• March 30: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11 a.m. in the 1300 block of Bolton. Logs said he was on probation, but in violation, so he got isolation and a dose of arrestitution.
• March 29: At 9 p.m. police contacted a suspicious subject motoring along at Beach and Market. Logs indicated officers snagged the hood on suspicion of having drugs and paraphernalia in his possession, though no doubt far from his heart.
• March 29: Police responded to the Shell Station on Morro Bay Boulevard at 7:47 p.m. for a disturbance in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs said the kerfuffle was apparently pretty ugly, as the case lists assault with a deadly weapon (not a firearm); an out-of-county warrant and of course possession of drugs, a case of there’s more to the elephant than the tusks.
• March 29: Police contacted yet another reprobationer at 2:30 p.m. outside Albertsons market on Quintana. Ol’ Schnockered Snookie also had a warrant and slept it off in the pokey.
• March 28: Police responded at 11:35 a.m. to City Park for a disturbing occurrence. Police turned the craziness over to County Mental Health.
• March 28: A car crash was reported at 7 a.m. at Kern and Morro Bay Boulevard, no doubt a near daily occurrence. No gory details to report.
• March 27: Police contacted a Golden Rule breaker at 11:16 p.m. traipsing up Beach at Main. Logs indicated the inebriated gent got checked into the iron bar hotel to sleep it off.
• March 27: Police responded at 9:19 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1100 block of Front St., at the Salty Sister Motel. Logs didn’t indicate if the spanked, salty sister was jailed, but that’s the way to bet.
• March 27: Police responded at 4:47 p.m. to the 400 block of Rennel for a missing person report.
• March 26: At 10:37 p.m. police contacted a suspicious subject at the Community Center on Kennedy Way. Logs indicated the sneaky sneak was ticketed for an unresolved ticket, so not so sneaky after all, as we suspected.
• March 26: Police responded to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. after some vandalass apparently vandalized the old Teen Center, which is what happens to abandoned buildings.
• March 26: Police documented the work of more Graffidiots at Lila Keiser Park.
• March 25: Police were called at 10:41 p.m. to City Park on harbor Street, where they chanced upon another Duke of Haphazard raising a ruckus. The humanicus dooficus also had a warrant and was tossed into the dungeon.
• March 25: Police responded at 8 a.m. to the 300 block of Trinidad where someone had departed Paradise for Heaven.
• March 24: At 9 p.m. someone in the 600 block of Shasta reported a disturbance. Logs indicated it was a few clowns short of a circus but may have hauled a Joker away.
• March 24: Offices responded to the 1300 block of Bolton where another soul had passed away.
• March 23: Police responded to Albertson’s Market on Quintana Road at 6:21 p.m. Logs indicated they’d nabbed a habitual help-yourself shopper and he or she was nicked for suspicion of trespassing and felony shoplifting because of prior sticky-fingered antics.
• March 23: At 10:27 p.m. police stopped a suspicious subject at Hwy 1 and Yerba Buena. Logs indicated the schmoe was cited for alleged possession of suspected drug paraphernalia, their stash apparently already shot.
• March 23: Police stopped another suspicious person at 6:53 p.m. in the 1700 block of Main. Logs indicated the model citizen was cited for alleged possession of paraphernalia, a warrant and giving police a phony-baloney ID.
• March 23: Police stopped some poor schmuck at 5:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. He had a warrant and was issued another 1-way ticket to Palooka-ville.
• March 23: Someone left something of value at the Blue Sail Inn on Market Avenue and police sailed in to retrieve the plunder.
• March 23: There was a fender-bender crash at 1:07 p.m. in the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd.
• March 21: Police caught up to an alleged trespasser who was refusing to amscray. The naughty nincompoop was cited for trespassing and vandalism.
• March 21: At 8:26 p.m. police responded to Albertson’s Market for yet another free coupon shopper who had prior arrests for shoplifting. The felonious filcher was jailed.
• March 21: Police espied a suspicious subject in City Park at 8:26 p.m. Logs indicated the person was cited for “violations,” a hanging offense in some parts.
• March 21: Police responded to a disturbance report at 8:26 p.m. at Albertson’s Market. Logs indicated they cited someone for suspicion of trespassing and drunk and disorderly conduct, which explains a lot.
• March 21: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 8:26 p.m. at City Park. Logs indicated they arrested the chump for suspicion of possessing drugs and paraphernalia, in this week’s example of why it’s called dope.
• March 21: Police responded at 11:24 a.m. to the 300 block of Panay for an illegally parked vehicle, and a task force was no doubt formed immediately.
• March 21: Some petty thief committed petty theft in the 600 block of Harbor.
• March 21: Police responded at 8:22 a.m. to a car crash at Hwy 1 and Morro Bay Boulevard. No gruesome details were released.
• March 21: Police responded at 7:46 a.m. to the 400 block of Kings where someone reported being assaulted. No word on who zoomed who.
• March 20: Police responded at 7 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1100 block of Napa. Logs indicated officers arrested someone for suspicion of spousal or cohabitant abuse, a probation violation, and indecent exposure with priors, a possible case of that’s no way to win her back, buddy.
• March 20: At 4:32 p.m. police contacted some apparent urban camper in the weeds on Hwy 1 at Morro Bay Boulevard. Logs indicated they cited the apparent insurrectionist for suspicion of trespassing and drug paraphernalia.
• March 20: Police responded at 8:44 a.m. to a crash at Hwy 1 and Main Street, which is the most oft site for a minor crash.
• March 19: Police cited one wanted fellow at 10:33 p.m. at Albertsons and cited another master criminal at 11:30 p.m. outside Central Coast Glass for a warrant.
• March 19: Police at 9:18 p.m. contacted a suspicious subject outside the Catch a Wave Salon in the 500 block of Quintana. Logs indicated they cited the scalawag for suspicion of possessing drugs, paraphernalia and “all other offenses,” apparently fill in the blank later.
• March 19: County Mental Health was called out at 3 p.m. to the 300 block of Surf. No word on what became of the apparently tortured soul.
• March 19: Police responded to a car crash at 2 p.m. at South Bay and Turri Road. They responded to another hairy crack-up at 10:18 a.m. in the 200 block of Terra St.
• March 18: A citizen in the 2700 block of Koa had his or her identity stolen and we have no idea who they are now.
• March 17: Police responded to a disturbance at 8:06 p.m. at Legend’s Tavern in the 800 block of Main. Someone mulish miscreant violated a stay-away court order.