• Feb. 16: Police responded at 12:12 a.m. to the 600 block of Morro for a discovery that’s no laughing matter. Logs indicated three full boxes of nitrous oxide, aka laughing gas, were found abandoned next to a city street tree. Police confiscated the gas and marked it for destruction.
• Feb. 15: Someone turned in a cell phone they found in the 600 block of Harbor.
• Feb. 15: Police at Morro Bay High School started a report on a reported battery. Logs indicated police have no leads and it was an unknown suspect, though no doubt the whole school knows who did it.
• Feb. 15: Police contacted a relatively new customer at 8:38 a.m. in the 700 block of Harbor and cited and released him for just one bench warrant.
• Feb. 14: Police responded at 7:43 p.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated a 23-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence and spent the rest of Valentine’s Day in the pokey.
• Feb. 14: Police responded to the 3400 block of Panorama Dr., where they apparently foiled a major scam. Logs indicated someone had withdrawn $15,000 as part of a scam but was apparently stopped before losing it all.
• Feb. 14: Police documented the purchase of a firearm and reported it to the Automated Firearm System (AFS) California’s system of firearm records.
• Feb. 14: At 8:40 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., two cars tried to occupy the same space at the same time with predictable results. No injuries reported.
• Feb. 13: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:44 p.m. on Errol Street. Logs indicated the 35-year-old borracho driving was nicked for suspicion of driving
schnockered.
• Feb. 13: Police espied a suspicious fellow at 10:21 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. The 40-year-old scofflaw had a failure to appear bench warrant but was cited and released to catch again another day, no doubt part of the new DOGE-proof job security program.
• Feb. 11: Police responded to the 100 block of Sandpiper Ln., where an elderly man was reportedly “gravely disabled.” Police took the elderly gent to County Mental Health for his own good.
• Feb. 11: Police responded to the 500 block of Bernardo where a citizen told them of being harassed via online social media. According to logs, “The suspect is not known and believed to be using a fake online profile,” as these cowardly Scamboogahs tend to do.
• Feb. 11: Police responded to the 3200 block of Tide and towed off a boat sitting on a trailer for being parked too long in the same place, a hanging offense in some parts.
• Feb. 11: Someone turned in a set of keys they found at Del Mar Park, leaving it to police to unlock the mystery.
• Feb. 11: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 1:55 a.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated a 72-year-old lady was arrested for alleged possession of illegal drugs and paraphernalia. She spent the night in the County B&B.
• Feb. 10: Police responded at 2:15 p.m. to the Sea Breeze Inn, in the 1000 block of Main after reportedly refusing to check out. The 56-year-old fellow was arrested on a bench warrant out of Solano County, for as Confucius never said, “Man with price on head, best to move butt out of room on time.”
• Feb. 10: Police responded to the 900 block of Embarcadero after some scalawag used a bogus credit card at Wavelengths Surf Shop.
• Feb. 10: At 9:45 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana, police came across a familiar foe, 34, who had a felony warrant. He was also allegedly in possession of drug paraphernalia, his stash apparently already gone up in smoke.
• Feb. 9: At 9:13 p.m. in the 800 block of Main, police were in the midst of some police work when some butt-in-sky apparently stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. The 26-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of resisting arrest and obstructing police business, and being a drunken dingus, which explains a lot.
• Feb. 9: At 7:21 a.m. in the 3300 block of Panorama, police contacted a suspicious 43-year-old fellow with a felony warrant, and he too was an alleged obstructionist to police, adding to his season of woe.
• Feb. 9: Police contacted a suspicious dude at 4:52 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., after he allegedly caused some kind of ruckus at Motel 6. Logs indicated the 42-year-old criminal mastermind was nicked for alleged possession of suspected methamphetamine, being stoned on drugs and later, charges of having prior convictions for these same crimes, were added. Still the crankster was cited and released.
• Feb. 9: Police responded at midnight to a disturbance in the 800 block of Main. Logs indicated a 37-year-old hombre was locked up for suspicion of being sloppy in public, challenging someone to a bar fight (never a good idea), and battery on a police officer. The apparent train wreck was tossed into the dungeon to sleep it off.
• Feb. 8: At 10:04 p.m. yet another report of nincompoopery brought police to the 800 block of Main. A 31-year-old bent fellow was tossed into the gaol for suspicion of being a lush in public.
• Feb. 8: Police responded at 2:56 p.m. to the 400 block of Monterey for yet another drunken, beclowned fool making an arse of himself. This time a 30-year-old bonehead was arrested for suspicion of being zosted plus he had four bench warrants.
• Feb. 7: At 1:47 p.m. police responded to Coleman Park, at Coleman Drive and Embarcadero where someone reported a battery had occurred. Police filed a report.
• Feb. 7: Police took a couple of burglary reports at a storage facility at Allesandro and Kings, and a task force is no doubt being formed to catch the villains.
• Feb. 5: Someone parked a vehicle blocking a driveway in the 400 block of Harbor and police said it was “impractical to move the vehicle from in front of the driveway to another point on the highway,” which might explain the lousy park job in the first place. So apparently having no other choice, they towed the vehicle away.
• Feb. 5: Police responded at 7:25 a.m. to a report of a disturbance in the 2800 block of Ironwood. Logs indicated officers arrested a 26-year-old apparent bonehead for suspicion of felony vandalism (over $400 in damage), and three counts of resisting arrest. The little snot waffle cooled his jets in the lockup.