• March 15: Police responded at 12:13 p.m. to Albertson’s Market on Quintana for a reported aggravated assault. Logs indicated the case was deemed a misdemeanor, and apparently no-blood no foul?
• March 15: At 8:50 a.m. police responded to Albertson’s Market after a sticky-fingered shopper had tried to use the help-yourself aisle. Logs indicated the alleged pilferer also had a bench warrant.
• March 14: At 1:55 p.m. police responded to a reported car crash, but logs didn’t indicate where or how bad the carnage was.
• March 13: Police responded to a disturbance at 3:30 p.m. at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated the matter concerned some louse abusing his spouse.
• March 13: Police responded at 9:27 a.m. to a reported theft of personal property. No word on what or whose booty got pinched.
• March 12: Police responded at 8:25 p.m. to a watering hole in the 800 block of Quintana, where they contacted a regular customer at The Buoy Bar who missed an appointment with Judge Judy.
• March 12: Police were notified of a suspected case of felony elder financial abuse, with the loss topping $900.
• March 12: Police responded to Coast Electronics in the 500 block of Quintana where some zhlub had shoplifted. I guess they don’t know about cameras at an elctronic store.
• March 11: Police responded at 10:21 p.m. to an undisclosed location to break up a domestic disturbance. Logs indicated misdemeanor spousal battery and child abuse charges, and one felony child abuse, plus felony vandalism charges resulted. Let’s hope the tornado riding the back of a hurricane went to the hoosegow.
• March 11: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1:43 p.m. and cited the driver for letting the registration elapse, no doubt a case of cranial-inversion disease.
• March 11: Police responded at 6 a.m. to City Park on Harbor Street where someone reported a grand theft, and the Bobbies will no doubt have a jolly good time pursuing the master criminal.
• March 10: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:24 p.m. at the Sinclair Gas Station in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the driver got nicked on a trove of illegal activity. Logs indicated charges included: suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia; possessing controlled substances; possession with more than two priors; possession of narcotics; being a drug addict driving a car; and a felony warrant, a classic example that you can’t shovel water with a pitchfork.
• March 10: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 7:54 p.m. at an undisclosed location. Logs indicated the naughty boy was popped for suspicion of possession of drug paraphernalia and drugs, having two or more prior arrests for the same nincompoopery, and violating probation.
• March 10: Police responded at 4:25 p.m. to an ugly disturbance at Foxy’s Thrift Shop in the 600 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated some feculent potty mouth had used offensive words in public, quick, somebody grab the soap on a rope.
• March 9: At 8:48 p.m. police contacted a familiar foe that had a bench warrant. Logs indicated one thing leading to another, and the squit was also charged with suspicion of possession of illegal drugs and paraphernalia, all misdemeanors.
• March 9: Police responded at 4:16 p.m. to Tidelands Park where they cited an innocent vehicle because the owner let the registration expire.
• March 9: Police responded at 10 a.m. to the 500 block of Quintana for a reported burglary at the Estero Glass shop.
• March 8: Police caught up to a suspicious subject at 3:13 p.m. an undisclosed location. The fiend had a felonious bench warrant and got benched in the County penalty box.
• March 8: A citizen called police at 4:18 a.m. to complain about some harasstard who’d been bothering them with harassing quotidian calls.
• March 7: Police responded at 6:35 p.m. to Taco Temple in the 2600 block of North Main, where some drunken fool was causing a ruckus. Logs didn’t say if the Scaramouch got arrested, but that’s the way to bet.
• March 6: Police and firefighters responded at 12:19 p.m. to Morro Rock after a report of a surfer being discovered unresponsive in the water. The fire chief said other surfers noticed him in the water and tried to bring him to shore but couldn’t, so the Harbor Patrol got a rescue sled (jet ski) and picked him up in the water. Rescuers were unable to save him.
• March 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at noon to a reported disturbance at McDonalds on Quintana Road. Logs indicated two men got arrested on a long menu of charges — suspicion of criminal conspiracy; possession of illegal drugs with more than two priors; possessing a concealed dirk or dagger; transporting narcotics; possession with intent to sell; a bench warrant; drug possession; being a drug addict driving a car; possession of paraphernalia (two counts); possession of drugs; and failure to wear a seatbelt, the ultimate undoing of a humanicus dooficus.
• March 5: Police contacted a suspicious subject in the 1700 block of Main and rang up the meat puppet for alleged possession of drugs and paraphernalia at Taco Bell.
• March 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:23 a.m. at an undisclosed location in town because no one had offered up the State’s pound of flesh in over sixth months. They were cited and relegated to purgatory at the DMV.
• March 3: At 7 p.m. police responded to Albertson’s Market on Quintana for a reported shoplifter. Logs indicated the alleged thief tried to drive away and was pulled over, and then cited for suspicion of drunk driving, because sometimes there’s more to the elephant than the tusks.
• March 3: At 8:44 a.m. police rousted some apparently de-housed individual at an undisclosed location and cited the urban camper under the City’s anti-sleeping-where-they-can’t-collect-a-tax law.
• March 2: Police responded at 10:44 p.m. to an undisclosed location after felony vandalism was reported. No word on what treasured items were damaged or whether the scoundrel escaped.
• March 2: Someone called police at 8:27 a.m. to report a missing person. Information on who was lost or where from they were missed was missing from logs.