• Feb. 2: Police responded to a disturbance in the 1100 block of Monterey at 3:30 p.m. Logs indicated a disagreeable cur, 26, was hauled to the hoosegow for violating a “leave-her-the-hell-alone” court order.
• Feb. 1: Police were called at 6:51 p.m. by someone at a local watering hole in the 900 block of Main who said he or she just got beat up. Logs indicated police arrived after the dust had settled and the alleged batterer had split. Logs didn’t name a suspect, but no doubt everyone in the bar knows who done it.
• Feb. 1: Police responded to McDonald’s on Quintana Road for a report of the Golden Arches getting bogus $20 bills on two separate dates, as the Hamburgler strikes again.
• Feb. 1: Police responded to the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for a disturbing woman having a bit of a moment. According to logs, the 31-year-old trickster was nicked for suspicion of being stoned in public and trying to use a fake ID to get something and make the poor sap she conned pay for it.
• Jan. 31: Police responded at 9:11 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana for a shoplifting report, as the sticky-fingered miscreant apparently got away.
• Jan. 31: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7:05 p.m. at Pacific and Napa. Logs indicated a 48-year-old borracho got hauled to jail for suspicion of driving soaked in panther sweat.
• Jan. 31: Police responded at 6:23 p.m. to the Albertson’s Market parking lot in the 700 block of Quintana where some poor innocent vehicle was vandalized. Logs indicated the dastardly deed was committed sometime between 7:50 and 11 p.m. on Jan. 29. Police are investigating the cowardly defacement as a felony.
• Jan. 31: Police responded at 9 a.m. to the boat launch ramp in the 300 block of Embarcadero after some scurvy dog pinched a man’s inflatable dingy.
• Jan. 30: At 10:45 p.m. police spotted a suspicious subject hanging around City Park in the 700 block of Harbor. A 46-year-old mope was arrested for suspicion of being on dope and possession of same. He spent the night at the County B&B.
• Jan. 30: Police contacted a swizzle stick traipsing down the 900 block of Pacific at 2:08 p.m. Logs indicated the 30-year-old fellow was nicked for allegedly being stultified in public.
• Jan. 29: Police responded at 1:42 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Driftwood. Logs indicated a 28-year-old apparent nodcock was arrested for suspicion of vandalizing and defacing property.
• Jan. 28: Police at the Tuesday night City Council meeting arrested a 28-year-old man after he displayed a big knife during public comments. In a somewhat unusual 3-minute speech, the man talked about the blade’s history bringing death on WWII battlefields, how it is now an agriculture implement he’s used to slay countless weeds, being cursed at by a neighbor, and wondering if the blade would ever again be used to kill fascists. The speech was a bit dramatic, and did not land well with the Mayor, who called a brief recess to whisper something to the police chief regarding the incident. In a rare occasion when an alleged crime happens on live TV, police logs indicated the fellow “entered the Veteran’s Memorial Building… while possessing a large, sword bayonet.”
Brandishing such an instrument — whether a bayonet, sword or “machete” as he characterized it — is a crime in California potentially punishable by a year in prison. In this reporter’s over 33-plus years covering the Morro Bay City Council, it’s the first time in memory someone has brandished a weapon in such a manner while speaking at the podium, though it’s no doubt not the first time a weapon was brought to a council meeting.
• Jan. 29: Police responded at midnight to a car crash on Hwy 1 at San Jacinto, as the infamous highway stoplights strike again.
• Jan. 29: Police responded to a report of a woman acting strangely at 2:09 p.m. in the 700 block of Market. Logs indicated the lass got hauled to the County’s quiet room for a 72-hour timeout.
• Jan. 29: Police responded to the old teen center on Atascadero Road after some hooligan vandalized the place.
• Jan. 27: At 6 a.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow in the 600 block of Piney Way. The 29-year-old master criminal was arrested for suspicion of felony vandalism; mail theft; petty theft; first-degree burglary; battery; and assault with a deadly weapon other than a firearm. The ruffian was thrown into the County lockup.
• Jan. 25: Police were downtown at 2:40 a.m. huntin’ up scalawags and came across a likely suspect sidling along the sidewalk at Main and Morro Bay Boulevard, in the very heart of the Danger Zone. According to logs, the 29-year-old party-time straggler appeared to be intoxicated, so officers rained on his parade and arrested the bloke. Adding to his woes, they also allegedly found suspected drug paraphernalia and an illegal switchblade knife. He got booked into the County sober living facility.
• Jan. 24: Police responded to the 500 block of Kings for a reported missing person. No word on whether the Great Houdini ever reappeared.
• Jan. 24: Police contacted an apparent urban camper at 11:36 p.m. parked in a lot in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the outdoorsman got cited for violating Muni Code Section 8.24.010 (B) — aka the “anti-sleeping-where-they-can’t-collect-a-tax” law. Officers apparently couldn’t rouse the sleeping interloper and so left the ticket on the camper’s windshield.
• Jan. 24: Police responded at 3:26 p.m. to a store in the 1100 block of Front St., where some sticky-fingered thief had stolen some undisclosed treasure.
• Jan. 24: Police espied a suspicious fellow at 8:30 a.m. in the area of Embarcadero and Coleman Drive. Logs indicated the Schmoe, 38, was nicked for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and having an open container of hooch, but it’s possible that having six bench warrants helped sealed his immediate fate.
• Jan. 23: Police contacted a suspicious man and woman at 5:33 p.m. in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the woman, 23, was arrested for suspicion of felony child endangerment and resisting arrest. The 28-year-old apparent Snallygaster got himself arrested for suspicion of obstructing an officer, a case where silence may have been the wiser play.
• Jan. 23: Police responded at 4:45 p.m. to the 500 block of Mimosa where someone reportedly stole an electric bike.
• Jan. 22: Police and fire responded to two minor car crashes. The first call came in at 10:14 a.m. on Hwy 1 at Orcas Street. The second was at 3:15 p.m. in the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd.
• Jan. 22: Someone turned in a wallet he or she found someplace on Arbutus Avenue.
• Jan. 21: Police responded at 3:30 p.m. to a car crash in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Sorry, no deaths or disfiguring bloody injuries to report.
• Jan. 21: Police responded at 2:21 p.m. to the Allesandro Mini Storage in the 1000 block of Allesandro Ave., where someone broke into a storage unit and stole buried treasures.
• Jan. 21: Someone found a brown, travel suitcase in the 500 block of Mimosa and called the police, as it no doubt didn’t contain valuables worth keeping.
• Jan. 21: Police responded at 10:31 a.m. to Ironwood and Atascadero Road where some poor soul apparently woke up in Heaven.
• Jan. 20: Police towed away a car parked in the 900 block of Morro for failure to submit to the DMV’s bloodletting.
• Jan. 20: At 9 a.m. in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd. police contacted a familiar foe and issued the apparent globster a citation for failure to appear on the last citation they issued.