• June 30: Police responded at 9:53 a.m. to a car crash in the 2700 block of Greenwood. Logs indicated a 28-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of driving stoned on drugs and possession of paraphernalia, as his stash was apparently already shot.
• June 29: Police responded at 8:43 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1200 block of Bolton Logs indicated they took one subject away for a 72-hour timeout with County Mental Health.
• June 28: Police responded at 9:08 p.m. to the 1700 block of Main under the highway bridge where two apparent trolls were having a sharp disagreement involving knives, cuts and blood. They found one combatant at the scene bloodied a bit but not too badly injured. The other was found down the street at Taco Bell. Neither phonus balonus was arrested, however, the case is being investigated as an aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
• June 27: At 11:14 p.m. in the area of Main and Bonita, police contacted a regular customer, 56, who had two bench warrants. She was issued a third disappearance ticket and released to catch again next month.
• June 27: Police responded at 6:11 p.m. to Scott Street, where someone had passed away.
• June 27: Someone turned in a wallet he or she found somewhere in town.
• June 27: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 39, at 3:05 a.m. at the beach in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. She had a bench warrant, which led to a search and discovery of suspected drug paraphernalia and possessing an open container of alcohol in public, and you thought Prohibition ended in the 1930s.
• June 26: Police contacted a suspicious chap at 9:54 p.m. in the 800 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the little squit had a bench warrant, which led to a search and discovery of suspected illegal drugs and paraphernalia. He was checked into the County B&B.
• June 26: Police responded at 10:55 a.m. to South Bay Boulevard and Hwy 1 for a car crash. No injuries to report.
• June 26: Someone stole a bicycle from a new-found pedestrian in the 1700 block of Embarcadero.
• June 25: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle for some apparent code violation at 10:40 p.m. at Main and Hwy 1. Logs indicated the 43-year-old driver was allegedly found to be possessing the dangerous and toxic drug, methamphetamine, but was only cited and released to no doubt go replenish his stash.
• June 25: Police contacted a pair of familiar foes at 9:40 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated a 39-year-old chump had multiple bench warrants, and was finally arrested. The other hooligan, 38, had a felony warrant and suspected drug paraphernalia and he too became a guest of Uncle Ian.
• June 25: At 12:27 a.m. on Hwy 1 police apparently tried to pull over some vehicle, which hit the gas and apparently fled the scene. Officers are investigating this rude conduct.
• June 25: Police contacted a 58-year-old model citizen in the area of Main and Hwy 41. Logs indicated the 59-year-old transient idjit was arrested for failure to register as a convicted sex offender “within 30 days,” an apparent case of unwelcome to the neighborhood.
• June 24: Police responded at 9:26 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2100 block of Ironwood. Logs indicated a 40-year-old fellow was booked for suspicion of being stoned on drugs.
• June 24: At 1:08 p.m. police contacted a swizzle stick sashaying down the 300 block of San Jacinto. Logs indicated the 52-year-old belle of the ball was nicked for suspicion of being trashed in public.
• June 23: Police responded at 10:44 p.m. to a car crash at Main and Atascadero Road. They contacted one of the apparent drivers, 30, and she was arrested on suspicion of driving smashed.
• June 23: Police towed off an offending vehicle from the 900 block of Quintana for lack of giving the DMV its annual bloodletting.
• June 23: Police contacted a rowdy fellow at 8:54 a.m. in the 600 block of Embarcadero, where he was apparently actin-a-fooligan. The 58-year-old swizzle stick was nicked for suspicion of being drunk and disorderly where the tourists can see him.
• June 23: San Luis Obispo police forwarded a report they took for alleged sexual battery that apparently occurred in SLO against an undisclosed Morro Bay victim.
• June 22: Someone found something of some unknown value somewhere in the 1200 block of Embarcadero and turned it over to some police officer.
• June 21: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:07 p.m. at Main and Radcliff. The driver, a 41-year-old man, was arrested for driving on a suspended license — suspended because of DUI, being stoned behind the wheel, possession of drugs and paraphernalia, plus the little matter of nine bench warrants. A 43-year-old woman passenger also had a warrant and like birds of a feather, they were flocked together.
• June 21: Police responded at 7:46 p.m. to the Sandpiper Inn in the 500 block of Main for a domestic dustup. Logs indicated a 29-year-old louse was arrested for abuse of a spouse.
• June 21: Police responded at 1:44 p.m. to a crash-n-dash accident in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• June 21: Police responded at 11:07 a.m. to a disturbance in the 200 block of Olive. Logs indicated it was an ongoing family feud and civil dispute between a mom and her daughters.
• June 21: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11:14 p.m. at Coleman Drive and the Embarcadero. Logs indicated the 37-year-old annoying flesh monkey was nicked for suspicion of being tanked in public.
• June 20: Police dealt with a wanted man at 10:07 p.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the scofflaw had one felony high card and a pair of misdemeanor warrants, and he became an ace in the hole.
• June 20: Police responded at 4:55 p.m. to a report of a strong-arm robbery at Kennedy Way and Main.
• June 20: Someone found some keys somewhere in the 500 block of Quintana.
• June 20: Police responded at 12:27 p.m. to the Mobil Gas Station in the 900 block of MBB. Logs indicated they’d reportedly caught some sticky-fingered snallygaster, 53, using the help-yourself aisle.
• June 20: Police responded at 10:07 a.m. to a car crash at Bella Vista Dr. and Quintana Rd. Sorry, no gory details were released.
• June 20: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:35 p.m. in the 700 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the 42-year-old driver was cited for a suspended license and released to go serve life in Hell at the DMV.
• June 19: Police responded at 9 p.m. to a reported case of suspected child abuse, in the 1400 block of Church St.
• June 19: Some Mamaluke in the 400 block of Napa reported a missing firearm.
• June 19: Police responded at 3:34 p.m. to the 3300 block of Panorama Dr. where they contacted an apparently tipsy fellow and arrested the bloke for suspicion of drunk and disorderly in public, having false registration tags and three bench warrants, as the long arm of the law eventually catches us all.
• June 18: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:20 a.m. in the 400 block of Bonita. A 55-year-old woman was broken for suspicion of driving on a bender.
• June 17: Police responded at 7:14 p.m. to a disturbance in the 200 block of Harbor. Logs indicated a 58-year-old bounder was picked up for suspicion of being schwasted in public and “unlawfully challenging another person to fight in a public place,” according to logs. He was jailed before someone took up his challenge.
• June 17: Police contacted a regular customer at 6:24 p.m. in the 1700 block of Main. Logs indicated the 50-year-old slapdash fellow got nicked on two bench warrants.