• Dec. 26: Police spotted a car reported stolen out of Porterville in Tulare County and gave chase through town and out Hwy 41 at 9:17 a.m. According to police, a Sheriff’s deputy deployed a spike strip on the roadway in Atascadero at San Gabriel Road, which though it didn’t blow out the tires, did force the driver to veer clear and ram into a telephone pole; the hooligan — joined by another delinquent — took off running, leaving behind three passengers for the police. They were soon caught and the driver, a 16-year-old from Porterville, was charged with suspicion of grand theft auto, possession of stolen property, resisting arrest, felony reckless evading, and a Tulare County warrant.
The second moonraker, 15, was charged with suspicion of resisting arrest and a bench warrant from back home. Both are alleged gang members from Porterville.
• Dec. 25: Police responded at 3:21 p.m. to the 300 block of Dunbar where they were asked to help deal with a troubled juvenile having a bit of a breakdown. He or she was taken for a 72-hour timeout.
• Dec. 25: At 3:10 p.m. someone reported a fender-bender in the 400 block of Dunes. No injuries were reported.
• Dec. 24: Police were called to the Mobil Station in the 900 block of MBB for a reported forged business check that they’d apparently cashed for a whopping $8,000.
• Dec. 24: Police, fire and harbor patrol all responded at 10:38 a.m. to the beach at the end of Atascadero Road where a Sacramento man was bitten and killed by a suspected great white shark while boogie boarding in the ocean about 100 yards north of the Hwy 41 beach access.
• Dec. 23: Police responded at 9 a.m. to the 2000 block of Seaview where logs indicated a 57-year-old woman, “falsely reported her vehicle as stolen after it was crashed by her adult daughter the night before,” also called a Juicy Smole-yea.
• Dec. 22: Police contacted an apparent swagman at 5:30 p.m. on Hwy 1 near the MBB exit who had two bench warrants. He was issued another ticket and released.
• Dec. 22: Graffidiots struck in the 900 block of Carmel. Police took note of it.
• Dec. 22: Police responded at 8:42 a.m. to a disturbance in the 800 block of Monterey. Logs indicated a 36-year-old bounder was nicked for suspicion of being schwasted in public.
• Dec. 21: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:19 p.m. in the 100 block of Little Morro Creek Rd., and arrested the driver, 29, for allegedly driving with beer goggles on.
• Dec. 20: Citizens in the 2500 block of Greenwood said they was robbed!
• Dec. 20: Yet another catalytic converter was stolen off a parked car in the 2800 block of Fir.
• Dec. 20: Police responded to Bottle Liquor in the 900 block of Main where some scalawag passed a fake Benjamin to no doubt buy hooch and smokes.
• Dec. 19: At 9:21 p.m. police got a 9-1-1 call from a woman in the 300 block of Oahu who wanted to have an incident “recorded” but didn’t want police to respond. So naturally, police responded to the scene immediately and contacted the Bickersons, who were “uncooperative.” A report was taken for the D.A.’s no doubt amusement.
• Dec. 19: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5:30 p.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. A 35-year-old fellow was nicked for alleged driving on a toot.
• Dec. 19: Police responded to Garden Gallery in the 600 block of Embarcadero for a theft report.
• Dec. 18: Police responded at 1:24 p.m. to Miner’s Hardware in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd. for a reported burglary. Logs indicated they have no leads on the scoundrels.
• Dec. 17: Police contacted a suspicious fellow hanging around Rite Aid at 11:13 a.m. The 63-year-old apparent skint had two warrants and was given a third and released.
• Dec. 16: Police responded at 7:48 p.m. for a disturbance in the 300 block of Dunbar. A troubled child was given a 72-hour recess with County Mental Health.
• Dec. 16: A citizen in the 400 block of Kodiak had the catalytic converter stolen off his or her car. A second resident in the 3300 block of Panorama Dr., had their catalytic converter stolen, too, with a third, fourth and fifth stolen in the 400 block of Orcas, 3000 block of Main and 400 block of Oahu, in what’s become the scourge of the 21st Century.
