• July 28: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:53 a.m. in the 400 block of San Jacinto. Logs indicated the 61-year-old woman driver was done in for suspicion of driving on a snoot full of demon rum and was taken to the hoosegow to sleep it off.
• July 27: Police responded at 9:10 p.m. to the 1300 block of Bolton for a reported crash-n-dash of which there’s been a recent rash.
• July 27: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:36 p.m. in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the 44-year-old woman driver was nicked for suspicion of driving on a toot plus she had a bench warrant, and was booked into the County B&B.
• July 27: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 2:06 p.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the 50-year-old dude had two bench warrants and was issued a third and released. Earlier at 4:45 a.m. in the 800 block of Market they came across another night owl. This 38-year-old no-good nick had five bench warrants but was issued a sixth disappearance ticket and released.
• July 26: Police were notified by someone at Arroyo Grande Community Hospital that a woman in their ER said that she was sexually assaulted in Morro Bay.
• July 26: Police cruising in the 300 block of Pico at 7:21 p.m. espied a 40-year-old tomato and arrested her for suspicion of being stewed.
• July 26: Police responded to the 1800 block of Ironwood for a reported grand theft. Logs indicated some sneak thief possibly entered an open garage and made off with a $25 tool bag filled with $3,000 worth of undisclosed tools.
• July 26: Police responded to the 1500 block of Preston Ln., and sailed off with a silver sailboat on a trailer sunk because the DMV Kraken hadn’t been fed in at least six months.
• July 25: Police received a report from the “Center for Health and Prevention” in San Luis Obispo that they had an apparent juvenile girl there who said she was sexually assaulted
in Morro Bay.
• July 25: Police responded at 3:19 p.m. to Pacific and Embarcadero where two cars tried to occupy the same space at the same time, and you know that never ends well. No injuries were reported.
• July 25: Some scoundrel, getting an apparent start on stealing a car, took a car’s license plate in the 500 block of Quintana, and as Johnny Cash sang, “One piece at a time, And it wouldn’t cost me a dime.”
• July 24: Police took a report of vandalism in the 1200 block of Scott St., as apparently the graffidiots are on the loose again.
• July 24: From the lost-found department — someone in the 3300 block of Beachcomber reported a missing person. On the other hand, someone in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., reported finding some undisclosed treasure.
• July 24: Police responded at 9:14 a.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Piney Ln. Logs indicated a 43-year-old woman was nicked for suspicion of getting a bit top heavy in public. She was booked into jail for an attitude adjustment.
• July 24: Police contacted a suspicious fellow out at 2:54 a.m. at Morro Rock. The 58-year-old dodger had a bench warrant from another county and was shackled.
• July 23: Police responded at 9:31 p.m. to Albertson’s Market in the 700 block of Quintana Road for a report of a stolen bicycle, compounding the cruelty from the cost of groceries.
• July 23: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 5:16 p.m. in the 800 block of The Boulevard. Logs indicated the 42-year-old scofflaw had a lucky seven arrest warrants, so his luck ran out. During his arrest, they allegedly found suspected drugs and paraphernalia in this week’s example of why they call it dope.
• July 23: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5:16 p.m. in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the 65-year-old driver was arrested for suspicion of driving stoned on illegal drugs, possessing paraphernalia and dope, so the mope was taken to the County’s main sober living facility.
• July 23: Police responded to a disturbance complaint at 2:17 p.m. in the area of Hill and Rockview. Logs indicated they contacted a tipsy woman, 40, who was arrested for suspicion of getting crooked amongst the straights.
• July 23: Police contacted an apparent raggedy man at 1 p.m. by the beach in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. The 27-year-old squit had a felony warrant and was fitted for some steel bracelets.
• July 23: At 4:52 a.m. at Main and Atascadero Road, police contacted a suspicious woman who had a bench warrant and allegedly possessed illegal drugs. The citizen of the year was taken to County Jail.
• July 22: At 8:37 a.m. police responded to a home in the 2800 block of Birch where someone had apparently died overnight. At 11 a.m. across town in the 800 block of Pacific, they discovered another citizen who had passed away.
• July 22: Police responded to a report of some undisclosed crime at 2:18 a.m. in the 400 block of South Bay Blvd. Logs indicated they arrested a 33-year-old woman for violating terms of her probation, which apparently involved not getting drunk, and for allegedly making a false police report, an apparent case of even duct tape can’t fix stupid.
