• May 11: The warrant squad was apparently on the job as logs indicated officers rousted three wanted people at three different locations. At 4:30 p.m. they found one scofflaw in the 2000 block of Main; at 5:30 p.m. they nabbed another in the 300 block of San Gabriel; and, at 10:27 p.m. they caught the third louseketeer in the 400 block of Monterey.
• May 10: Police responded at 5 p.m. to the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for a reported battery at the Morro Bay Mobile Station.
• May 10: Police responded at 10:37 a.m. to a disturbance in the 1000 block of Market. Logs chalked it up to a mental health matter.
• May 9: At 11:02 p.m. police clocked a speeding car at Main and Radcliff. Logs indicated the driver was arrested for suspicion of driving honked with a speeding ticket thrown in for good measure.
• May 8: Police started a report for identify theft by an unknown chiseler, at an undisclosed location, but it was listed as a felony.
• May 8: Someone at Hill and Bayview reported getting ripped off of some undisclosed and apparently not too valuable treasure. The case was a misdemeanor.
• May 7: Police in the 700 block of Quintana caught up to a delinquent with a bench warrant outside Albertson’s Market.
• May 7: At 9 p.m. in the 500 block of Quintana, police caught a crook at the Catch a Wave Salon.
• May 7: Police responded to the 300 block of Kings for a report of stolen car parts, as apparently another catalytic converter got converted into cash.
• May 7: Police responded to the 3300 block of Panorama Dr., for a vandalism report.
• May 7: Police took a report of suspected child abuse at a home in the 1600 block of 14th St. in Los Osos.
• May 7: At 7:30 a.m. police contacted a suspicious subject at the USA Gas Station in the 1700 block of Main who had a bench warrant and was allegedly found in possession of drugs with two or more prior convictions for drugs. No word on whether Congress is planning a protest.
• May 6: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 9:40 p.m. in the 800 block of Quintana. The weapons grade moron had an out-of-county warrant, yet another case of arrive on vacation and leave on probation.
• May 5: Police responded to the 900 block of Balboa for a report of some tortured soul getting annoying, threatening or harassing phone calls, a problem that a blast in the earhole with an air horn usually cures.
• May 5: Police contacted a suspicious fellow traipsing along in the 300 block of Surf, who had apparently been playing a little ring-around-the-nosey.
• May 5: Police responded at 9:41 a.m. to a watering hole in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated the alarm was sounded at The Siren after someone apparently used a fake credit card. Logs indicated additional charges of theft of personal property, using a false ID with someone else’s credit card and criminal conspiracy were also listed. And, someone had apparently found something worth handing over to police.
• May 5: Police responded at 8:31 a.m. to a hoo-ha-ha in the 600 block of Harbor. Logs indicated they nicked a ululating slizzard and issued a 1-way ticket to Palooka-ville.
• May 4: At 1:12 p.m. the police posse rounded up another wanted doggie in City Park and lassoed him or her into another court appearance.
• May 4: Two cars went badda-boom in the 600 block of Harbor at 11:39 a.m. No apparent carnage resulted.
• May 3: At 7:43 p.m. police contacted another dingus on the lam from a felony bench warrant in City Park on Harbor Street.
• May 3: Police returned to the City Park honey hole where they contacted a suspicious subject who they discovered to allegedly be in possession of a crack pipe.
• May 3: At 7 a.m. police towed away an apparently slacker vehicle parked for too long at Main and Harbor.
• May 2: Police responded at 8 p.m. to a disturbance as some apparently schnockered knot head was pining for trouble on Piney Way at Morro Bay Boulevard.
• May 2: Police responded at 9:19 a.m. to Todd’s Garage in the 900 block of Quintana and apparently ticketed a car parked on the street with expired tags, which no garage can fix.
• May 1: Some scoundrel got into a parked car in the 800 block of Ridgeway stealing undisclosed treasures.
• May 1: Some petty thief committed petty theft in the 1300 block of Main.
• May 1: Police responded to Micky-D’s in the 700 block of Quintana for a reported case of grand theft, you want fries with that?
• April 30: A suspicious subject with a bench warrant turned himself or herself in at the police station, as sometimes they just jump in the boat.
• April 30: Police responded at 6:39 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana for a reported fender-bender.
