• May 10: A police task force stormed a parked car and cited the offending auto for having expired tags, a hanging offense in some parts.
• May 9: Police responded at 7:53 p.m. to a disturbance at some undisclosed location. Logs indicated the call involved some idjit violating a domestic violence restraining order.
• May 9: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:17 a.m. somewhere presumably in town. Logs indicated the driver was nicked for suspicion of driving twisted. The charge was a misdemeanor, so he or she was likely cited and released to someone that’s a bit more sober.
• May 9: Police responded at 3:30 p.m. to a car crash. No location was listed, nor was the extent of a severity of the possible injuries revealed in media logs, but the cars will never be the same.
• May 8: Police responded at 1:10 p.m. to a thrift store on Morro Bay Boulevard after some scalawag shoplifted at Castaways.
• May 8: At 9:18 a.m. police took a report of alleged identity theft, as the scourge of the 21st Century continues to wreak havoc.
• May 7: At 1:22 p.m. police responded to another car crash, again at an undisclosed location.
• May 7: Police responded at 9:19 a.m. to a report of someone finding something apparently of some value at in some motel room at the Best Western, unfortunately there are two Best Westerns in town — the Tradewinds on Beach Street and San Marcos Inn on Pacific Street.
• May 6: At 6:26 p.m. police contacted some apparent Swagman at an undisclosed location who had a bench warrant. He or she was likely issued a second disappearance ticket and released to catch another day.
• May 5: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 11:15 p.m. who they arrested on suspicion of being high as the stacks on drugs.
• May 5: At 8:49 p.m. police followed a suspicious vehicle into Taco Bell and ended up citing the Chalupa Grande for driving on a suspended license that was taken away because he or she got caught driving drunk, which will not make the judge happy.
• May 5: Police responded at 1:16 p.m. to a motel at Dunes and Morro, as some trespasser was apparently upsetting the serenity at La Serena Inn.
• May 4: Police were called at 4:51 p.m. to break up a fight at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated some ruffian was charged with suspicion of felony making criminal terrorist threats and misdemeanor simple assault, though the victim might not agree with the simplicity of it.
• May 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:17 p.m. at the U.S. Coast Guard Station Morro Bay, in the 1200 block of the Embarcadero. Logs indicated the driver of the car was busted for suspicion of driving three sheets to the wind and resisting arrests.
• May 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:32 p.m. and cited the peanut for suspicion of driving on a suspended license, which was taken away for previously driving roasted.
• May 3: Police contacted an urban camper at 2:30 p.m. at Coleman Park and cited the apparent gaggle head for illegally camping where the tourists can see him.
• May 3: Police discovered a vehicle with expired tags and cited the fiendish auto sentencing the owner to Purgatory at the DMV.
• May 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:59 p.m. at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated the driver was cited for misdemeanor driving trashed and possession of illegal drugs and issued a 1-way ticket to Palookaville.
• May 2: Police responded to a report that some apparent thief allegedly boosted a vehicle without permission, aka felony auto theft.
• May 1: Police came across a vehicle at 9:11 a.m. that was parked in one place for too long and cited the offensive machine, because you should never bow before hyenas.
May 1: Police responded at 6 a.m. to Albertsons for a report of an unwelcomed fellow refusing to leave, or as logs put it “TRSP FEL REF LV PRVT PRP.”
• April 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at an undisclosed location at 5:40 p.m. Logs indicated the chimney fish driver was nicked for suspicion of driving drunk and stoned.
• April 30: Police responded to a disturbance at 3:50 p.m. at Spencer’s Market on North Main. Logs indicated some mulish Mamaluke got spanked for violating a stay-the-hell-away court order.
• April 29: Police responded at 11:38 p.m. to a disturbance at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated they rousted some apparent Scruffy Philistine for getting drunk and going all woolly-booger.
• April 29: At 9:53 p.m. police stopped a suspicious bicyclist and arrested the sinister cyclist for suspicion of riding on the razzle and violating his or her probationary obligation not to indulge in such nincompoopery.
• April 28: Police responded at 2:15 p.m. to a reported trespasser at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated officers cited the dingus and then the Moonraker apparently started resisting arrest, which of course he lost because you can’t shovel water with a pitchfork.
• April 28: Police responded to a car crash at 11:38 a.m. at an undisclosed location. No word on the extent of the carnage.
• April 27: Police responded to the USA Gas Station on Main Street after they uncovered the unauthorized use of a credit card, which could be fraud or identity theft depending on the extent of the skullduggery afoot.
• April 27: Police at the high school took a report of petty theft from a motor vehicle. No word on what was stolen but no worry, mummy and poppy will no doubt replace it.