• June 29: Police responded at 11:48 p.m. to a suspicious subject report and caught some lost soul with a warrant outside the Salvation Army store.
• June 28: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7 p.m. somewhere presumably in town. Logs indicated the Snallygaster was nicked for suspicion of driving whacked.
• June 28: Police contacted another model citizen at 4:47 p.m. who had a warrant. No word on what they did with the scofflaw.
• June 28: At 4 p.m. someone came to the police station on Morro Bay Boulevard to turn over some undisclosed apparent treasure they’d discovered someplace in town, so if you lost it, good luck.
• June 28: At 12:38 a.m. police tried to stop a suspicious vehicle at an undisclosed location, but logs indicated the driver hit the gas instead and foolishly tried to get away, but they didn’t. When the chase was over, and the prey subdued he or she was nicked for suspicion of resisting arrest, evading police, driving on a suspended license and drunk driving, which explains a lot.
• June 27: Police responded at 8:44 p.m. to Rite Aid on Quintana Road where they encountered an unwelcomed fellow wanted by the law.
• June 27: Yet another treasure was discovered in town by an undisclosed someone and turned over to police to unlock the mystery.
• June 27: Police stopped another suspicious vehicle at 8:06 a.m. and cited the driver for a suspended license, a hanging offense in this State.
• June 27: Police responded at 7:20 a.m. to Morro Rock parking lot for a disturbance. Logs indicated they started two cases — one for simple assault and the other for strong arm robbery.
• June 28: Police responded at 12:41 p.m. to a disturbance in City Park. Logs indicated some apparent fallstaffian ruffian was nicked for being stupid in public.
• June 25: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle for some a code violation at 10:17 p.m. at Marina Street and Morro Avenue. Officers said the driver was suspected of being impaired due to his apparent poor driving skills. Officers reportedly spotted a handgun in the vehicle on the floorboard at the driver’s feet. An ID check revealed the man was a convicted felon from Bakersfield who wasn’t supposed to have any firearms. A search of the car allegedly found live ammunition for a pistol and a rifle; “large capacity” rifle magazines and ammunition, a large amount of suspected fentanyl and items indicating sales of drugs, according to a news release. They also allegedly found suspected burglary tools in the car. He was booked on all these charges plus alleged possession of a switchblade knife, as the fellow apparently thought he was in a war zone.
• June 25: At 8:53 p.m. at an undisclosed location, police contacted yet another hero with a bench warrant. The Mamaluke was issued another disappearance ticket and released.
• June 25: Police responded to Morro Dunes RV Park on Embarcadero to pick up something some apparent vacationer left behind.
• June 24: Police responded at 3 p.m. to a reported petty theft at Lila Keiser Park. No word on whose booty got pinched.
• June 24: At 8:24 a.m. police responded to an apparently secret location for a felony burglary report.
• June 23: At 8:21 p.m. police responded to a real-life disturbance report. Some Bohemian scaramouche was doing the fandango but was hit by a very, very frightening thunderbolt and lightning, and got arrested. Charges included trying to destroy evidence, possession of paraphernalia, possession of illegal drugs with more than two prior convictions, and being fitshaced in public, but nothing really matters, nothing really matters to he.
• June 23: Police responded at 3:19 p.m. to a reported theft form a motor vehicle, as the crime wave continues unabated.
• June 22: The long arm of the law caught up to some no good varmint at 10:33 p.m. somewhere in town. He or she was cited for an out-of-county warrant and was advised to take his shoes for a walk.
• June 22: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 8 a.m. at Coleman Park. The scalawag had a felony warrant and wound up in the hoosegow.
• June 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time of 1:13 a.m. Logs indicated the driver was allegedly jacked up on tarantula juice and arrested.
• June 21: At 10:06 p.m. police contacted another citizen of the year who was cited and released for suspicion of possessing paraphernalia and being stoned on drugs, proving once again that you don’t take a joint from a guy named Don.
• June 21: Someone found something somewhere in town and for some reason turned it over to some police officer.
• June 21: At 2:16 p.m. at an undisclosed location police pulled over a suspicious vehicle. Logs indicated they could only cite the fool for expired registration.
• June 21: Police contacted some lazy bones shilly-shallying around Couch Potato in the 300 block of Quintana Rd. The slacker was cited and released on a bench warrant to catch another day.
• June 21: Someone brought some unknown treasure to the police station and handed it over to police to worry about.
• June 20: A citizen came to the police station at 9:23 a.m. to report the violation of a stay-the-hell-away court order.
• June 20: Some graffidiot left his mark at Del Mar Park.
• June 19: At 9:16 p.m. police responded to an undisclosed location for a reported trespasser. The interloper apparently skeddadled before they arrived.
• June 19: At 1:21 p.m. police responded to a car crash at an unknown location; nor did logs say who was involved or how badly or not-so badly they were injured.
• June 19: Police responded to a disturbance at 12:15 p.m. at the Morro Bay Laundry on Quintana Road. Logs indicated it involved a mentally off person unable to care for himself let alone others, which normally results in a 72-hour timeout at County Mental Health.
• June 19: Police stopped another suspicious vehicle at 12:18 p.m. someplace in town. This driver too hadn’t handed over to the DMV its annual pound of flesh.
• June 19: Police were at the North Pit parking lot at 2:14 a.m. when they encountered a suspicious subject, who naturally had a bench warrant.
• June 18: At 10:38 a.m. police responded to yet another car crash but again didn’t indicate a location nor the severity of the carnage.
• June 18: Police stopped another suspicious vehicle at 7:57 a.m. somewhere in town. Logs indicated the car had fake tags and the nincompoop was cited.
• June 18: Police responded at 7:55 a.m. to Del Mar Park for yet another vandalism or graffiti case, which seems to be a Quotidian occurrence there.
• June 17: Police stopped another suspicious vehicle at 9:42 p.m. at yet another undisclosed location. Logs indicated the driver was nicked for suspicion of driving buttered.
• June 17: Police contacted a pair of urban campers at 11:40 a.m. at Coleman Park and cited one for a felony warrant and both of them for violation of the anti-sleeping where they can’t collect a tax ordinance, a case of dudes, you need to find a better hiding place.
• June 17: At 3:29 a.m. police contacted another night owl someplace in town who had a bench warrant, and was found to allegedly possess drug paraphernalia, a case of there being more to the elephant than the tusks.
• June 16: Police responded somewhere at 10:54 a.m. for a felony vandalism report. They logged another felony vandalism an hour later, though it’s unknown if it was the same spot or if the same humanicus dooficus was responsible.
• June 16: At 9:09 a.m. police contacted another lipspittle fellow who was trespassing. He too of course was in possession of suspected drug paraphernalia, his stash apparently already gone up in smoke.