• Jan. 5: At 8:13 p.m. police were at an undisclosed business in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd., to conduct an Orwellian, “business compliance check,” with no doubt severe consequences for failure. Earlier, in the 2300 block of Main, they did a compliance check at Canna Massage Spa.
• Jan. 5: At 2 p.m. police responded to the 400 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for a smash-n-dash crash.
• Jan. 4: Police contacted a 17-year-old boy in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., at 9:47 p.m. Logs indicated the hooligan was allegedly in possession of “composite knuckles” leaving one to long for the good ‘ol days when brass knuckles were enough.
• Jan. 4: Police got a call from an out-of-state visitor who said he lost his car license plate somewhere down by Morro Rock. On the other hand, someone in Cayucos found a wallet on N. Ocean Avenue and turned it over to Morro Bay police to unlock the mystery.
• Jan. 4: Police responded to the 2400 block of Greenwood where a citizen reported an email scam, and they were apparently rude to her, too.
• Jan. 4: Police responded to the 600 block of Embarcadero and arrested a 22-year-old hombre for suspicion of commercial burglary.
• Jan. 3: At 3 p.m. police contacted a 45-year-old fellow in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., who had a bench warrant. He was hauled to the dungeon in irons.
• Jan. 3: Police responded to the 2600 block of Maion and took a report of a crash-n-sashay accident in Spencer’s Market’s parking lot. There was apparently damage to the vehicle but it happened the day before, so no one was caught. So, if your neighbor has a new, unexplained dent on his or her car, ya gotta say hmmm…
• Jan. 2: Police responded at 3:30 p.m. to the area of Monterey and Harbor where two cars tried to occupy the same space at the same time with car-denting results.
• Jan. 2: Police stopped a suspicious driver at 10:32 a.m. in the area of Quintana and Main. Logs indicated the 31-year-old driver had a suspended license and was cited and released. His vehicle was turned over to a co-worker who has a valid driver’s license.
• Jan. 1: Police took a missing person report in the 500 block of Piney Way, no word on whether they found them.
• Jan. 1: Police responded at 2 p.m. to another crash in the 300 block of Quintana.
• Dec. 30: Police responded at 10:52 a.m. to a domestic disturbance at 11:13 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 44-year-old woman was “deemed to be the aggressor.” The battleaxe was fitted with steel bracelets and taken to visit Uncle Ian.
• Dec. 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:56 a.m. ibn the area of Atascadero Road and Hwy 1. Logs indicated the driver, 53, had a suspended license and was cited and released, however, his car was arrested and towed away, which hardly seems fair.
• Dec. 29: Police espied a nefarious character at 12:42 p.m. in the 1100 block of Main. Logs indicated the 28-year-old sticky fingered fellow was arrested for suspicion of burglary.
• Dec. 29: At 1:09 p.m. police rolled to Coleman Drive and Embarcadero for a minor fender-bender crash. No gruesome details were available.
• Dec. 28: Police responded at 1:15 p.m. to a domestic kerfuffle in the 400 block of Napa.
• Dec. 28: Police responded to a fight at 2:30 p.m. in the 2400 block of Main. police contacted the victim who said that it started as a disagreement but led to a “battery with a vehicle” allegation, as logs no doubt left out a bunch of stuff in between.
• Dec. 28: At 11:20 p.m. police in the area of Harbor and Main found a jacket lying in the street. Logs indicated the owner was identified and there was a $20 Jackson in the pocket. Police booked them for safe keeping.
• Dec. 28: It was no doubt the geriatric battle of the century, when police were called at 1:30 p.m. to the 400 block of Mindoro. Logs indicated a 76- and a 68-year old man were “engaged in a mutual combat,” and the fight was declared a draw.
• Dec. 28: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7:52 a.m. at Nassau and Nevis. Logs indicated a 62-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of driving schnockered, after apparently enjoying a breakfast of champions.
• Dec. 28: Police, at 7:40 a.m., called off a search for an at-risk missing person, as Houdini had apparently been found safe, and presumably sound.
• Dec. 27: Police responded to the 500 block of Napa where some scoundrel stole an electric bike.
• Dec. 27: At 11:24 a.m. police caught up to some lady scofflaws with bench warrants and in violation of parole, in the 300 block of Surf. The pair of tools caught a wave to Kansas Avenue and hung ten in the hoosegow.
• Dec. 27: Police responded at 7:45 a.m. to the 300 block of Quintana for a disturbance. Log indicated a 28-year-old chap was nicked for suspicion of being stoned on drugs.
• Dec. 26: Police responded at 8:44 p.m. to the 2200 block of Fir, where a citizen had passed away.
• Dec. 26: At 4:27 p.m. in the 500 block of Embarcadero, police contacted a suspicious fellow and cited the master criminal for allegedly being poo-pooed in public and having an open container, as apparently the party spilled outdoors.
• Dec. 26: Police responded to the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for the apparent crime of transferring money to the wrong person, a case of that kind of stupid takes a plan.
• Dec. 26: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:24 a.m. at Main and Trinidad. Logs indicated an 18-year-old dude was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence of an intoxicating substance, yet another case of “You don’t take a joint from a guy named Don.”
• Dec. 25: Police responded to a home in the 200 block of Surf for a report of a trespasser in the residence. No word on if the sneak was wearing a furry, bright red suit, black boots and sporting a wino’s long beard and Nick-Nolte-mug shot-like hair.
• Dec. 24: And just in time for Christmas… police towed away cars parked at Main and Pacific and the 800 block of Monterey. Both vehicles’ drivers had failed to pay the DMV’s annual blood ransom.
• Dec. 23: Police responded at 8:05 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana. According to logs, a 58-year-old fellow had used the help-yourself line to steal food and hooch. He’d made like a tree before police arrived to chop down his criminal activity.
• Dec. 23: Police responded to a disturbance at 6:51 p.m. at Coleman and Embarcadero, as the dune natives were apparently restless. Police took a battery report.