• March 19: Police responded at 9:25 p.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. for an apparent fight among juvenile delinquents. Logs indicated a juvenile boy reported aggravated assaulted by some ruffian causing great bodily injury.
• March 19: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle in the 2700 block of Main at 7:50 p.m. Logs indicated the driver had two out-of-county warrants and a suspended license, taken away for a DUI. He was cited and released to be caught again later.
• March 19: Police stopped a vehicle at 4:40 p.m. after reportedly seeing the driver blow through the stop sign at Main and Beach. Logs indicated they took the poor fellow in for a breathalyzer test but had to let him go when he blew under 0.08%, a rare case of neener-neener-neener!
• March 18: Police responded at 2 a.m. to a watering hole in the 2700 block of Main where some dude was tootin’ his horn. The 47-year-old annoying flesh monkey was hauled away to the County quiet room for allegedly being stultified.
• March 17: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11 p.m. on South Bay Boulevard at Hwy 1. Logs indicated the 26-year-old driver volunteered a field breath test, which he failed. And then took another at the police station, with ditto the results. He was cited and released to a sober friend who came and got him.
• March 17: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 4 p.m. in City Park and the dude had five bench warrants and was checked into the County B&B.
• March 16: Police contacted another model citizen in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., who had multiple bench warrants. He too checked into the dungeon.
• March 16: Someone turned in a wallet they’d found somewhere in town. Someone else turned in a bullet they were shootin’ to be rid of.
• March 16: Police towed away a car found at 10 a.m. on Hwy 1 at Atascadero Road as the driver owed a the DMV a pound of flesh.
• March 16: Police responded to the 1200 block of Main where someone said a scoundrel stole his, her or them’s bicycle.
• March 15: Police responded at 9:55 p.m. to a motel in the 1200 block of Morro Ave. They discovered a woman, 51, apparently running amok and allegedly destroying multiple plants at the motel. Logs indicated they found a suspected meth pipe in her pocket and she was arrested for suspicion of vandalism and possessing drug paraphernalia, her stash apparently already up in smoke.
• March 14: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11:59 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana apparently carrying two scaffolding boards, which he allegedly admitted he’d stolen. He was arrested for suspicion of petty theft, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• March 15: Police responded at 8:15 a.m. to the Sunset Motel in the 600 block of Main for a reported domestic violence incident. They wrote a report.
• March 14: Someone in the 1100 block of Embarcadero noticed his or her license plate was stolen, or at least missing.
• March 13: Police responded to Las Vegas Avenue for a report that a woman’s bonehead ex-fiancé has been indirectly contacting her in violation of a restraining order.
• March 14: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:50 a.m. in the 800 block of Quintana. They arrested a 38-year-old woman for suspicion of being stoned in the presence of decent society.
• March 14: Police responded at 12:50 a.m. to a report of a suspicious vehicle in the 700 block of Butte. Logs indicated they arrested two men and a woman on warrants and various drug charges. A 31-year-old chap was nicked for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs for sale, simple possession of drugs and paraphernalia. A 35-year-old dude was popped for suspicion of possessing drugs for sale and a 29-year-old woman was wrung up for suspicion of possession of illegal drugs; possession of more than 1 ounce of the evil weed; and of course giving police a fake name. All were tossed into the gaol.
• March 14: Police contacted an apparent resident of the creek bed in the 500 block of Quintana who had three bench warrants. Logs indicated they wrote another citation and released the poured fellow back into the drainage ditch.
• March 13: At 3:13 p.m. police went fishing again in the drainage ditch in the 400 block of Quintana and caught a 54-year-old fellow with a bench warrant. He got another failure to appear date and was released.
• March 13: Police responded to Ironwood Avenue for a report of identity theft, the scourge of the wired world.
• March 11: Police responded to somewhere on Morro Bay Boulevard where they collected a rifle for destruction that someone had apparently found no doubt hidden where no one would find it.
• March 10: Police responded at 11:50 p.m. to the 700 block of Harbor for a car crash. No juicy details were released.
• March 10: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:46 p.m. at Main and Radcliff. Logs indicated the 60-year old driver was nicked for suspicion of being spanked.
• March 10: Police contacted a suspicious fellow raising a ruckus at 9:14 p.m. in the 700 block of Harbor. The 38-year-old noodle was drunk tanked for alleged disorderly conduct, being tankered in public, and a warrant because there’s more to the elephant than the tusks.
• March 9: Police responded to the 600 block of San Jacinto where they took a report of suspected bank fraud with the loss of $1,700. Logs indicated the hacker thief used a computer, which always nets more money than using a gun.
• March 9: Someone found a driver’s license in the 1200 block of Embarcadero. Police have it now.
• March 9: Police responded at 12:24 p.m. to Piney Way and Pacific for an injury car crash. No word on who zoomed who.
• March 9: Someone at the high school reported losing something beyond months of learning during COVID.
• March 8: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 7:30 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the 30-year-old scofflaw had five bench warrants. He was issued a sixth disappearance ticket and released.
• March 8: Police responded to a disturbance at 3:15 p.m. at Morro Bay High in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated one little straight-A student was arrested presumably for fighting as battery was the charge, along with disrupting school and disorderly conduct.
• March 8: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 2:30 p.m. in City Park on Harbor Street. Logs indicated they arrested a 48-year-old lady scofflaw on numerous bench warrants, as apparently seven isn’t her lucky number. She was also charged with alleged possession of illegal drugs and paraphernalia, in this week’s example of why they call it dope.
• March 8: Someone turned in a wallet she or he found in the 800 block of MBB.
• March 8: Police responded at noon to a disturbance in the 1200 block of Main. Logs indicated a son was allegedly threatening his father with a hammer and box cutter razor knife. The father had a restraining order out on the little miscreant. Naturally, he also allegedly was in possession of illegal drugs and paraphernalia, which explains a lot.
• March 8: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 63, in the 700 block of Quintana. Upon investigation the woman had two bench warrants. She was issued another citation to ignore and released.
• March 7: Police espied a suspicious woman, 39, in City Park at 7:30 p.m. The swizzle stick had a bell on every tooth and was nicked for suspicion of disorderly conduct and being a disciple of Bacchus.
• March 7: Police contacted yet another model citizen at Main and Bonita. The 38-year-old dingus had two warrants. He was issued a future third warrant and unleashed back on society.
• March 6: Police responded at 9:50 p.m. to the 600 block of Main for a reported vandalism. Logs indicated they arrested an apparently angry 31-year-old humanicus dooficus on suspicion of vandalism with over $400 in damages.
• March 6: Police responded at 9:41 p.m. to Motel 6 in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., to check the welfare of 7-year-old twin boys. Logs indicated they contacted the boys’ mother, who was allegedly schwasted and unable to care for her children. Officers took the boys to their grandmother’s home and reported the mother of the year’s behavior to Child Welfare Services.
• March 6: Police responded at 1:52 p.m. to a traffic accident at Sunset and Atascadero Road. Sorry, no injuries were reported.
• March 6: Police responded at 8 a.m. to a disturbance at the Community Center, 1001 Kennedy Way. Logs indicated they arrested a 65-year-old woman after they discovered she had two bench warrants in another county.
• March 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the highly suspect time of 1 a.m. at Main and Hwy 1. The driver, a 62-year-old fellow was nicked for driving honked and having more alcohol in his blood than legally allowed — somewhere north of 0.08%.