• March 29: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:50 p.m. in what sounds like a possible Skynyrd song. Logs indicated the driver was allegedly drunk and armed with a loaded gun, and then pointed the gun at somebody, in a possible ‘give me three steps’ scenario.
• March 29: Someone found something somewhere and gave it to some cop sometime around 12:41 p.m.
• March 29: Police cited a vehicle for violation of the City’s parking-in-one-place-too-long law, with possible impoundment the next step.
• March 28: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:26 p.m. on the Morro Bay Boulevard Hwy 1 off ramp. Logs indicated the driver was nicked for suspicion of being roasted.
• March 28: At 9:29 a.m. police cited another vehicle for a 72-hour parking violation, a hanging offense in some parts.
• March 28: At 6:20 a.m. police responded to a hairy crack up crash someplace in town.
• March 28: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:13 a.m. when all vehicles on the road are suspicious in this town. Logs indicated the driver had not offered up his annual blood sacrifice to the DMV, which no doubt led to his then being cited for alleged possession of illegal drugs and paraphernalia, as sometimes a ham sandwich is really baloney.
• March 27: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7:55 p.m. at Bottle Liquors in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver was cited for suspicion of being schwasted.
• March 27: Police caught up to another bail jumper at 5:54 p.m. at an undisclosed location.
• March 27: Police responded at 9:28 a.m. to a disturbance and started a case for alleged spousal battery.
• March 26: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 11:18 p.m. who was apparently on probation. Logs indicated a subsequent search determined he or she was allegedly in possession of drugs and has more than two priors for drugs, so they got tossed into the hoosegow.
• March 26: Police responded at 5:05 p.m. to a disturbance at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated it was a case of misdemeanor battery or simple assault, though the victim might not agree.
• March 25: Police responded at 10:39 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana at Albertsons’ Market where they’d apparently caught somebody taking the ol’ five-finger discount.
• March 25: Police were called at 10:18 a.m. to a reported felony vandalism. Logs didn’t say where it happened or if it was graffiti or some form of wanton destruction.
• March 24: Police responded to the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd., at Ariana’s Mexican Market where someone bounced a check.
• March 24: Police at 12:12 a.m. contacted some apparent worm hanging out at the public library on Harbor Street who had a bench warrant.
• March 24: Police were called at 10:43 p.m. to the 600 block of Quintana after some groom of the stool was spotted hanging out at O’Reilly Auto Parts.
• March 23: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 10:13 p.m. at City Park on Harbor Street. The Mamaluke had a bench warrant, was cited and advised to take his shoes for a walk.
• March 23: Police were called at 9:47 a.m. with a report of some sneak thief obtaining money by false pretenses. Logs indicated Bank of America reported the matter, but they fled Morro Bay years ago.
• March 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:15 p.m. at an undisclosed location and whoopsy-poopsy the driver got nicked for suspicion of driving spanked.
• March 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the highly suspect time of 12:24 a.m. somewhere in town. Logs indicated the driver was busted for suspicion of driving battered and allegedly battering a police officer too, a suspected case of booking a 1-way ticket to Palookaville.
• March 21: Police stopped yet another suspicious vehicle at 8:42 p.m. again at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated the stultified driver was arrested for resisting arrest and driving on a toot. He or she was checked into the iron bar hotel with the zero-star rating.
• March 21: Police responded to an apparent car crash at 12:34 p.m. Police didn’t indicate where or the extent of the carnage.
• March 20: Police responded at 11:04 p.m. to a disturbance at Bayshore Bluffs Park. Logs indicated some ruffian tool was arrested for suspicion of assaulting an elderly person and being a drunk and disorderly choleric bounder.
• March 20: Police stopped another suspicious vehicle at an unreported location at 9:42 p.m. for no doubt some trumped up code violation. Logs indicated the driver was cited for suspicion of being deep in his or her cups.
• March 20: Police responded at 12:05 p.m. to the public boat launch on the Embarcadero where some thieving bilge rat committed petty larceny.
• March 20: Police responded at 7:49 p.m. to the 700 block of Market for a report of scalawag stealing something at Let’s Get Tuned.
• March 20: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 6:08 p.m. at the north parking lot of Morro Creek, affectionately known as The Pit. The scofflaw had a local bench warrant and was likely issued a second disappearance ticket and released to catch another day.
• March 20: An unknown citizen at an undisclosed location reported identity theft by an unidentified rapscallion with unreported the loss somewhere north of $400.
• March 20: At 12:39 p.m. police caught up to another model citizen with a bench warrant, issuing another citation with another court date to ignore.
• March 20: Police responded at 9 a.m. to a reported car burglary. Logs didn’t indicate where it happened or what was taken, however it was listed as a felony, for what that’s worth.
• March 20: Police responded at 8:19 a.m. to a report of a deceased person.
• March 19: Police responded at 11:06 p.m. to a disturbance at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated some bent idjit was busted for suspicion of being drunk & disorderly or just another Thursday night.
• March 18: Police responded at 4:07 p.m. to an undisclosed location after someone said they’d been threatened with bodily harm by some angry nodcock.
• March 18: Police ticketed a parked vehicle for expired registration, which is no doubt why the State is swimming in red ink.
• March 17: Police responded at 7:23 a.m. to a car crash at an undisclosed location. No word on injuries, but we all hope for the best.
• March 17: Police responded at 7:23 a.m. to a car crash at an undisclosed location. No word on injuries, but let’s all hope for the best.
• March 16: Police contacted a suspicious subject hanging around The Dollar Tree in the 500 block of Quintana who had a bench warrant. No word on what became of the slacker but cite-release is the way to bet.
• March 16: Police contacted another suspicious subject at 1:27 p.m. at Morro Rock who had a bench warrant. He or she was cited and released as part of the new catch-and-release job security program.
• March 16: Police were notified of graffidiots leaving their mark at the Centennial Parkway and at Morro Rock.