• Aug. 27: Police responded to a disturbance at 9:35 p.m. on State Park Road, where a 71-year-old apparent Scaramouch was allegedly threatening the staff at the Inn at Morro Bay, no doubt just another satisfied customer. The hotheaded fellow was hauled off to the cooler to chill out.
• Aug. 27: Police responded to a disturbance at 7 p.m. in the 1000 block of Main. Logs indicated a 23-year-old rookie was nicked for suspicion of being drunk and disorderly in public and they came to take him away, ha-ha, he-he, ho-ho…
• Aug. 27: Police responded at 2:45 p.m. to a store in the 700 block of Quintana to deal with an apparently unwelcomed fellow. The 31-year-old interloper was cited for alleged trespassing and released with a promise to make like a tree…
• Aug. 27: Police responded to the 100 block of Atascadero Rd., where someone hopped the fence at the City Corp Yard and vandalized one of the government’s vehicles, a hanging offense in some countries.
• Aug. 26: Someone at the Inn at Morro Bay said his or her car was vandalized. A posse was no doubt rounded up to hunt down the varmint.
• Aug. 26: At 10:50 p.m. police contacted an old friend in the 1000 block of Main St. The 52-year-old scofflaw was cited and released on a bench warrant, apparently not worth the gas to haul to County Jail.
• Aug. 25: Police responded to a reported burglary at 12:45 p.m. in the 2300 block of Hemlock. According to logs, a resident made a citizen’s arrest on his or her 34-year-old roommate “for the theft of $10,” because ten dollars is ten dollars.
• Aug. 25: Police stopped a sitting duck driving at 1 a.m. in the 500 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the driver, 43, had a suspended license and was cited, his party pipped at the post.
• Aug. 24: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:15 p.m. in the 900 block of Pecho. Logs indicated a 23-year-old belle of the ball got kicked to the curb and the tomato landed in jail for suspicion of being stewed.
• Aug. 24: Police in the 3300 block of Beachcomber towed off a vehicle; they’d decided the POS was abandoned.
• Aug. 24: An elderly care facility on Teresa Drive reported the possible financial abuse of one of their clients.
• Aug. 23: Police responded to the 2300 block of Hemlock at 7 p.m. Logs indicated officers arrested a 75-year-old apparent ruffian for suspicion of aggravated assault on a peace officer or firefighter.
• Aug. 23: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:44 p.m. in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the 49-year-old driver was nicked for alleged possession of illegal drugs, transportation of illegal drugs, possession of a controlled substance, possession of the evil weed for sale, and being stoned, which explains a lot.
• Aug. 23: Police responded at 1:35 p.m. to the 2800 block of Alder at the old Pacific Cottage Motel where they arrested a 27-year-old apparent bail jumper for a bench warrant.
• Aug. 23: Police responded to the 900 block of Piney Way at 1:30 p.m. where they arrested a 59-year-old woman for a bench warrant, as the crackdown continues.
• Aug. 23: Someone came to the police station and reported that he or she had their identity stolen and were the victims of a con game but they didn’t want to press charges, as if the thieves could ever be found.
• Aug. 23: Some honest Abe turned in a wallet they found in the 1100 block of Embarcadero.
• Aug. 22: Police responded at 4:38 p.m. to the 900 block of Embarcadero where they arrested a 22-year-old sticky-fingered fellow for suspicion of shoplifting and a pair of bench warrants.
• Aug. 22: A store in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd., reported a shoplifting and the scoundrels apparently got away too, adding insult to the injury of jacked up rents.
• Aug. 22: Someone stole a solar panel in the 1100 block of Embarcadero, proving once again that people will steal anything.
• Aug. 22: Police responded at 9:40 a.m. to the 400 block of Atascadero Rd., for a report of suspected child abuse. Logs indicated a 31-year-old man was arrested for suspicion of child endangerment and hauled to the gaol.
• Aug. 22: Police responded at 8:55 a.m. to the Inn at Morro Bay where they arrested a 28-year-old tool for suspicion of assault and domestic violence.
• Aug. 21: At 7 p.m. police contacted a suspicious humanicus dooficus in the 200 block of Pacific who was arrested in connection with an alleged vehicle burglary in the 700 block of Market.
• Aug. 21: Police found a stolen vehicle parked in the 400 block of Quintana. No word on suspects but that’s near the Creek Bed Estates, so maybe look there.
• Aug. 21: At 2:55 a.m. police stumbled upon a stumblebum stumbling down Kennedy Way at Quintana Road. Logs indicated the future mayor, 23, was nicked for suspicion of being sozzled in public, a case of never take a joint from a guy.
• Aug. 19: Police responded at 7 p.m. to Front and Beach where a woman said she left her purse in her car and some rat fink stole it, who then of course immediately used her credit card, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Aug. 19: Police responded at 9:12 p.m. to the 400 block of LaJolla for a disturbance report. Logs indicated a 38-year-old louse was arrested for alleged battery to his spouse.
• Aug. 19: Police responded at 6 p.m. to a suspicious subject hanging around Dolly’s Donut shop in the 1000 block of Kennedy Way. Logs indicated police arrested a 38-year-old fruit loop dingus for alleged possession of illegal drugs, as no doubt a sugar high is no longer sufficient.
• Aug. 19: Police responded at 4 p.m. to an unruly fellow raising Caine in the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated a 27-year-old annoying flesh monkey got nicked for going woolly-booger in public.
• Aug. 19: At 3:39 p.m. police towed off a parked vehicle at Main and Atascadero Road because the DMV was overdue its pound of flesh.
• Aug. 18: Someone on Sequoia Street said he or she had gotten a terrorist death threat and wanted to have police make a note of it just in case.
• Aug. 17: Police responded at 12:39 p.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where someone’s car was broken into. While there a second vehicle burglary report was given by someone else who was also a victim of the tourist tax.
• Aug. 17: Someone stole a bike in the 600 block of Embarcadero and police are hunting the theif.
• Aug. 17: Police took a lost property report at the police station, logs didn’t say what, nor where the thing was lost, and a task force will no doubt be formed to comb the town for whatever it was. Did you find it?
• Aug. 17: Police responded to the 300 block of Quintana where some thief made off with the license plate and fenders off a car, proving definitively that people will steal anything.
• Aug. 17: Police in the 700 block of Quintana espied a suspicious 48-year-old woman actin’ a fool at 9:18 a.m., which seems a little early to be having a bag lady moment. She was nicked for suspicion of being high on dope.
• Aug. 16: Somebody turned in something they found somewhere in town.
• Aug. 16: Police responded at 11:34 a.m. to a disturbance in the 800 block of Monterey. Logs indicated a 48-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of resisting arrest and being stoned on drugs, earning this week’s prize for why they call it dope.
• Aug. 15: Police spotted a suspicious subject at 6:48 p.m. sitting in a vehicle parked outside Cork & Bottle Liquor in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. The 46-year-old apparent lazybones was arrested for suspicion of being drunk in public, no doubt the minute he stepped outside the vehicle.
• Aug. 15: Police responded at 4:17 p.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of Kings. Some ruffian knave, 41, was tossed into the dungeon for suspicion of spousal battery.
Aug. 14: Police contacted a return customer at 9:11 p.m. in City Park on Harbor Street. The scofflaw had a bench warrant and was issued another disappearance ticket and freed until next time.