• April 26: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:32 p.m. after it reportedly blew through a stop sign. Logs indicated the driver was nicked for suspicion of driving toes up into a misdemeanor, and for the stop sign infraction adding a cherry to the top of his nincompoopery.
• April 25: Police responded at 12:27 p.m. to a reported hit-n-split crash at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated they arrested someone for suspicion of crash-n-dash and driving fizzucked.
• April 25: Police ticketed a vehicle at 10 a.m. because the delinquent driver was delinquent paying the annual DMV bloodletting by at least six months.
• April 24: Police were called at 11:18 p.m. to a report of a disorderly person raising a ruckus someplace in town. Logs indicated the bent fellow was nicked for suspicion of not being sober.
• April 24: At 10:16 p.m. police contacted a suspicious subject who they discovered had a felony arrest warrant, and he was checked into the Parkinson Plaza, where you’ll get service with a snarl.
• April 24: Police responded at 7:56 a.m. to a reported car crash. No word on where or if anyone was hurt.
• April 24: Someone turned in something they’d found at some unknown location, presumably somewhere in town at sometime around 1:40 a.m.
• April 23: Police responded at 6 p.m. to a business in town for a reported shoplifting. According to logs, whoever it was also had a bench warrant and when they arrived at County Jail, was discovered to allegedly have drugs in their possession, which opened up another can of worms to include charges of possession and suspicion of bringing illegal drugs into a jail, which is a felony, in yet another example of why they call it dope.
• April 23: At 10:18 a.m. police responded to a restraining order violation report. Logs indicated the matter involved some louse abusing their spouse.
• April 23: At 10:13 a.m. police were at Morro Rock and contacted a suspicious subject that turned out to have a bench warrant, a case of there’s often more to the elephant than the tusks.
• April 23: Police responded at 9:25 a.m. to a reported trespasser at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated they are calling it a felony trespass plus the fool resisted arrest too, so somebody’s in a lot of trouble now!
• April 23: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 12:11 a.m. in Lila Keiser Park who just happened to have a felony arrest warrant, as one never knows what evildoers lurk in the dark of night.
• April 22: Police responded at 1:16 p.m. to an undisclosed location where someone reported a citizen had passed away.
• April 20: Police responded at 2:37 p.m. to a report of identity theft and credit card fraud, and merchandise no doubt went up in smoke at Octopuffs Cigar Store.
• April 20: At 6:09 a.m. police tagged a vehicle with expired tags.
• April 19: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:35 p.m. well past the time most decent people have gone home. Logs indicated the driver was cited for suspicion of driving on a toot and apparently released, likely on foot.
• April 19: Police responded at 8:40 p.m. to an undisclosed location to deal with some fool who was refusing to leave, no doubt after being asked nicely too. Logs indicated the case was deemed felony trespassing, as apparently the mulish fool was really being a pest.
• April 19: At 1:28 p.m. somebody found something somewhere in town and delivered it to the police station.
• April 19: Police ticketed an innocent vehicle at 11:32 a.m. because the owner hadn’t paid the DMV’s annual ransom.
• Apr5il 19: At 8:39 a.m. two cars tried to occupy the same space at the same time with predictable results. Logs didn’t say where this happened nor give the extent of the carnage, but we can always hope for the best.
• April 18: Police responded at 9:17 p.m. to a report of some piflicated fool going full speed with half a brain at an undisclosed location. Logs didn’t say whether the disciple of Bacchus was arrested but that’s the usual result in these cases.
• April 18: Police were called at 8:12 p.m. to Spencer’s Market on North Main to deal with a suspicious subject. He or she had a warrant and was cited then advised to do like Michael and beat it… just beat it…
• April 18: Police discovered another dastardly vehicle at 9:34 a.m. and cited the offensive auto for illegally parking in one place too long, a hanging offense in some parts.
• April 18: Police responded at 9:57 a.m. to the Mobile Gas Station in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated they’d received a couple of rubber checks and wanted to bounce the report over to police. A counterfeiting/forgery case was opened up.
• April 17: Police responded at 9:12 p.m. to an undisclosed location to deal with somebody who was refusing to leave. In a fitting bit of karma logs indicated the interloper was cited for trespassing and then arrested for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs, and felony possession for having at least two priors, an apparent case where the nail that sticks out gets hammered.
• April 17: At 8:41 p.m. police contacted a suspicious subject somewhere in town who turned out to have a misdemeanor bench warrant. The scofflaw was issued another disappearance ticket and released to catch again in a month or two.
• April 17: Police responded at 8:13 p.m. to a disturbance at Round Table Pizza on Quintana Road. Logs indicated someone was arrested for resisting arrest or obstructing emergency personnel, the latest example that chivalry is indeed dead.
• April 17: Police responded at 7:51 p.m. to a suspicious subject call at Albertson’s market on Quintana. Logs indicated they contacted a fellow with a bench warrant, who was issued another notice to appear and released back into the wild.
• April 17: Someone lost something someplace in town and told police about it. No word on whether the treasure has been found yet, but they’re still digging up Oak Island, too.
• April 17: At 11:21 a.m. police responded to yet another call about a trespasser refusing to leave and again logs didn’t indicate where this incident happened nor whether the creeper was cited or, Heaven forbid, arrested.
• April 16: At 3:45 p.m. a citizen reported his or her identity was stolen, and we have no idea who they are.
• April 16: At 2:06 a.m. police responded to a restaurant on Quintana Road for a suspicious subject call. Logs indicated some apparent Hamburglar was discovered at McDonalds and he had a felony warrant. He was checked into the iron bar hotel, hold the lettuce.
• April 15: Police responded at 12:58 p.m. to a report of embezzlement at the Morro Strand RV Park on Atascadero Road.
• April 15: At 4 a.m. at an undisclosed location police seized somebody’s vehicle apparently because the driver was incompetent. Logs, citing Vehicle Code Sec. 22651(G), said, “person in charge of a vehicle upon a highway or public land is, by reason of physical injuries or illness, incapacitated to an extent so as to be unable to provide for its custody or removal.”
• April 14: At 2:56 p.m. someone turned in at the police station something they’d found, presumably somewhere in town.
• April 14: Police at 9:05 p.m. contacted a suspicious subject who had a felony, out-of-county warrant, two local warrants and allegedly gave police a fake name, an apparent case of nice try buddy.
• April 14: At 2:30 p.m. police responded to a reported car crash. No juicy details were available.
• April 14: Police responded at 1:43 p.m. to what appears to have been the crime of the week, a trespassing report. Logs indicated the apparent Schmoe was ticketed for alleged trespassing and was then reportedly found to be in possession of suspected illegal drugs.