• July 21: Police responded at 10 p.m. to the 300 block of Nassau for a domestic disturbance. Logs indicated a 41-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of domestic battery and false imprisonment, both misdemeanors.
• July 21: Police responded to the 100 block of Bayshore at Bayshore Park, where someone said the motor for his dinghy was pinched, which almost sounds painful.
• July 21: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:21 a.m. at Monterey and Dunes. Logs indicated the driver, 29, was brought low on suspicion of driving high, possession of drugs and not possessing a driver’s license.
• July 20: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 11:22 p.m. lingering about in the 900 block of Las Tunas. The 23-year-old had a bench warrant, which warranted a fresh ticket that’ll soon be a warrant, too, as the wheels of the bus go round-and-round…
• July 20: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:36 p.m. in the 1500 block of Main. Logs indicated the 30-year-old woman driver was popped for allegedly driving topped and causing a smash-n-dash crash.
• July 20: Police contacted a swizzle stick traipsing about the 500 block of Monterey at 1:50 p.m. The borracho, 29, was nabbed for suspicion of walking around half-baked.
• July 20: Police responded at 11:17 a.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated a 35-year-old louse was suspected of assaulting his girlfriend and threatening “to cause great bodily injury” to her, too. Alleged charges listed were: making threats with the intent to terrorize; and aggravated assault on a co-habitant.
• July 20: Police responded to the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., at 7:47 a.m. to document the passing of another precious soul into the great unknown.
• July 20: Some apparent anarchist vandalized City Park in the 700 block of Harbor.
• July 19: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:36 p.m. at Main and Pacific. Logs indicated the driver, a 41-year-old apparent father, was arrested for suspicion of drunk driving, child endangerment, and “driving a motor vehicle without an ignition interlock device,” as this is apparently not his first red-light rodeo.
• July 19: Police responded at 1:33 p.m. to a disturbance in the 600 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 61-year-old fellow had apparently pitched a boggle and allegedly threatened to harm someone intending to terrorize them. He earned a one-way trip to the County dungeon.
• July 19: At 8:48 a.m. police towed off an offensive gold colored Honda Accord from the 900 block of Main for non-payment of the DMV’s pound of flesh.
• July 17: Police were called at 10 p.m. to the 500 block of Main after some apparent blowhards were disturbing the peace. Order was apparently restored no doubt just short of all out war.
• July 17: Police were called at 2:47 p.m. to some hoo-ha-ha in the 1400 block of Quintana. A 45-year-old beclowned fellow was nicked for suspicion of being thick. He slept it off in jail.
• July 17: Police contacted a suspicious guy actin’ a fool at 12:48 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. The 41-year-old was arrested for suspicion of felony vandalism (over $400), so he was apparently destructive on top of disruptive.
• July 17: Police towed off cars from Dunes Street and the Embarcadero at Atascadero Road just because the registration was expired.
• July 17: Someone found an airsoft pistol in the 400 block of Oahu and gave the toy to police to destroy, as gun control rises to a whole new level.
• July 17: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at midnight in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. A 29-year-old woman was pinched for suspicion of driving under the weather.
• July 16: Police responded at 9:42 p.m. to a suspicious subject report in the 1900 block of Main. Logs indicated they arrested a 28-year-old man for suspicion of attempted vehicle burglary. The not-so sneaky Pete was booked.
• July 16: Police contacted a pair of suspicious apparent nillionaires at 2 p.m. in Lila Keiser Park. They both had multiple bench warrants, however, the girl, 28, was issued a third ticket and released to catch again later, while the guy, 56, was hauled off to jail, how’s that for equality.
• July 16: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 12:14 a.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. The apparent night crawler, 46, was arrested for a felony warrant.
• July 15: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:13 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The driver, 53, was nicked for driving on a suspended license from a previous DUI, and no doubt thanks his maker he wasn’t drinking this time.
• July 15: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9 p.m. and ticketed the lead-footed driver for alleged speeding and a suspended license.
• July 15: Police stopped a suspicious subject at 12:55 p.m. on Hwy 1 at Morro Bay Boulevard. The apparent Schmoe, 50, of course had a bench warrant, and was cited and released.
• July 15: At 8:38 a.m. police contacted a suspicious woman at Lila Keiser Park, who naturally had two bench warrants. She was of course issued another ticket and let loose again.
• July 15: Someone stole a car parked at Atascadero and Park, the second such report in as many days.