• March 16: Police responded at 7 p.m. to the 200 block of Dunes where some interloper was reportedly trespassing.
• March 16: police responded at 9 a.m. to Walker’s Trailer Park in the 1100 block of Morro. According to logs someone was nicked for alleged possession of suspected drugs with two prior convictions, which police said was a felony; a felony warrant and a misdemeanor warrant; and finally for trespassing. No word on whether the fiend was arrested, but that’s probably the way to bet.
• March 15: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:39 p.m. at Monterey and South. Logs indicated the hooligan driver had a suspended license and was sentenced to life at the DMV.
• March 15: Police responded at 6:35 p.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of LaJolla. Logs indicated some apparent maniac was arrested for felony aggravated assault, misdemeanor assault on a police officer and assault on an emergency medical technician. One would hope the ingrate went to jail to cool their jets.
• March 15: Police responded at 3 p.m. to the 1100 block of Morro where they served a bench warrant. According to logs, while there, they also piled on charges of alleged possession of illegal drugs and drug paraphernalia, proving once again that ignoring warrants doesn’t pay in the long run.
• March 14: Police responded at 4:41 a.m. to the area of Napa and Driftwood where they apparently arrested someone for a misdemeanor bench warrant, which got compounded into a felony drug possession, and felony possession with two or more prior convictions for the same nefarious activities, in this weeks example of why they call it dope.
• March 13: Police at the high school started a crime report for alleged truancy. No word on whether the miscreant was arrested.
• March 13: Police responded at 11 a.m. to the 500 block of Napa for a missing person report. No word on whether the prodigal son or daughter returned.
• March 12: Police responded at 8:12 p.m. to Albertson’s Market on Quintana. Logs indicated they had nabbed some alleged shoplifter and charged the pilfering nodcock with felony shoplifting, as the fool had at least two prior convictions for using the help-yourself check out lane.
• March 12: The help-yourself sale at Albertson’s was apparently in full swing as police responded at 2:23 p.m. to arrest one criminal genius for felony grand theft. They returned at 5:10 p.m. to arrest another, less-ambitious thief for suspicion of misdemeanor shoplifting.
• March 12: At 9:18 a.m. police responded to Lila Keiser Park for yet another reported vandalism, as the crankypated sneetches apparently struck again.
• March 11: Police contacted an apparent swizzle stick traipsing along at 2:39 p.m. in the 500 block of Harbor. Logs didn’t say whether the fellow was arrested but that’s the normal turn of events with the stultified among us.
• March 11: Police responded at 10:17 a.m. to the 200 block of Beach where some pirate pinched some
undisclosed booty.
• March 10: Police responded at 11:26 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1100 block of Market. Logs indicated someone was trespassing and refusing to leave, no doubt after being asked politely too. No word on whether the humanicus dooficus was arrested.
• March 10: Police responded to the 100 block of Atascadero Rd., at 11 a.m. after someone reportedly broke into a vehicle and stole undisclosed items. Logs indicated the case rose to a felony, so they’re in trouble now.
• March 10: Police responded at 10 a.m. to the 2900 block of Hemlock for a report of suspected child abuse without great bodily injury or death, which is a relief. Logs listed the alleged crime as a misdemeanor.
• March 7: Somebody turned in some undisclosed something somewhere in the 700 block of Harbor. No telling what accursed Oak Island Treasure was found.
• March 7: Police responded at 10:25 a.m. to Legend’s Tavern at Harbor and Main after some apparent pest violated a stay-the-hell-away court order. Logs did not indicate whether the mulish fellow was arrested.
• March 7: Police responded at 9:33 a.m. to Bottle Liquors in the 900 block of Main after they apparently spotted someone with sticky fingers using the help-yourself lane.
• March 7: At 8:54 a.m. police caught up to some apparent bail jumper in the 300 block of Surf. No word on whether he or she is being held to answer for this scofflaw-ish behavior.
• March 6: Police responded at noon to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., where some apparent thief was plying his or her chosen trade. They returned an hour later for the same reason, as apparently the thief was quite busy this morning.
• March 6: Police responded at 9:46 a.m. to the 500 block of Monterey for a reported trespasser. No word on whether the trespass was forgiven, nor whether the scoundrel was even caught.
• March 5: Police responded to Del Mar Park at noon after some graffidiot apparently left his mark.
• March 5: Police contacted some suspicious person at 11:53 p.m. in the 600 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the apparent stoner was possibly cited for misdemeanor drug possession and possession of suspected paraphernalia, and most likely released to go replenish their stash.
• March 5: Police responded at 6:24 p.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., at the Morro Inn & Suites, where an apparent guest had checked out. No foul play was indicated, though the logs now wouldn’t say either way.
• March 5: Somebody at the police station on Morro Bay Boulevard turned in another undisclosed something they found somewhere, sometime earlier.
• March 4: Police encountered a suspicious fellow at 11:54 p.m. at Albertson’s on Quintana Road who had a local misdemeanor warrant. No word on what they did to the master criminal.
• March 4: Police responded at 9:20 a.m. to Del Mar Park where yet another weapons grade moron had committed vandalism. According to logs, at the exact same time, officers responded to Lila Keiser Park where another gaggle head vandalized public property.
• March 3: Police responded at 9:35 p.m. to a disturbance at Monterey and Beach. Logs indicated the call involved the violation of a court order for a previous domestic violence case and for allegedly possessing suspected drugs. No word on whether the lobstrocity was arrested this time.