April 8: Police referred a 62-year-old man on Quintana Road to Adult Protective Services.
• April 8: Police responded at 10:30 a.m. to the 900 block of Balboa where someone stole something off some truck.
• April 7: Police responded at 2:20 p.m. to a disturbance in the 700 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated a 40-year-old zhlub was cast into irons for allegedly being wacked out on drugs.
• April 7: At 7:19 a.m. someone turned in a wallet and papers they’d found in Cayucos off Old Creek Road. At 8:19 a.m. someone turned in a wallet they’d found elsewhere.
• April 6: Police responded to the 300 block of MBB for a reported shoplifting case. Police are hunting the scoundrel.
• April 6: Police are investigating a reported domestic battery in the 3300 block of Panorama Dr.
• April 6: Police responded at 12:19 p.m. to the UPS Store in the 600 block of Quintana where a woman tried to ship 4 pounds of the weed to someone in another state, a nice gesture to be sure, but maybe next time go FedEx.
• April 6: Police responded at 10:35 a.m. to a disturbance in the 2800 block of Main. A 61-year-old Bust-a-fooligan was nicked for being drunk in public.
• April 6: Someone vandalized an innocent car in the 3100 block of Main.
• April 6: According to logs, police responded at 6:38 a.m. to a vandalism at Main and Java. A 38-year-old misbegotten knave was arrested for suspicion of vandalism and taken to County Jail. Again, according to logs, the same guy was arrested again at 7:18 a.m. in the 200 block of Dunes for allegedly trying to steal items in a car by boosting the whole car. Ol’ Hood-dini was booked again, as apparently the first time didn’t take.
• April 6: Police contacted a 40-year-old man apparently creating a disturbance at 3:19 a.m. in the 300 block of Shasta. The bent fellow was arrested for allegedly being high on drugs.
• April 5: Police contacted a regular customer at 6 p.m. in the 1900 block of Sunset. The 28-year-old shoo-fly had a warrant and was given a second summons to add to his collection.
• April 5: Police responded to a disturbance at 3 p.m. in the 300 block of Pico. A 58-year-old raucous fellow was arrested for public intoxication and taken to the hospital, “because of his level of intoxication and altered state,” a case of havin’ way too much fun.
• April 5: Two cars collided at 11:45 a.m. in the 2600 block of Main. No juicy details to relay, sorry.
• April 5: Someone got into a vehicle parked in the 300 block of Avalon. Police have no clue as to who but perhaps you do?
• April 4: Police responded to the 3000 block of Beachcomber Dr., for a residential burglary. No word on what booty got pinched.
• April 4: Police responded to a disturbance at 3 p.m. in the 900 block of Main where a 40-year-old woman was apparently having a bag lady moment. She was nicked for suspicion of being blotto in public and was checked into the gaol.
• April 4: Police responded to yet another squit who can’t hold his liquor at 1:37 p.m. in City Park. The 46-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of being too drunk not to arrest. That same swamp donkey was also cited April 1 in City Park for allegedly possessing a crack pipe.
• April 4: Police got the 9-1-1 to proceed to 911 Morro Bay Blvd., for an unwelcomed fellow causing a ruckus. The gas station folks asked that the 63-year-old dingus be charged with trespassing. He was cited and released and that’ll sure show ‘em.
• April 4: Someone turned in one Ford key/fob, one plain key, and miscellaneous key chains they found somewhere on Atascadero Road, apparently on the island of lost junk.
• April 3: Police contacted a familiar fellow, 43, at 12:19 p.m. in the 200 block of Harbor who had an outstanding invite from the judge. He was issued a second disappearance ticket and released.
• April 3: Police responded at 10 a.m. to the 1000 block of Front St., where some scalawag broke into the live crab tank outside Giovanni’s Fish Market over night and left with crabs for his trouble. The thief used bolt cutters to get into the tank and gathered several delectable crustaceans, who no doubt mistakenly thought it was a jailbreak but alas, they won’t escape their rather bleak futures.