• April 30: Someone in the 500 block of Embarcadero reported that petty theft was afoot at 5:30 p.m.
• April 30: Someone at the Family Partnership Charter School in the 1100 block of Napa found something of no doubt great importance and turned it over to police.
• April 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11 a.m. at Main and Beach. Logs indicated the driver had a suspended license for a DUI and had allegedly taken off the car’s court-ordered, interlock device, used to make sure saucy folks don’t drive stewed.
• April 29: Police responded to the 500 block of Bernardo for a grand theft report. No word on what money, labor or property was stolen, swindled or defrauded.
• April 29: Police responded to the 700 block of Quintana and met with Chuck’s Towing on some informational matter.
• April 29: Police responded at 10:44 a.m. to a traffic collision in the 400 block of Little Morro Creek Rd.
• April 28: Police responded at 11:43 p.m. to the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., for a reported case of felony false imprisonment.
• April 28: Police responded at 4:25 p.m. to the 2200 block of Emerald Cr., where someone had checked out of paradise and into Heaven.
• April 28: Someone broke into another car in the 300 block of Quintana and stole enough stuff to constitute a felony grand theft report.
• April 28: Some apparent unknown sinner committed felony vandalism at St. Timothy’s Catholic Church in the 500 block of Piney Way, for which you can rest assured there was at least one unimpeachable witness, God.
• April 26: Police got in motion at 7:40 p.m. to City Park on Harbor Street for a notion of some kind of commotion. Logs indicated some joker got a snoot full then went about disturbing the straights. He or she got a citation.
• April 26: Someone found something of some value somewhere by Morro Rock. Police have it now.
• April 24: At 8:30 p.m. someone reported being robbed, as unknown scalawags broke into a parked car to pinch the booty.
• April 26: Police encountered some unnamed miscreant fellow with a bench warrant. Logs, in their newfound thoroughness and in the sense of non-disclosure, didn’t say where or who or how many, but it happened at 12:53 a.m.
• April 25: Police responded to Albertson’s Market at 10:18 p.m. for a reported shoplifter taking the ol’ 5-finger discount. Logs indicated the secret shopper had prior petty theft convictions making this one a potential felony, so they’re in real trouble now.
• April 25: Police responded at 1:42 p.m. to a burglary report at a fast food and indigestion joint on Main Street. Logs indicated some bandito desperado had looted Taco Bell and no doubt then made a run for the border.
• April 25: Police logged a report for something somebody had found at an undisclosed, and apparently super secret location, presumably in town. So if you lost something and don’t know where, hey it might be yours.
• April 25: At 10 a.m. someone reported a case of alleged felony vandalism and defacement of property. Logs didn’t give a location or the nature of the skullduggery.
• April 25: Police responded to a reported car crash at 8:34 a.m., so if you got stuck in traffic, now you know why.
• April 24: Police got a report of theft from a vehicle, as the tourist tax gets collected once again.
• April 24: Police contacted a familiar foe at 9:11 p.m. at Central Coast Glass in the 400 block of Quintana. The scofflaw was issued another disappearance ticket and released.
• April 24: At 8:15 p.m. police responded to an undisclosed location in town where some soul had died, and if you’re reading this, it wasn’t you.
• April 24: Police responded quickie-quickie to the Harbor Hut Tiki-Tiki on The Embarcadero where some chiseler had bounced a rubber check.
• April 24: Police espied a suspicious vehicle at 2:17 p.m. and cited the slacker-mobile for expired registration.
• April 24: Someone came to the police station and turned over yet more stuff they found somewhere in town.
• April 23: At 2 p.m. police responded to a disturbance someplace in town (we guess they’d rather not say), and apparently cited the disruptive Falstaffian Disciple of Bacchus for getting drunk and disorderly.
• April 21: Police responded at 3:18 p.m. to a report of some tortured soul being harassed by some harasstard with repeated harassing phone calls, for which a call block apparently wouldn’t work.
• April 21: Another offensive vehicle was cited someplace in town for parking in one place too long.
• April 21: At 8:11 a.m. police responded to yet another reported car burglary. Logs didn’t say where this was.
• April 21: At 7:45 a.m. police took a report of truancy as apparently some hooligan decided school was out today, or maybe the surf was up.