• Feb. 1: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at Bottle Liquor in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated the scofflaw had expired registration and allegedly tried but failed to get away with phony tags, a case of Homey don’t play that.
• Jan. 31: Police responded to a car crash somewhere in town at 3 p.m. No injuries were reported but the car will never be the same.
• Jan. 31: Some poor schmoe ended the year on a low note when he or she was picked up on a bench warrant.
• Jan. 30: At 11:38 p.m. police cited some lead foot tearing it up at Morro Rock and cited the dingus for reckless driving.
• Jan. 30: Police were called at 7:42 p.m. to a disturbance at Albertson’s Market in the 700 block of Quintana Rd. Logs indicated they arrested some annoying flesh monkey causing a hoo-ha-ha. Logs indicated the fellow was allegedly drunk and disorderly, and naturally when they frisked him, they allegedly found suspected illegal drugs, drug paraphernalia and a concealed knife. The repeat customer also had at least two previous convictions for drugs reinforcing the notion that the nail that sticks out gets hammered.
• Jan. 29: Police responded to a reported burglary at 2:04 p.m. at an undisclosed location presumably in town. Logs indicated the felonious fellow also allegedly exhibited a deadly weapon not a firearm, listed as a misdemeanor, with the burglary called a felony.
• Jan. 29: Police responded to a disturbance at 1:05 p.m. at the Family Partnership Charter School, located at the old Morro Elementary on Monterey. Logs indicated they arrested the source of the nincompoopery and charged him with trespassing, possession of drugs and paraphernalia, and having an open hooch container in public, which explains a lot.
• Jan. 29: Police responded to another car crash at 10:21 p.m. but logs didn’t say where it happened or if anyone was injured, not exactly a fountain of information.
• Jan. 27: Police responded to a disturbance at 9:09 p.m. at Central Coast Glass where they nicked some hoodlum with a bench warrant.
• Jan. 27: Police responded at 4:54 p.m. to the Morro Bay Bike Park on Little Morro Creek Road for a reported grand theft. The usual suspects were no doubt rounded up.
• Jan. 27: Police responded at 1:48 p.m. to the Morro Strand State Beach Campground at the end of Yerba Buena. Logs indicated they nicked somebody for alleged possession of illegal drugs and drug paraphernalia, another case of arriving on vacation and leaving on probation.
• Jan. 26: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 11:24 p.m. who had an out-of-county warrant. He or she was treated to a stay at the County health spa.
• Jan. 26: At 11:49 a.m. police took a report of someone falling prey to swindlers and cheated out of over $400.
• Jan. 26: Police pulled over a suspicious vehicle at 12:20 p.m. at Anytime Fitness on Quintana Road. Logs indicated the driver didn’t have a license and was cited and sentenced to purgatory at the DMV.
• Jan. 15: Police, hunting up disciples of Bacchus, at 10:41 p.m. stopped a suspicious car on Hwy 1 at San Bernardo Creek Road. Logs indicated the driver had allegedly been saying hello to his buddy, Johnnie Walker, and his brothers Black and Red.
• Jan. 25: At 1:50 p.m. police roused some Jeremiah Johnson in the 300 block of Surf and cited the slacker for illegally camping in public.
• Jan. 24: Police responded at 8:10 p.m. to Hwy 1 and Atascadero Riad, for an apparent hairy crack up car crash, if the skid marks running across the highway can be considered a hint.
• Jan. 24: Police were called at 11:16 p.m. to the 2600 block of Ironwood for a reported missing person.
• Jan. 22: Police responded at 11 a.m. to a reported vandalism in the 400 block of Main at the Pizza Port. No word on what the graffidiots damaged.
• Jan. 21: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the highly suspect time of 11:12 p.m. in the 1600 block of Main, the heart of the danger zone. The driver was nicked for suspicion of driving deep in his cups.
• Jan. 21: Police responded to the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. for a reported case of some apparent Nodcock allegedly committing elder abuse causing bodily injury and then resisted arrest and allegedly battered a police office.
• Jan. 21: Police towed off an offensive vehicle with an expired registration in the 900 block of Quintana Rd. The owner is now sentenced to spend eternity at the DMV, while their vehicle suffers the indignity of impoundment.
• Jan. 20: Police responded at 8:23 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Main. Logs indicated some bent fellow was popped for allegedly being drunk and acting dastardly.
• Jan. 29: Police responded at 12:51 p.m. to the 100 block of Gilbert where someone said his or her car had suffered the slings and arrows of a crash-n-dash.
• Jan. 20: Police responded to a suspicious subject call at 9:30 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana Rd. Logs indicated they arrested some repeat offender fool for suspicion of possessing drugs at McDonalds, a case of dang boy, there’s gotta be a safer place to party.
• Jan. 19: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 8: 49 p.m. in the 1300 block of Main. Logs indicated the reprobationer had been naughty with a warrant and a pocket full of drugs, so he or she was violated and booked into the hoosegow.
• Jan. 19: Police responded at 2:31 p.m. to the 300 block of Java. The residents were boggled ‘cause they’d been burgled. Logs indicated someone made off with over $950 cash making it a felony grand theft and no doubt launching a task force to hunt up the scoundrel.