• Oct. 20: Police responded at 8:30 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Rennel. Logs indicated they placed an upset subject in a 72-hour timeout at County Mental Health.
• Oct. 20: Police contacted a suspicious woman at noon in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated some 43-year-old party crasher was actually jailed for suspicion of trespassing.
• Oct. 20: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:26 a.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the driver, a 46-year-old lass, was nicked for driving drunk off her a** and with a suspended license to boot.
• Oct. 19: Police responded at 4:06 p.m. to a car crash at Main and Kern (where they ought to put a stop sign). No injuries were reported.
• Oct. 19: At 1:31 p.m. police contacted someone apparently causing a kerfuffle in the 800 block of Monterey. The poor soul was hauled to the hospital for a medical check and then to County Mental Health for 72-hours.
• Oct. 19: Someone stole something somewhere in the 2000 block of Sunset, sometime overnight.
• Oct. 19: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1 a.m. in the area of Morro and Beach, in the heart of the Danger Zone. A 28-year-old apparent tweaker was pinched for suspicion of driving tweaked, possession of methamphetamine and paraphernalia.
• Oct. 18: At 5:07 p.m. in the 900 block of Pacific someone reported a disturbance. Logs indicated police took yet another citizen to County Mental Health in need of a 3-day vacation.
• Oct. 18: A woman came to the police station to turn in a firearm that her late-father left to her, no doubt because Heaven is a gun free zone.
• Oct. 18: A 54-year-old fellow in the 700 block of Quintana was found to have two bench warrants and was issued a third disappearance ticket and released. A few hours earlier, 7:36 a.m. in the 800 block of the Boulevard, a 53-year-old woman was found with a felony warrant. She went to the lockup.
• Oct. 17: Police responded at 3 p.m. to a car crash at South Bay Boulevard and State Park Road. Sorry, no gory details to impart.
• Oct. 17: Police responded at 11:17 a.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Surf. Logs indicated a 23-year-old hellcat was arrested for suspicion of assault and battery.
• Oct. 17: Police took a missing person report in the 2800 block of Fir.
• Oct. 16: At 7:32 p.m. someone in the 900 block of Quintana complained about loud and unnecessary noise, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Oct. 16: Police responded to the 900 block of Allesandro for two reports of vandalism. Someone tried to break the locks off storage units.
• Oct. 16: Two cars got the ol’ heave-ho for expired tags while parked at Beach and Market.
• Oct. 16: At 8:07 a.m. police spotted a suspicious fellow walking along at Teresa Dr. and South Bay. The apparent swagman had a bench warrant, which led to a search and the alleged discovered of suspected illegal drugs and paraphernalia. The model citizen, 31, was arrested.
• Oct. 15: Police responded at 11:10 a.m. to the 400 block of LaJolla for a hit-n-split car cash.
• Oct. 14: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 3:46 p.m. in Centennial Park in the 800 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the master criminal had eight warrants for her arrest and officers allegedly found her in possession of drugs and paraphernalia, too — a case of some people never learn.
• Oct. 14: Someone found a cell phone and gave it to Harbor Patrol which in turn gave it to police who it is hoped, can give it to the owner.
• Oct. 13: Police responded to the 800 block of The Embarcadero where some petty thief committed the petty crime of petty theft.
• Oct. 13: Police responded at 5 p.m. to the end of Atascadero Road at the beach for a disturbance report. Logs indicated a 30-year-old apparently angry fellow took a baseball bat to a car’s windshield, Logs said, and “made threats to kill the victim.” Mighty Casey fled the scene before police came to strike him out.
• Oct. 13: Police stopped a guy at 4:35 p.m. driving in the 1500 block of Main with a cell phone stuck to his ear. Logs indicated the driver, 24, was cited for a suspended license, no insurance, expired registration, and is no doubt grateful he wasn’t drinking as that’s why his license was suspended in the first place.
• Oct. 13: Police spotted a swizzle stick sloshing down the 700 block of Harbor at 2:10 p.m. Logs indicated a 66-year-old tipsy woman was hauled to the hoosegow for allegedly being legless in public.
• Oct. 13: At 12:40 p.m. police spotted a suspicious pedestrian along the southbound Hwy 1 onramp at Morro Bay boulevard. Logs indicated the 58-year-old citizen of the year was cited when police allegedly found illegal drugs on him. He was released to go replenish his stash.
• Oct. 12: Police were called at 10:41 p.m. to the 3200 block of Main after a woman reported a peeping Tom outside her window. Logs indicated a 27-year-old man was arrested and charged with suspicion of “prowling/peeking through an inhabited dwelling” and of course being fitshaced in public, a case of voluntary intoxication is no excuse.
• Oct. 11: Policed stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time of 11 p.m. in the 1100 block of Front St. Logs indicated the 52-year-old skunked driver was nicked for suspicion of driving stinky.
• Oct. 11: Police responded at 5:31 p.m. to a report of a trespasser in the 600 block of Fresno. The interloper apparently loped away before officers loped up to nab him.
• Oct. 11: Police towed off some offensive vehicles with expired tags, one from the 900 block of Shasta, and another heap from the 2000 block of Greenwood making the world safe again for humanity.
• Oct. 11: It was noon, and someone didn’t know where a child was, but police caught the hooligan outside the high school and cited him for truancy.
• Oct. 10: Police responded at 9:36 p.m. to the 3100 block of Main where someone reported being threatened.
• Oct. 10: Police responded at 8:25 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1100 block of Monterey. A 53-year-old louse was nicked for alleged abuse of his spouse.
• Oct. 9: Police responded to a report of a drunken speed bump blocking the road in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated officers arrested a 66-year-old squit for suspicion of steaming in public.
• Oct. 9: At 9:39 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., at the beach officers caught a juvenile miscreant and cited him or her for truancy, but while school sucks, so too does juvey.
• Oct. 9: Vandalism was reported in the 400 block of Island and a posse was no doubt formed to hunt down the varmint.
• Oct. 8: Police responded at 11:25 p.m. to the 1200 block of Main for a report of extortion.
• Oct. 8: Some scalawag vandalized a vehicle parked down by the public boat launch in the 200 block of Embarcadero, so round up the usual wharf rats.
• Oct. 8: Police responded at 8:30 a.m. to the corner of Harbor and Piney Way, where a 66-year-old apparent beclowned fallstaffian was reportedly actin’ a-fooligan. She was nicked for suspicion of being stewed in public and blocking the sidewalk, a hanging offense in some parts.
• Oct. 8: Police responded at 8:24 a.m. to a disturbance in the 700 block of Harbor at City Park. Logs indicated a 52-year-old belle of the ball was nicked for three bench warrants and suspicion of being swilled in public.
• Oct. 7: Police responded to a disturbance at 5:32 p.m. in the 1800 block of Sunset. Logs indicated a 39-year-old disciple of Bacchus was nailed for suspicion of being hammered, and obstructing a public way, the apparent crime du jour.
• Oct. 7: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:31 p.m. in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., and arrested the driver, 35, for suspicion of driving on a toot. He was mercifully cited and released to a sober friend.
• Oct. 7: At 10:31 a.m. in the 700 block of Harbor, police spotted a familiar foe in City Park. The scofflaw, 50, had five bench warrants, nevertheless, police cited and released him to amass No. 6 in about a month.