• May 12: At 9:30 p.m. police responded to a disturbance in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated a 28-year-old ruffian was charged with suspicion of battery.
• May 11: Police spotted a familiar foe at 10:13 p.m. hanging outside Morro Bay Market and Spirits. The 39-year-old apparent swagman had a warrant, was rousted a bit and then cited and released.
• May 11: Police responded at 1:06 p.m. to a curious incident at Greenwood and Avalon. Logs indicated the caller said someone had “impeded his ability to maneuver his vehicle while he was driving his vehicle,” a case of next time, turn him into a speed bump.
• May 11: A citizen in the 400 block of Estero reported being swindled. No word on the loss.
• May 10: Police responded to the Silver City West MHP in the 1600 block of Main where they arrested a 37-year-old woman on three bench warrants. She was taken away to jail, a no doubt tragic scene witnessed by the whole park.
• May 10: At 8:22 p.m. police contacted some troll under a highway overpass on Main Street. The 38-year-old apparent slugabed had two bench warrants, which lead to a search and the discovery of suspected illegal drugs and paraphernalia. And so not takin’ care of business, lead to business taking care of him.
• May 10: Police contacted a 55-year-old woman at 8:48 p.m. near the northbound on ramp to Hwy 1 at Hwy 41. Logs indicated the belle of the ball was allegedly stoned on drugs and possessed paraphernalia, her stash apparently already shot.
• May 10: Police responded at 12:36 p.m. to a girl-on-girl verbal melee in the 1200 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated two women, ages 67 and 39, were both arrested for suspicion of disturbing the peace and screaming offensive words in public.
• May 9: Police at the high school on Atascadero Road reportedly cited a juvenile for truancy, as short-timers disease apparently doesn’t apply until the last week of school.
• May 8: Police contacted a suspicious fellow, 42, at 9:30 p.m. in the 300 block of the Boulevard. He had a bench warrant and allegedly committed vandalism, too and was sent off to the clink.
• May 8: Police responded to a disturbance at 8:23 p.m. in the 500 block of Main. A 19-year-old rookie was arrested for suspicion of being drunk and disorderly and no doubt scaring the straights in public.
• May 8: Police responded to the 400 block of Estero for a hit-run with property damage. Then they stopped the suspected involved vehicle in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the 50-year-old bent driver was arrested for suspicion of felony making criminal threats, hit-n-split, a suspended license and driving schwasted, which explains much.
• May 8: Police responded at 11:18 a.m. to a car crash at Main and Quintana. No gory details were available.
• May 7: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:10 p.m. in the 3200 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, a 35-year-old hombre was arrested for suspicion of driving deep in his cups.
• May 7: Police responded to the Family Dollar discount store at 12:43 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana for a report of fraudulent transactions, or the passing of funny money.
• May 7: At 11:45 a.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., police arrested a 30-year-old sticky-fingered fellow for suspicion of shoplifting.
• May 7: Police responded at 8 a.m. to the 1000 block of Market where they aided in a citizen’s arrest of some apparent howler monkey, 69, citing him for suspicion of disturbing the peace.
• May 6: Police responded at 11:18 p.m. to City Park on Harbor Street for a disturbance. Logs indicated they arrested a 30-year-old swizzle stick for suspicion of possessing an open container of alcohol in public without a permit, disorderly conduct and being sozzled in public.
• May 5: Police responded to a domestic dustup at 10:05 p.m. in the 800 block of Morro. Upon arrival they snatched up a 51-year-old apparent battleaxe for suspicion of spousal assault with injuries and she chilled in the County cooler.
• May 5: Police espied some beclowned fellow causing a hoo-ha-ha in City Park at 9:30 p.m. The 39-year-old bozo was nicked for suspicion of being on the razzle. It was this chap’s second run-in with the law that day. At 12:05 a.m., this same humanicus dooficus was arrested for suspicion of drunk and disorderly while in City Park. So he went to jail in time for breakfast, got out after lunch and was back a few hours later, but alas he missed a no doubt scrumptious dinner.
• May 5: Police responded to a traffic collision report at 7:30 p.m. on Hwy 1 at Yerba Buena. Logs indicated one apparent driver, a 41-year-old fellow, was arrested for suspicion of driving too fast while stupid. He was taken to the County sober living facility. No injuries were reported.
• May 5: Police responded at 2:41 p.m. to a disturbance in the 700 block of Quintana, where the usual suspects can be found. A report was sent to County Mental Health.
• May 5: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:30 p.m. in the 1500 block of Main, a.k.a. “The Bottleneck.” A 64-year-old gent was nicked for suspicion of driving hellified and taken to Hades for booking. Not to be left out, a 61-year-old woman driver got the same treatment when police stopped her at 6:49 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana.
• May 4: At 10:24 a.m. police contacted a familiar hombre, 37, in the 1600 block of Main. He had a warrant and was issued another ticket to ignore. A few minutes later at the same location, a 55-year-old woman was found to have two bench warrants. She too was issued a disappearance ticket and released.
• May 4: Police spotted a suspicious fellow at 12:22 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana, creeping about the Creekside Estates. The 49-year-old scofflaw had a bench warrant and was issued another citation and released back into the wilds.
• May 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4:25 p.m. in the 700 block of Harbor. Logs indicated the 26-year-old naughty boy was cited for driving on a suspended license because of a previous DUI. He was cited and no doubt breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn’t schnockered at the time.
• May 2: Police contacted a suspicious dude, 58, at 2:19 p.m. in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd. The clown had two bench warrants and was cited and released to go goof around some more.
• May 2: Police contacted a regular customer at 1:25 p.m. at City Park. She of course had quite a pair of bench warrants and was issued another slip to wipe with and let go.
• May 2: Police had another quotidian encounter at 11:30 a.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. The 65-year-old actual criminal had a felony arrest warrant and was taken to the hoosegow.
• May 1: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:16 p.m. in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 35, had a bench warrant and a suspended license, hangin’ offenses in these parts. The passenger, 39, also had a bench warrant, plus a pocket full of suspected drugs and paraphernalia, in this week’s example of why they call it dope.
• May 1: Police responded at 8:39 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1100 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated a 37-year-old moonbeam was arrested for allegedly being stoned on drugs and acting most unladylike, to undeserved politeness.
• May 1: Someone turned in a bicycle they found on Hwy 1.
• May 1: Police contacted one of the City Park regulars at 8:10 a.m. The 39-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia, his stash apparently hidden where the sun doesn’t shine and the cops won’t look.
• May 1: And in the movie of the week… Police responded at 7:43 a.m. to City Park for a report of a suspicious man doing nasty stuff. Logs indicated they arrested a 39-year-old nodcock for a Trumpian slew of charges — disorderly conduct, under the influence of drugs, indecent exposure and destruction of evidence, possession of suspected drugs and paraphernalia, vandalism and of course being fizzucked in public, which explains a lot but excuses nothing.
• April 30: Police responded at 9:15 p.m. to the 2500 block of Main for a domestic disturbance. Logs indicated a 37-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of spousal battery and dragged to the dungeon.
• April 30: At 3 p.m. an officer discovered a homeless encampment apparently in the sand dunes in the 1300 block of Embarcadero. A warning sign was posted advising the apparent nillionaires of the anti-sleeping-where-they-can’t-collect-a-tax law and giving them 3-days to vacate the area, OR ELSE.
• April 29: A citizen in the 200 block of Main told police some scoundrel stole her mail and her identity, and used a “state refund debit card.”