• Nov. 17: Police responded at 3:53 p.m. to a reported battery in the 1100 block of Monterey. No arrests were made, as the battery apparently ran out.
• Nov. 16: Police responded at 2:44 p.m. to a reported disturbed subject causing a disturbance and disturbing the peace in the 600 block of San Jacinto. Police referred the case to County Mental Health.
• Nov. 16: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:30 p.m. in the 1500 block of Main. Logs indicated the 33-year-old woman driver was arrested for suspicion of driving stoned, possession of paraphernalia and illegal drugs, being high, and of course a bench warrant.
• Nov. 15: Police responded at 11:55 p.m. to a disturbance in the 600 block of San Jacinto. Logs indicated they arrested a 35-year-old woman for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and paraphernalia and injected her into the hoosegow.
• Nov. 16: Someone called at 12:40 a.m. to report vandalism in the 800 block of Main, as it apparently couldn’t wait ‘til morning.
• Nov. 15: Police responded at 1:44 p.m. to the 900 block of Main for a report of some scamboogah making criminal threats.
• Nov. 14: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3 p.m. in the 900 block of Quintana. Logs indicated they towed off the car because the registration had expired and the driver apparently had no proof of insurance, hanging offenses in this state.
• Nov. 14: Police were sent to the 2900 block of Dogwood to investigate a suspected case of child abuse.
• Nov. 14: Police responded to the 2700 block of Elm at 8:42 a.m. after somebody graduated from Paradise to Heaven.
• Nov. 14: Police responded at 12:53 a.m. to a disturbance in the 2800 block of Hemlock. Logs indicated officers contacted a boisterous woman, 35, whom they arrested for suspicion of getting wrecked and being smashed in public.
• Nov. 13: Police investigated a reported case of suspected elder abuse in the 2800 block of Greenwood. Logs indicated they deemed the report bogus or otherwise unfounded.
• Nov. 12: Someone else’s passed away, this time in the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd.
• Nov. 12: Police responded at 10 a.m. to a traffic crash in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd. No injuries were reported, and no gory details were available.
• Nov. 11: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:12 p.m. in the area of Dunbar and Prescott. Logs indicated the woman driver, 25, was arrested on suspicion of driving on a toot, with a suspended license, that was suspended for a previous DUI, which put her into the “zero tolerance” testing category, which she of course failed miserably.
• Nov. 11: Police took a report of suspected identity theft in the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd., that apparently occurred sometime overnight, Nov. 10-11. Despite pinning it down that far, logs indicated they couldn’t ID a suspect.
• Nov. 11: Police responded at 8:50 a.m. to the 500 block of Mimosa where a citizen complained about harassing phone calls from some louse he or she has a restraining order against. Logs indicated police called the harasstard and spoke to him or her and then filed the report with the D.A. for potential inaction.
• Nov. 10: Somebody found some something someplace somewhere in the 300 block of Surf.
• Nov. 10: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 3 p.m. in the 600 block of Harbor. The 45-year-old apparent bail jumper was cited and released on five, count ‘em five, bench warrants, no doubt soon to garner a sixth.
• Nov. 10: At 9:47 a.m. police towed off an offensive vehicle parked in the 900 block of Quintana for non-payment of DMV blood money, which now morphs into a ransom.
• Nov. 10: Police and firefighters responded at 2:23 a.m. to a fire in the woods of Black Hill in Morro Bay State Park, between La Loma and Quinn Court. Logs indicated the fire was quickly contained and a 37-year-old apparently homeless man was identified, located and arrested on suspicion of igniting a fire, no matter if it was to battle the cold; and alleged possession of illegal drugs, no doubt also meant to battle the cold.
• Nov. 9: At 2 p.m. police responded to the 100 block of Embarcadero and arrested a 28-year-old hombre with four bench warrants, plus a new charge of alleged possession of suspected drug paraphernalia, his stash no doubt already shot.
• Nov. 9: Police responded to referee a disturbance at 11 a.m. in the 1600 block of Main. Logs indicated they determined it was “mutual combat,” and the fight declared a draw.
• Nov. 8: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 9:14 p.m. in the 900 block of Quintana. The sneaky fellow, 32, had a felony warrant, so they snuck him into the iron bar hotel.
• Nov. 8: Police responded to a disturbing fellow call at 8:42 p.m. at the Harbor Laundry in the 500 block of Quintana Rd. They contacted some squit who refused to leave the premises. Officers advised him of the trespassing laws to which he no doubt happily complied.
• Nov. 7: Police responded at 1 p.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., and the Hampton Inn for what appears to be a cold case. Logs indicated that sometime between June 30 and July 1 a vehicle was stolen out of the parking lot. Logs indicated, “The suspect was unable to be contacted for a statement. The vehicle was also unable to be located,” or so concluded Det. Obvious.
• Nov. 7: Police and fire responded at 3:07 p.m. to the intersection of Beach and Market where an elderly woman was struck and killed by a car while crossing the street.
• Nov. 7: Police responded at 9:42 a.m. to Albertson’s Market in the 700 block of Quintana for a theft report. Logs indicated the case was a felony grand theft — losses topping $950 — which isn’t as hard to do these days.
• Nov. 6: Police responded at 2 p.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of Sequoia Ct. Logs indicated a 35-year-old mulish woman was arrested for violating a domestic violence restraining order.
• Nov. 6: Police responded at 2:04 p.m. to a store in the 500 block of Quintana for a report of vandalism to a trash dumpster. Logs indicated security video captured the suspected fiend “jumping on the dumpster and using a piece of wood to pry the lid open.” No word on whether the apparent dumpster fire was arrested.
• Nov. 5: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the highly suspicious time of 3:08 a.m. on Hwy 1 at South Bay Boulevard. Logs indicated the 35-year-old woman driver was nicked for suspicion of driving fitshaced, domestic violence/spousal or cohabitant battery, and violating a domestic violence restraining order, a case where there’s more to the elephant than the tusks.
• Nov. 5: Police contacted some swizzle stick stirring up trouble at 12:47 a.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. The devotee of Bacchus, 23, was hauled to the County sober living facility to sleep it off.