• April 3: Police responded to the corner of Main and Atascadero Road for an accident on public property. They took a bicycle for safekeeping and documented the incident for the lawsuit to follow.
• April 3: Police were called at 7 a.m. to the 800 block of Main where someone parked their car in front of a driveway, a hanging offense in some parts, (you laugh, but people have died for less!).
• April 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect hour of 2:30 a.m. at Yerba Buena and Main. The driver, 31, got nicked for suspicion of driving toasty and went to the County B&B.
• April 2: Police responded at 5:12 p.m. to the high school where someone fell and landed in a potential lawsuit.
• April 2: Police spotted a familiar face at 4:30 p.m. on Main at Bonita causing a disturbance. The 40-year-old tomato was allegedly stewed in public and got nicked.
• April 2: Police took a petty theft report at a store in the 500 block of Embarcadero.
• April 2: Police responded to the 600 block of Embarcadero for a report of a stolen check. Logs indicated the sticky-fingered swine was caught by Grover Beach Police.
• April 2: Police responded to the 2200 block of Hemlock for a report of an altered check, a.k.a. fraud.
• April 1: Someone turned in a wallet they’d found somewhere on Quintana Road. A couple of hours later they discovered a stolen vehicle parked at City Park on Harbor Street, “and the caze is sol-ved!”
• April 1: At 4:45 p.m. police stopped some fool driving suspiciously at Main and Radcliff. The Slapdash fooliot, 20, was arrested for suspicion of driving with beer goggles on.
• April 1: Someone found an Apple Watch on the beach by the lifeguard tower in the Rock parking lot.
• March 31: Police responded at midnight to the 2700 block of Juniper for a reported assault. The victim signed a citizen’s arrest form and police cited and released the assailing ruffian, with his no doubt solemn promise to appear in court.
• March 31: Police responded at 9:35 p.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated they tried to arrest the louse and he allegedly resisted. The idgit was on parole too, and got violated.
• March 31: Police responded at 11:10 a.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where a woman said some no doubt diabolical master criminal pilfered the front license plate off her 2018 Dodge Ram 1500 pick-up, no word on whether a task force was formed.
• March 31: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11 a.m. at the top of the world in the 1300 block of Clarabelle. The fellow driving, 34, was arrested for suspicion of resisting arrest, a suspended license, expired registration, elder abuse and being schwasted on drugs, which explains a lot.
• March 31: Police responded at 10:16 a.m. for an assault report in the 900 block of MBB. A 42-year-old lady said that she was battered on March 29 in Santa Maria.
• March 31: Police contacted a 36-year-old suspicious fellow at 2 a.m. in the 1000 block of Front St. The role model was arrested for allegedly possessing a crack pipe, his stash no doubt already up in smoke.
• March 31: Police responded at 1:10 a.m. to the 1200 block of Berwick Dr., where a citizen said some anarchist threw a rock through his or her front window, a apparent a case for homeland security.
• March 30: Ya mon, stum-body foun’ de wallet on Jamaica Street, mon.
• March 30: Police responded to the 1200 block of Embarcadero where someone broke open a fish storage container and made off with some fish. Ah, theft, the preferred method of fishing for lazybones.
• March 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:05 a.m. foolishly driving Downtown at Harbor and Main. A 30-year-old woman was nicked for driving overloaded.
• March 29: Police responded at 2:17 p.m. to a medical crisis in the 1200 block of Scott St. Logs indicated some poor fellow was taken to the hospital on a medical and mental health emergency and left in the care of the ER.
• March 29: At 12:10 p.m. police were called to the 900 block of Allesandro where someone else was having a bit of a breakdown.
• March 29: Police were called at 10 a.m. to the Mobil Gas Station at the Roundabout where some agitated fellow was going wooley-booger and vandalizing station property. The management asked that he be cited for trespassing, charged with vandalism and then run off the property.