• Nov. 5: Police were called to a disturbance at 5:30 p.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated they arrested a 55-year-old tipsy fellow for suspicion of being schwasted in public.
• Nov. 5: Police responded at 1:51 p.m. to the 2000 block of Bayview where someone had passed away.
• Nov. 4: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 3:45 p.m. at City Park in the 700 block of Harbor. The 41-year-old Sheila had a warrant and got tossed into the pokey.
• Nov. 4: Police responded at 2:30 p.m. to the 2600 block of Elm for a vandalism report. A man told police that some apparent terrorist vandalized his car, including, “racial slurs that had been burned into the interior headliner,” logs said.
• Nov. 4: Police responded at 1:25 p.m. to an apparently minor traffic collision at Napa and the Boulevard.
• Nov. 3: At 11 a.m. police arrested an offensive car in the 3000 block of Beachcomber whose registration had lapsed through no fault of the vehicle’s.
• Nov. 3: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 6:45 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The scofflaw, 22, had two felony warrants and was booked into the County B&B.
• Nov. 2: At 12:14 p.m. police responded to the 1500 block of White Pine Dr., where another citizen passed Go for the final time.
• Nov. 2: Police towed off an unregistered vehicle from the 3000 block of Tide because the DMV monster had yet to be fed.
• Nov. 1: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11:22 p.m. in the area of Main and Errol. Logs indicated a 64-year-old model citizen was arrested for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia and was injected into the hoosegow.
• Nov. 1: Police contacted a suspicious chap at 9:11 p.m. in the area of Alder and Sequoia. The 51-year-old bonehead had a bench warrant and was issued a new disappearance ticket and released under the yo-yo justice system of today.
• Nov. 1: A 43-year-old woman was contacted at 8:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. She of course had two bench warrants and again was cited and released to catch another day.
•Oct. 31: Police stopped a suspicious subject at 9:17 p.m. in the 1900 block of Sunset. A 21-year-old annoying flesh monkey was arrested on suspicion of being higher than the stacks on drugs.
• Oct. 31: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3:12 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated a 56-year-old woman was nicked for a suspended license, resisting arrest and being krunked behind the wheel, which explains a lot but excuses nothing.
• Oct. 31: Police towed away a car parked too long in the 2800 block of Alder.
• Oct. 31: Police responded at 7:25 a.m. to a report that someone had died, on Halloween no less, in the 900 block of Pacific.
• Oct. 31: At 3 a.m. police towed off a car from the Rock area because the owner neglected to feed the DMV kitty.
•Oct. 30: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:30 p.m. at Marina and Piney Way. Logs indicated the 46-year-old driver was cited and released for suspicion of driving while imbibing, on a suspended license to boot.
• Oct. 30: Police stopped a suspicious car at 9:30 p.m. in the area of Beach and Market, after the driver blew through a stop sign. Logs indicated the 19-year-old fellow was nicked for suspicion of driving on a toot, no license, and running a stop sign, because even duct tape can’t fix stupid.
• Oct. 28: Police spotted a suspicious subject outside The Siren bar at 11:30 p.m. in the 900 block of Main. The 21-year-old reveler was nicked for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and paraphernalia, as a lesson in slyness is apparently in order.
• Oct. 28: Police espied a suspicious fellow traipsing down the 1000 block of Main at midnight. The 28-year-old swizzle stick was busted for suspicion of being schnockered and hauled to the gaol to sleep it off.
• Oct. 27: Police contacted a familiar foe at 8:20 p.m. in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. The 53-year-old knucklehead had three bench warrants and was issued a fourth and released.
• Oct. 27: Police documented a report of possible suspected child abuse in the 4600 block of Rula Ct., made by a mandatory reporter.
• Oct. 27: Police towed off an offensive vehicle from somewhere on Main Street for failing to bleed for the DMV in a timely manner.
• Oct. 25: Police responded to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., where they took a report for a missing person. On Oct. 26, at 10:32 p.m. they returned to the scene and arrested a 26-year-old louse for suspicion of felony domestic battery, assault, inflicting corporal injury on a spouse and sexual battery. The miserable cur was tossed into the County Jail.
• Oct. 25: Someone found a cell phone at Coleman Beach and police have it now.
• Oct. 25: Police responded to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where some scalawag had stolen fishing rods and a net was no doubt cast to hook the fiend.
• Oct. 24: Police responded at 8:26 p.m. to a disturbance in the 600 block of San Jacinto. Logs indicated they arrested a 34-year-old woman for suspicion of assault and domestic battery of a spouse or co-habitant. She cooled her jets in the clink.
• Oct. 24: Police responded to the 1200 block of Embarcadero where some pirate tool stole the battery off a boat.
• Oct. 23: Police responded at 2:30 p.m. to the 800 block of Quintana where some Mamaluke was apparently going wooly-booger and pitching a fit. The 42-year-old woman was nicked for suspicion of petty theft, disorderly conduct and being stewed in public, which might explain all the apparent drama.