• Aug. 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:34 p.m. well after the sidewalks have been rolled up, at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated the slippery driver was cited for suspicion of being well oiled.
• Aug. 2: Police responded at 5:54 p.m. to a disturbance at the Motel 6 on Atascadero Road. Logs indicated someone got nicked for suspicion of violating a domestic stay-the-hell-away-from-her court order, a bench warrant and being a drunken tool.
• Aug. 1: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:48 p.m. at an undisclosed location, presumably somewhere in town. Logs indicated the master criminal had a suspended license and had reportedly used some sort of gadget to obscure their license plate, which ironically was probably what attracted the cops in the first place, a case of even duct tape can’t fix stupid.
• Aug. 1: Someone came down to the police station on Morro Bay Boulevard after business hours at 7:27 p.m. to report the violation of a restraining order, apparently using the red call box phone by the front doors.
• Aug. 1: At 1:17 p.m. someone gave police something they’d found at Morro Bay High School and apparently had no use for themselves. Police took the, whatever it was, for safekeeping.
• Aug. 1: At 12:53 p.m. police responded to the Silver City West MHP, formerly known as Tratel MHP, in the 1500 block of Main, for a disturbance. Logs indicated the matter involved some Scaramouch allegedly inflicting corporal punishment on a spouse or cohabitant and then making criminal, terrorist threats. Logs did not indicate whether the Moonraker got arrested, though it would serve them right.
• July 31: Police contacted a regular customer at 8:55 p.m. at an unknown location. Logs indicated the arch criminal had a bench warrant and was no doubt issued another citation to violate.
• July 30: Someone found some unknown something sometime around 6:38 p.m. somewhere near Morro Rock.
• July 30: Police responded at 7:25 p.m. to Albertson’s Market on Quintana Road for a suspected sticky fingered customer. The alleged anarchist was also nicked with a charge of allegedly receiving stolen property, also called a 5-fingered shopping spree.
• July 30: At midnight police contacted a suspicious fellow waltzing along somewhere in town. Logs indicated the dingus had a bench warrant and was also fizzucked in public.
• July 30: Someone came to the police station at 2:37 p.m. with something they’d found, apparently seeking to unburden themselves from the burden they’d had burdening them like the burden they’d unburdened themselves from before.
• July 30: Police responded at 12:54 p.m. to an undisclosed location after some poor soul apparently was deceased.
• July 30: Police responded at 12:40 p.m. to an undisclosed location to deal with some interloper refusing to leave private property. He or she was advised to take their shoes for a walk.
• July 30: At 2:54 a.m. police responded to an undisclosed location where another citizen had escaped having to listen to all the mid-term election baloney.
• July 30: Police responded at 1:22 p.m. to a report of a disorderly idjit raising a drunken ruckus at Taco Bell on Main Street. No word on whether he or she was arrested or forced to eat the food, nor which would be a worse punishment.
• July 29: Police were called to a disturbance at 8:12 a.m. at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated they arrested someone for suspicion of being drunk in public, a case of being a moonflower and not a morning glory.
• July 28: At 8:51 p.m. police responded to a disturbance at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated the case involved some feculent fellow violating a domestic violence stay-away court order, so he’s really in trouble now.
• July 28: Police responded at 6 p.m. to a reported traffic crash. Logs didn’t say where it happened, who was involved, nor how bad possible injuries were, in fact logs don’t really say much of anything useful these days.
• July 28: Police were called at 10:19 a.m. to a disturbance report. Logs indicated the matter involved some ululationer raising some kind of hoo-ha-ha.
• July 27: Police responded at 2:49 p.m. to a report of some no doubt scruffy Philistine camping at Morro Bay High School, a hanging offense in some parts.
• July 26: Police responded at 9:54 p.m. to a disturbance involving some apparently bent vandalass vandalizing a vehicle, a violation of the basic rules of decency.
• July 26: Police contacted a suspicious subject at the suspect time of 2:49 a.m. and discovered of course the apparent skint had a misdemeanor bench warrant. Chances are that he or she was re-cited and given another court date, which they will likely ignore as well.
• July 25: Police responded to a disturbance at 8 a.m. at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated the call involved an alleged battery or simple assault, though such things are rarely simple.
• July 25: Someone came down to the police station in the 600 block of Morro Bay Blvd., to report a missing person. A report was filed.
• July 25: At 8:24 a.m. another citizen came to the police station and turned in something he or she had found at some undisclosed location and of some unknown value, but apparently worth more than a trip to the nearest trash can.
• July 25: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:16 a.m. near the Anytime Fitness Center on Quintana Road. Logs indicated the innocent vehicle had expired registration, and the owner was sentenced to a slow death at the DMV.
• July 24: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:05 p.m. at Taco Bell on Main Street and cited the driver for suspicion of driving in the horrors
• July 24: Police responded to a disturbance at 4:25 p.m. at a motel on Market. Logs indicated some apparent gaggle head was nailed for suspicion of being tanked, because it’s the nail that sticks out that gets hammered.
• July 24: Police responded at 12:21 p.m. to O’Reilly Auto Parts on Quintana after someone found something of some apparent interest and some undisclosed value and gave it to police.
• July 23: Police responded at 11:56 p.m. to a report of a suspicious subject hanging around the Mobil Station on Morro Bay Boulevard. Logs indicated the scofflaw had a bench warrant and was no doubt issued another disappearance ticket and released.
• July 23: At 3 p.m. some apparent desperado from out of town was arrested on a felony warrant from another jurisdiction apparently while at The Siren tavern at Main and Harbor.
• July 23: A good citizen turned in at the police station something he or she had found and apparently thought someone might actually miss it.
• July 23: Police responded at 1:15 p.m. to an undisclosed location for a report of someone trespassing and refusing to amscray.
• July 23: Police responded at 9:25 a.m. to an undisclosed location for a grand theft report and will no doubt have a jolly good time solving the mystery.
• July 21: Police responded at 8:45 p.m. to another report of someone attacking and damaging an innocent vehicle at an unstated location.
• July 21: Police responded to a disturbance at 7:33 p.m. at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated the call involved some mulish tool violating a stay-the-hell-away-from-her court order.
• July 21: Police noted three incidents for people with bench warrants. One involved someone with two warrants turning himself or herself in at the police station and the other, presumably involving some other dastardly deed, was at Albertson’s Market on Quintana.
• July 21: Police responded at 8:21 a.m. to a report of a traffic collision as two vehicles apparently tried to occupy the same space at the same time and the same location with predictable results.