• Aug. 11: Police spied a swizzle stick swirling down the 1000 block of Main at 11:13 p.m. The 29-year-old sinister nut was cracked for suspicion of possessing drugs and being stupid in public.
• Aug. 11: Police responded to a disturbance and contacted a suspicious subject at 8:30 p.m. in the 800 block of Market. Logs indicated an 85-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of being drunk in public.
• Aug. 11: The scofflaw task force tracked down an offensive vehicle in the 3000 block of Errol and towed it off to the impound for no registration. (Hint: if you’re not going to pay registration, don’t park on the street.)
• Aug. 10: Police contacted a suspicious man at 11:30 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. The apparent Scruffy Philistine, 62, was arrested for suspicion of getting spanked in public.
• Aug. 10: Police in the 1700 block of Embarcadero posted notice on a fellow’s encampment to pack up and bug out.
• Aug. 10: Police responded at 3 a.m. to a domestic dustup in the 800 block of Marina. Logs indicated a 33-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of spousal battery and assault.
• Aug. 9: Police responded at 11:41 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1300 block of Embarcadero. According to logs the incident involved “battery with a gel blaster,” no word on whether a mousse was also involved. (Kidding aside, a gel blaster is a toy air gun similar to a paintball gun that shoots small gel balls and no doubt hurts like Hell.)
• Aug. 9: Police contacted a citizen in the 600 block of Quintana Rd. regarding violation of a domestic violence stay-the-hell-away court order.
• Aug. 9: At 1:23 p.m. police contacted a wanted man at Main and Atascadero Road. Logs indicated the 33-year-old regular customer was wanted for a probation violation. A charge of resisting arrest was tacked onto to his field of dreams, as he apparently didn’t come along quietly.
• Aug. 8: Police stopped another sore thumb driving at 11:08 p.m. at Main and Beach. Logs indicated the 21-year-old rookie driver was nicked for allegedly driving honked and she was cited and released, presumably on foot.
• Aug. 8: Police responded to the 400 block of Quintana at 3:18 p.m. after someone found a suspicious substance inside Family Dollar Store. Logs indicated it was a plastic baggie with a “white, crystallized substance” inside. Police confiscated the contraband for destruction, no word on whether it was marked at $1 or $1.25.
• Aug. 8: Some extremely Good Samaritan turned in a bag they’d found containing a Wells Fargo Bank card and an undisclosed stash of cash.
• Aug. 7: Someone turned in a driver’s license and insurance card they found at some undisclosed location. Someone else turned in credit cards they found down by the beach on Atascadero Road.
• Aug. 7: A citizen in the 400 block of Little Morro Creek Rd., called at 7 a.m. to report an abandoned motorcycle.
• Aug. 8: Police responded to a disturbance at 7 p.m. at Morro Rock. Logs indicated a woman was having an apparent meltdown and got put on ice at County Mental Health. Logs listed potential charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and destroying a cell phone, not her own.
• Aug. 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:13 p.m. for some no doubt trumped up code violation. Logs indicated the driver, 39, was cited for a suspended license, a hanging offense in some parts.
• Aug. 5: Police responded at 7:42 p.m. to the North T-pier where the Coast Guard brought in the body of a missing Tulare woman they reportedly found floating offshore not too far from the harbor mouth. The recovery ended a missing person search for the woman who was last seen about a week before in Tulare. Her BMW had been found parked by the Morro Strand State Park Campground. Officials have not indicated whether foul play is suspected in her demise.
• Aug. 5: Police responded at 11:19 a.m. to a car crash in the 2400 block of Main. Logs indicated one of the drivers, a 42-year-old fellow, had a suspended license, which led to officers determining that he was allegedly stoned on drugs while driving, which led to his being booked into County Jail, as the Dominoes of woe continue to fall.
• Aug. 4: Police responded at 11:13 p.m. to somewhere on State Park Road for someone having a breakdown. According to logs they placed a 72-hour mental health hold on someone “for gravely disabled.”
• Aug. 4: Police responded at 10:30 p.m. to a report of someone sneaking around the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Police contacted a sneaky fellow, 38 and cited him for suspicion of trespassing on private property and possession of illegal drugs, a sneaky, very sneaky case indeed.
• Aug. 3: Police responded to a disturbance in the 1200 block of Embarcadero at 11:17 p.m. Logs indicated some 34-year-old Popeye got nicked for suspicion of recklessly operating a vessel while pie-eyed.
• Aug. 3: A citizen in the 1200 block of Embarcadero said his or her iPhone was stolen. The loss was $1,500. Police started a crime report, though charging $1,500 for a phone seems like a crime in itself.
• Aug. 3: Police responded to a disturbance at 8:55 p.m. in the 3300 block of Panorama Dr. Logs indicated a 42-year-old apparent battleaxe was arrested for suspicion of domestic battery and simple assault, though there’s arguably nothing simple about spousal abuse.
• Aug. 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:44 p.m. in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the 39-year-old hombre was busted for suspicion of driving on a snoot full of the demon rum.
• Aug. 3: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 1:26 p.m. at Piney Way and Morro Bay Blvd. Not sure what he or she did, but they were taken away for a 72-hour timeout at County Mental Health.
• Aug. 2: Police towed away an offensive vehicle from the 1100 block of Monterey as it’d been over 6 months since the DMV beast had been fed.
• Aug. 2: Police contacted another apparently off-kilter fellow at 10:19 a.m. in the 2600 block of Main. He too got a 3-day all-expense-paid staycation at CMH.
• Aug. 2: Someone turned in something they found someplace in the 300 block of Quintana Place.
• Aug. 1: Police espied a familiar foe at 10:19 p.m. lurking in the area of Harbor and Morro. Logs indicated a 59-year-old scofflaw had two bench warrants and was cited and unleashed again.
• Aug. 1: SLOPD gave a heads-up regarding credit card fraud being committed in the 800 block of Higuera.
• Aug. 1: Two reports came in of people finding strange stuff on Black Hill and in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd.
• Aug. 1: Police are investigating a report of suspected child abuse in the 300 block of Bernardo.
• Aug. 1: Yet another vehicle was towed from Surf Street after the owner failed to pay the DMV its pound of flesh.
• July 31: Police responded to the 400 block of MBB where someone reported a case of simple assault committed by some assailing simpleton.
• July 29: Someone in the 900 block of Mesa said she was being stalked by some apparent harrastard.
• July 29: Police responded at 10:21 a.m. to a car crash in the 300 block of MBB. Sorry, no gory details to report.
• July 29: Some scoundrel stole a car license plate in the 500 block of Quintana sentencing the poor schmoe to deal with the DMV, a fate not quite worse than death, though it might feel close to it.
• July 29: Police responded to a disturbance at 8:18 a.m. in the 500 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 48-year-old apparently ululating fellow was nicked for suspicion of being stultified in public, proving once again that the nail that sticks out gets hammered.