• Sept. 7: Police responded at 9:38 p.m. to a shopping center in the 700 block of Quintana where they found a 37-year-old apparent swagman whom they cited for suspicion of trespassing and then released to go find another crash site.
• Sept. 7: Police responded at 9 p.m. to the 800 block of Morro for a disturbance report. Logs indicated some humanicus dooficus was so drunk he had to be hospitalized.
• Sept. 7: Police responded at 7:41 p.m. to a store in the 700 block of Quintana where they’d apparently caught a sticky-fingered fellow, 70, allegedly using the help-yourself aisle.
• Sept. 7: Some apparent pacifist surrendered firearms and ammo at the stationhouse, apparently shootin’ for police to destroy them. Police departments once resold guns they get at auction like an impounded car, but for over 20 years the fate of such firearms is the torch.
• Sept. 6: Police responded at 8 p.m. to the 800 block of Main where some fellow was coming out of the overly-happy hour and making an arse of himself. The 45-year-old stultified inebriate was arrested for suspicion of being too drunk to care for himself or anyone else. He slept it off in the hoosegow.
• Sept. 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4:37 p.m. in the 800 block of Main. Logs indicated the 66-year-old Mamaluke was allegedly three sheets into a bender and got cited and released, spared the Hwy 1 walk of shame from Kansas Avenue.
• Sept. 6: At 10:45 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., officers “assisted San Luis Obispo County Auto Theft Task Force with recovery of a stolen BMW Series 328I.” The thief however, apparently gave ‘em the slip.
• Sept. 5: Police got a report of vandalism at 11:59 p.m. in the 200 block of Dunes, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Sept. 5: Police contacted a regular customer at 9 p.m. in the 2600 block of Greenwood, who had a bench warrant. They issued a second disappearance ticket with a new court date to miss and let him go.
• Sept. 5: Police contacted a familiar woman, 50, at 2:42 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana, at the Creekbed Estates. She was arrested on multiple “non-citable” warrants, as apparently the judge wants a word with her.
• Sept. 5: Police responded to the 2400 block of Main where someone had apparently found illegal drugs. Police collected the contraband and will destroy it.
• Sept. 4: Police were called at 7:54 a.m. to the 700 block of Quintana for a disturbance. They encountered a 36-year-old plod and arrested him for suspicion of burglary, possession of stolen property and drunk in public, which explains a lot.
• Sept. 3: Police are investigating a report of suspected child abuse at a home in the 400 block of Napa. A second report came in about the same dirty business in the 900 block of Pacific. And a third suspected child abuse case was started in the 400 block of Monterey.
• Sept. 3: Police arrested a 43-year-old man for suspicion of felony evading arrest, criminal threats and a parole violation. Though logs are somewhat confusing, it appears whatever the dingus did it started here at Piney Way and Harbor, then ended up in San Luis Obispo with a traffic stop in the 1700 block of Farrier Ct., following a high-speed chase.
• Sept. 3: Police responded to the Morro Bay Library on Shasta at Harbor for a burglary report. A known suspect, 36, “entered through an unsecured window and stole a Kindle tablet,” a hanging offense in some parts.
• Sept. 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:33 p.m. in the 1700 block of Main. Logs indicated the lady driver, 24, got arrested for no registration, no proof of insurance, no license and alleged possession of drug paraphernalia, her stash no doubt hidden where the sun don’t shine and cops can’t search.
• Sept. 2: Police contacted a repeat customer, 50, at 2:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana, who had four bench warrants and was actually taken in irons to the gaol.
• Sept. 2: At 8 a.m. police contacted a 58-year-old fellow in the 600 block of Harbor who had a bench warrant. He soon also had a charge of possessing paraphernalia, which earned a stay at the County B&B.
• Sept. 1: Police espied a suspicious man at 1:55 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., at the new beachside encampment resort. The 22-year-old chap was busted for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs, possessing a blank checkbook under someone else’s name, and possessing credit cards that were also not issued to him, making him an alleged fraud and junkie.
• Sept. 1: Police spotted a familiar foe at 1:53 p.m. at Quintana and Kennedy Way. The 40-year-old scofflaw was booked into County Jail for an unlucky-7 outstanding warrants, as the hotshot shooter finally rolled snake eyes.
• Sept. 1: Police responded to Morro Dunes RV Park in the 1700 block of Embarcadero for a vandalism report. The loss was somewhere south of $400, and a task force will no doubt be formed to catch the apparent graffidiots.
• Aug. 31: At 8 p.m. police got a report from San Luis Obispo Police of a domestic violence incident in the 6000 block of Joan Place in SLO town.
•Aug. 31: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4:16 p.m. on Hwy 1 at San Jacinto for some do doubt trumped up code violation. The 30-year-old amigo driving was arrested for suspicion of driving under influence of the weed and not bothering with a license.
• Aug. 31: At 3:45 p.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow near Balboa and Butte. The 45-year-old dude had a bench warrant, and logs said he was arrested, but later cited and released ‘cause when you aim at nothin’, you hit nothin’.
• Aug. 31: Police spotted another besotted twister making his way along the 700 block of Market at 2:41 p.m. Logs indicated the Schmoe, 29, had two bench warrants and was jammed up for being butt-toasted in public.
• Aug. 31: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:05 p.m. at Shasta and Main. Logs indicated the driver, 62, was nicked for suspicion of driving thick as a tick.
• Aug. 31: Someone brought in some illegal drugs for police to take. No word on what kind of booger sugar it was.
• Aug. 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:07 a.m. at Main and San Jacinto for some undisclosed enforcement reason. The driver, 42, was allegedly driving on a toot, and was cited and released, presumably to a more responsible, or at least sober friend.
• Aug. 30: Police took a report of petty theft by some petty thief in the 2700 block of Cedar. No word on the treasure lost.
• Aug. 29: Police welcomed an old friend back when they contacted the 59-year-old fellow at noon at City Park on Harbor Street. The model citizen had a felony arrest warrant and got taxied to the dungeon in a black & white.
• Aug. 28: A 37-year-old fellow with a warrant turned himself in at the police station, no doubt expecting to be cited and let go. However, joke’s on Bozo, as police hauled him to the pokey.
• Aug. 28: Police responded to a disturbance at 1 a.m. in the 2600 block of Main. Logs indicated they filed an arrest warrant on a 22-year-old sinister fellow for making death threats against a family member.
• Aug. 27: Police followed a suspicious vehicle onto Hwy 1 south at 9 p.m. Logs indicated they pulled the weaving car over near the South Bay Exit and the driver, 67, was busted for driving a tad sideways. He was cited and released to a sober friend thus avoiding jail, but his car was arrested.
• Aug. 26: At 11:13 p.m. police came across a suspicious fellow at Main and Surf. Logs indicated the chap was allegedly in possession of drugs and paraphernalia and was cited and released to no doubt go replenish his stash.
• Aug. 26: Police followed a suspicious vehicle at 9:39 p.m. in the 1300 block of Main, a.k.a. No-man’s Land and observed “multiple infractions.” A sobriety check apparently reached the obvious punch line and he was nicked for suspicion of driving smoked on hooch. He was cited and turned over to a more responsible party.
• Aug. 26: Some land pirate broke into a car parked at Quintana and South Bay. No word on what or whose booty was pinched.
• Aug. 26: Police spotted a suspicious woman at 10:31 a.m. at City Park in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the 43-year-old belle was busted for suspicion of possessing drugs and violating parole, so it was apparently not her first rodeo.