• Sept. 13: police responded at 2:53 p.m. to the 1400 block of Embarcadero for a disturbance. Logs indicated some bent fellow was hauled to the can for suspicion of being trashed and tangling with police.
• Sept. 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:37 p.m. no doubt a sitting duck at that hour. Logs indicated the driver was hooked up for being polluted.
• Sept. 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:14 p.m. at Main and Errol. Logs indicated the driver was busted for allegedly driving blasted.
• Sept. 12: Police responded at 9 p.m. where some weapons grade moron had committed felony vandalism.
• Sept. 12: Police espied a suspicious subject traipsing along the 200 block of Dunes and arrested the apparent swizzle stick for being stirred in public.
• Sept. 12: Police tried to stop a suspicious vehicle at 1:09 a.m. after it failed to stop at a stop sign. The driver reportedly failed to yield and tried to escape but failed. Officers caught up to the chap in the 400 block of Little Morro Creek Rd. Logs indicated the driver got into a serious pickle and was nicked for suspicion of driving pickled, false registration, running the stop sign, possession of drug paraphernalia and apparently just plain ticking them off.
• Sept. 11: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 5:11 p.m. in the 1200 block of Front at Stax Wine Bar. Logs indicated the apparent Squit had a bench warrant and was cited and released to catch again in about 30 days.
• Sept. 11: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2 p.m. on Coleman Drive. Logs indicated the driver was cited for suspicion of driving with beer goggles.
• Sept. 11: Police responded at 1:24 p.m. to the 100 block of Terra St., where someone had passed away.
• Sept. 10: Police responded to a disturbance at 6:36 a.m. in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd., at the Morro Gardens Apartments. Logs indicated someone had battered somebody in a case of simple assault, though the fallout is bound to be complex and made more so by resisting arrest.
• Sept. 9: A mandatory reporter reported getting a report of suspected child abuse reportedly in the 600 block of Estero.
• Sept. 9: Police responded at 10:49 a.m. to a car crash at the notoriously hazardous South Bay and Quintana.
• Sept. 9: At 10:20 a.m. police contacted an urban camper at Lila Keiser Park and cited the apparent Swagman for violation of the City’s sleeping where they can’t collect a bed tax ordinance.
• Sept. 9: Police responded at 7:43 a.m. to the 300 block of Arbutus where another citizen went to bed and passed away in
the night
• Sept. 8: Police responded at 4:18 p.m. to the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for another hairy car crack up. No word on the extent of injuries.
• Sept. 8: Police responded at 9:42 a.m. to the 400 block of Quintana for a report of someone using the ol’ 5-finger discount at the discount store Family Dollar.
• Sept. 7: At 3:36 p.m. police contacted a suspicious subject in the 1600 block of Main. The apparent bail skipper had failed to appear in court and had a bench warrant.
• Sept. 6: Someone came to the police station in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., at 9:37 p.m. to report that some illuminasty perv had committed lewd acts with a child under-14, which ought to be a hanging offense.
• Sept. 6: At 12:45 a.m. police stopped a suspicious vehicle at an undisclosed location after it blew through a stop sign. Logs indicated the outlaw was nicked for suspicion of driving thick as a tick, without a valid license to boot, and also had an outstanding though likely unremarkable bench warrant.
• Sept. 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:36 p.m. somewhere presumably in town. Logs indicated the tipsy driver was cited for alleged drunk driving and landed somewhere between a bad dream and a natural disaster.
• Sept. 4: Police responded at 3:57 p.m. to a car crash. Logs didn’t say where this happened nor mention the extent of the injuries or the damages.
• Sept. 4: At 12:02 p.m. officers responded to a report of someone being scammed by some scammer for more than $400, making the scheme a felony.
• Sept. 4: Police responded at 10:49 a.m. to another car crash at an undisclosed location, and th-th-that’s all folks!
• Sept. 3: Police responded at 10:32 p.m. to a report of a suspicious subject outside Walgreens on Quintana Road. Logs indicated the apparently overly medicated tool was busted for suspicion of being stoned in public and possessing drug paraphernalia, his or her stash no doubt already shot.
• Sept. 3: At 4:43 p.m. police responded to Atascadero Rd., for a report of some excremental Scamboogah stalking somebody at the old sewer treatment plant.
• Sept. 3: At 2:30 p.m. police contacted a suspicious subject somewhere in town who had a bench warrant. Logs indicated the ornery bonehead was arrested for resisting arrest.
• Sept. 3: Police responded at 10:41 a.m. to a disturbance at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated some mulish reprobationer was trespassing on private property. He or she was arrested for felony probation and not having sense enough to split before the cops arrived.
• Sept. 3: At 7:15 a.m. someone reported a missing person to police, who no doubt formed a task force to search high and low.
• Sept. 2: Police responded at 8:47 p.m. to a disturbance. Logs indicated some bent fellow was going woolly-booger and causing a hoo-ha-ha at Albertson’s market on Quintana.
• Sept. 2: Police responded at 2:28 p.m. to an undisclosed location where a citizen said his or her car had been no doubt borrowed without permission, aka felony auto theft.
• Sept. 1: At 6:41 p.m. police responded to the 400 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for a reported burglary and trespassing at the Tiger Monkey Tattoo Shop.
• Sept. 1: At 7:29 a.m. police took a report of suspected child abuse from a mandatory reporting party.
• Sept. 1: At 7:54 a.m. police contacted another scofflaw with a bench warrant. He or she was apparently issued another disappearance ticket and released to catch another day.
• Aug. 31: Police responded at 2 p.m. to an undisclosed location where they took a report of a felony hit and run “resulting in death or injury.”
• Aug. 31: Police responded at 11:48 a.m. to City Park on Harbor after someone reported being subjected to “offensive words in a public place,” no word on whether they brought a bar of soap to the scene.
• Aug. 31: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 8:07 a.m. who had a felony arrest warrant. He or she presumably went to the hoosegow, but these days one can never assume anything.