• July 14: A citizen reported his or her car was stolen while parked at Atascadero Road and Park Street.
• July 14: Police responded at 6:49 p.m. to an uncivil dispute in the 1100 block of Monterey. Earlier at 7:11 p.m. they took another stolen vehicle report in the north Pitt parking lot in the 1700 block of Embarcadero.
• July 14: Police responded at 12:56 a.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 1200 block of Pine. Logs indicated a 39-year-old man was arrested for suspicion of false imprisonment and spousal battery and his disagreeable self was tossed into the gaol.
• July 13: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:36 p.m. at Marina and Shasta for an undisclosed code violation. The driver, 28, was arrested for a slew of charges — drunk driving, drunk driving while his license was suspended for DUI; violating DUI probation; and possession of illegal drugs, which were reportedly discovered after he was taken to jail.
• July 13: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:14 p.m. at Main and Atascadero Road. The driver, 53, was arrested for suspicion of driving snookered.
• July 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:23 p.m. at Main and Radcliff. Logs indicated the lady driver, 40, was nicked for allegedly driving thick as a tick.
• July 12: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 4:15 p.m. in the 300 block of Embarcadero. The 67-year-old scofflaw had a bench warrant, was issued another citation to ignore and released.
• July 11: Police responded at 12:33 a.m. to a reported car vs. house crash in the 2400 block of Main. Logs indicated the crash led to the arrest of the driver, 21, for suspicion of felony vandalism, and assault with a deadly weapon, as the accident was apparently no accident.
• July 10: Police contacted a suspicious fellow, 38, at 9:50 a.m. in the 200 block of Surf. The skipper had two bench warrants and skipped off to jail.
• July 9: Police got a report that a runaway juvenile hooligan was in the 500 block of Dawson.
• July 9: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 5 p.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. She had two bench warrants and was issued a third and released to catch again, part of the catch and release job security plan.
• July 8: Police responded to a reported hit-n-split crash somewhere on Embarcadero.
• July 8: Police responded at 3:30 p.m. to a reported car crash in the 900 block of Pacific. Logs indicated a woman ran her car off the road and into some undisclosed property and damaged it, and then fled the scene without leaving any insurance information. Logs indicated the cockroach, 45, “is avoiding law enforcement and is still outstanding.”
• July 8: Police are investigating vandalism at Del Mar Park.
• July 7: Some unknown someone found something somewhere on Beachcomber Drive and turned it over to some police officer, who booked it into the isle of lost junk.
• July 7: Police responded at 7:25 a.m. to a care facility on Teresa Drive after one of the old folks was deemed a danger to themselves or others.
• July 7: Police espied a suspicious yet familiar apparent vagrant at 3 a.m. camping on Atascadero Road at the Hwy 1 overpass and the entrance to the Power Plant bike path. The 39-year-old fellow of course had a bench warrant and was issued another disappearance ticket and released to catch another day. They also issued a notice of a muni code violation for camping outdoors, as the City once again rolls out the un-Welcome mat.
• July 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time of 12:34 a.m. in the 1400 block of Main after the lead foot got caught speeding. The driver, 43, was allegedly half cut behind the wheel and was arrested for suspicion of driving soused. He was cited and released to what must be a sober friend indeed.
• July 5: At 8 p.m. responded to a domestic dustup in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd. A 26-year-old apparent battleaxe was arrested for suspicion of spousal battery, assault and a bench warrant.
• July 4: At 7:30 p.m. police responded to a disturbance at Coleman Drive and Embarcadero, where two men had apparently gone to blows. The boneheads, 21 and 18-years old were arrested for suspicion of simple assault and battery, and aggravated assault with great bodily injury.
• July 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9 p.m. at Main and Beach. The driver, 68, was nicked for suspicion of driving honked and according to logs, “force had to be used to affect the arrest,” a.k.a. an attitude adjustment.
• July 3: Police responded at 8:12 p.m. to a kerfuffle in the 400 block of Quintana. A 40-year-old master criminal got himself arrested for suspicion of being too drunk in public, resisting arrest, possession of drugs and paraphernalia and no doubt being a general pain in the arse.
• July 3: Police took one report of a stolen car license plate in the 1200 block of Morro and they made off with a white Cadillac that had been parked too long in the 700 block of Quintana.
• July 2: At 11:21 p.m. police stopped a 24-year-old fellow after he was spotted walking down the freeway. Logs indicated the criminal mastermind was arrested for suspicion of possession of suspected Fentanyl and a switchblade knife.
• July 2: Police contacted a suspicious fellow, 43, at 9:48 p.m. at Lila Keiser Park. The apparent nillionaire was nicked for alleged possession of methamphetamine and got cranked into a cell.
• July 2: And from the found-lost department… Someone turned in two abandoned bicycles they found on Toro Lane, and someone else turned in a tooth retainer found on Morro Bay Boulevard. On the other hand, a citizen in the 700 block of Quintana said his or her car was stolen.
• July 2: Police contacted another urban mountain man, 43, on the beach at Atascadero Road. This fellow was cited and released after police allegedly found drugs and paraphernalia on his person.
• July 1: Police contacted another apparent squit down at the beach at 11:30 p.m. The 38-year-old chap was cited and released for suspicion of possessing drugs and an open container of hooch, a hanging offense in these parts.
• July 1: At 10:20 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana police discovered a 31-year-old fellow and cited the model citizen for alleged possession of meth and paraphernalia. Earlier, at 9:55 p.m. and a block away on Quintana, police stopped a suspicious vehicle no doubt for some trumped up code violation. The driver, 22, got the unholy trinity — possession of drugs and paraphernalia, no insurance and expired registration, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• July 1: A 61-year-old woman had an eventful afternoon. At 12:38 p.m. she was stopped while walking in the 500 block of Main. Logs indicated she had two bench warrants and was arrested. Not done yet, at 6:17 p.m. in the 1000 block of Main they spotted her again and this time the swizzle stick was nicked for suspicion of getting butt-toasted in public, the first incident no doubt largely responsible for the second.
• July 1: Police responded at 1:14 a.m. to a disturbance in the 1000 block of Main. Logs indicated a 32-year-old louse was arrested allegedly abusing a spouse.