• June 21: At 8:33 a.m. police arrested a vehicle in the 1700 block of Embarcadero and had it hauled to the impound lot for violation of the parking-in-one-place-too-long law.
• June 20: Police responded at 7:06 p.m. to a vehicle crash in the 100 block of Java. No word on injuries, but the cars will never be the same.
• June 20: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 8:56 a.m. in the 800 block of Piney Way who had a bench warrant. He or she was issued another citation with a new court date that will probably be ignored too.
• June 19: At 10:47 p.m. in the 600 block of Monterey, police arrested some reprobationer who’d broken felony probation and stuffed him back where he apparently belongs.
• June 19: Police picked up two scofflaws with bench warrants at 2:57 p.m. and 4:45 p.m. in the 300 block of Surf and the 700 block of Harbor respectively.
• June 19: At 10:34 a.m. someone found something somewhere in the 1300 block of Main and turned it over to some police officer to do something with.
• June 19: At 8:16 a.m. police contacted yet another meat sack at Atascadero Road and Main who had a bench warrant.
• June 18: Police responded at 7:36 p.m. to Morro Bay High School on Atascadero Road for a battery charge.
• June 18: Police contacted another person in the 1300 block of Main who had a felony and a misdemeanor warrant and was also allegedly found in possession of drugs with at least two prior arrests for drugs. The groom of the stool was tossed into the hoosegow.
• June 18: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:37 a.m. at Main and Errol. Logs indicated the car’s registration was expired and the driver was also nicked for suspicion of possessing drugs and operating a motor vehicle.
• June 17: Police responded at 10:45 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana Rd., after someone reported shoplifting at Albertson’s Market. No word on what was stolen, but they do have a lot of hooch stacked up by the doors.
• June 17: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:53 p.m. at Beach and Main. Logs indicated the driver was allegedly drunk as a skunk.
• June 17: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:52 a.m. in the 1600 block of Main, aka the bottleneck. Logs indicated the driver had a suspended license that was taken away because of a prior DUI, and no doubt is thankful he or she was apparently sober at the time.
• June 16: An unknown citizen gave and undisclosed thing they’d found at an unknown location to some unnamed officer.
• June 16: Police responded at 1:41 p.m. to the 300 block of Main where some apparent interloper was caught trespassing in a home. Logs indicated the squatter was also allegedly in possession of a switchblade knife.
• June 16: At 10:49 a.m. police stopped a suspicious vehicle at Sunset and Atascadero Road who apparently was driving while texting on a cell phone. Logs indicated the driver also had his or her license suspended because of a DUI conviction, and probably should take driver’s ed. all over again.
• June 15: Police responded at 7:51 p.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the call involved felony spousal battery and infliction of corporal injury. Let’s hope the louse went to the big house.
• June 15: At 4:24 p.m. police responded to the 300 block of Anchor where someone had ascended to Heaven.
• June 15: Police responded at 1:12 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2600 block of Greenwood for a report of someone having a bit of a meltdown. Logs indicated they took them for a 72-hour timeout.
• June 14: At 2 p.m. police collected someone with an invite to tea from a judge in the 300 block of Surf.
• June 14: Police responded at 7:23 a.m. to the 1600 block of Embarcadero where someone had passed on to paradise.
• June 13: Police responded at 7:35 p.m. to the 700 block of Embarcadero in response to some kind of suspicious subject report. Logs indicated some fellow was nicked for suspicion of trespassing and subsequently for possession of illegal drugs and paraphernalia. He or she was injected into jail.
• June 13: Someone turned in to police at the police station some things that they’d found and thought police should have.
• June 13: Police responded at 8:54 p.m. to the 400 block of Quintana Rd., to check out a suspicious subject that was apparently loitering at the Dollar Tree Store. Naturally, the dude had a bench warrant and was issued another ticket they’ll probably ignore.
• June 13: At 8:28 p.m. police were sent to the 400 block of Quintana Rd., to deal with yet another suspicious subject at Central Coast Glass. The apparent Snallygaster was cited for suspicion of possessing suspected illegal drugs and paraphernalia.
• June 12: Police contacted some swagman at 3:56 p.m. in the 1300 block of Main and cited the apparent slacker for illegally camping in public.
• June 12: Police responded at 1:56 p.m. to a reported petty theft committed by some petty thief in the 400 block of Main.
• June 12: At 8 a.m. police cited an innocent vehicle for having expired tags at Pacific and Bay.
• June 11: At 9:55 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana, police discovered another sinister Schmoe with a bench warrant and issued another disappearance ticket.
• June 11: At 9:41 p.m. police happened upon another urban camper in the 600 block of Quintana and issued the weekly special — a citation for illegal camping.
• June 10: At 9 p.m. someone in the 200 block of Beach reported finding some undisclosed treasure and handed it over to police for safe keeping.
• June 10: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:50 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., but all they could get the driver on was a suspended license.
• June 9: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 8 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana apparently outside O’Reilly Auto Parts. Logs indicated the model citizen was cited for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and paraphernalia, and in about 30 days they will probably add failure to appear.
• June 9: A citizen at the Silver City MHP in the 1600 block of Main reported that a credit card was opened in his or her name and their identity was stole, and now we have no idea who they are.
• June 9: Police responded at 3:17 a.m. to a disturbance at Coleman Drive and the Embarcadero. Logs indicated they arrested some louse for suspicion of being soused.
• June 9: Police responded at 8:06 p.m. to the 400 block of Rennel where some felonious bounder committed vandalism and then resisted arrest.
• June 8: At 8:03 p.m. in the 1400 block of Teresa Dr., police contacted a suspicious wanker who turned out to allegedly be holding his sack of illegal drugs and paraphernalia.
• June 8: Police responded at 5:39 p.m. to a reported traffic collision at South Bay Boulevard and Morro Creek Road, wherever that is. No word on the extent of the carnage.
• June 8: Police responded at 9 a.m. to a reported grand theft in the 900 block of Anchor. No word on what valuable booty got pinched.