• Dec. 15: Police responded at 7 p.m. to somewhere on Atascadero Road for a report of two cars being vandalized by some apparent maniac. One car had its tires slashed and the other had the paint keyed, and the door panel kicked in.
• Dec. 15: Police contacted a regular customer, 40, at 12:17 p.m. causing a kerfluffle in City Park. He had warrants and was given another useless ticket that he’ll likely ignore too.
• Dec. 14: Police contacted a buzzed lady, 40, at 8:30 p.m. in the 300 block of Surf causing a ruckus. She was nicked for suspicion of being fizzucked in public and tossed into the hole.
• Dec. 14: Police responded at 6:15 p.m. to a traffic crash somewhere on Kern Avenue.
• Dec. 14: At 7 a.m. police served a warrant in the 1000 block of Market. A 44-year-old fellow had two bench warrants, was given a third and released. At 5:15 p.m. police contacted another suspicious fellow in the 1200 block of Embarcadero. This idjit, 49, had a non-local bench warrant and was cited and released, no doubt guffawing at police as they drove away.
• Dec. 13: A citizen in the 2500 block of Greenwood reported getting a scam phone call but apparently didn’t fall for the skullduggery, as one should never bow before hyenas.
• Dec. 12: Police looked up a familiar fellow, 31, with a warrant at 10 p.m. in the 700 block of Butte but alas, they simply cited and released the scofflaw with another disappearance ticket.
• Dec. 12: Yet another sneaky fellow, 27, with a warrant was contacted by police at 9:30 p.m., in the 300 block of Quintana. He became part of the new catch-and-release job security program.
• Dec. 12: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 3:22 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. The 42-year-old rascal from Los Osos had a no-bail arrest warrant out of Kern County and was actually arrested for a change. Logs indicated the model citizen was also charged with suspicion of possessing illegal drugs for sale and possession of drug paraphernalia. He was booked a return trip to the hoosegow.
• Dec. 12: Police responded at 1 a.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of Morro. Logs indicated a 33-year-old allegedly fit-shaced woman was engaged in some sort of raucous nincompoopery and got nicked for it.
• Dec. 11: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4:42 p.m. in the area of Main and Hill. Logs indicated a 44-year-old fellow was hauled to the gaol for suspicion of driving pickled and child endangerment.
• Dec. 11: Police responded at 11 a.m. to the 1100 block of Monterey for a reported stolen vehicle. Logs indicated police located the stolen car and returned it to the owner, and the caze is sol-ved.
• Dec. 10: Police responded at 10:17 p.m. to Pacific Premiere Bank in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., where they took “an unfounded report” that a 72-year-old apparent ruffian assaulted an employee of the bank. Police filed a crime report with the D.A.
• Dec. 10: Police at the high school filed a missing/runaway hooligan report.
• Dec. 10: Someone turned in an undisclosed amount of cash they apparently found at Albertson’s Market.
• Dec. 10: A citizen in the 1500 block of White Pine Dr., reported a case of Internet identity theft via his or her personal banking account and credit cards. No word on the extent of the carnage.
• Dec. 9: Police responded at 10:54 p.m. to a disturbance at the Morro Bay Mobil Gas Station in the 800 block of MBB. A 52-year-old tomato was nicked for suspicion of being stewed and tossed into the County stew pot.
• Dec. 9: Police were called at 5 p.m. to Albertson’s where some crankypated tool, 36, was goin’ all woolly-booger in the store. He was hauled to the gaol for a timeout.
• Dec. 9: A juvenile at the high school was placed in a 72-hour timeout with County Mental Health. A short time later, they were notified that a student had posted online a photo of himself holding a gun and officers were asked to have a little chat with him to make sure there was no credible threat.
• Dec. 8: Police contacted a disturbed fellow at 11:15 p.m. at Main and Quintana Pl. Logs indicated the 19-year-old muchacho was allegedly stoned on drugs and was checked into the County’s Kansas Avenue detox center.
• Dec. 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:37 a.m. at South Bay and State Park Road. Logs indicated the borracho, 78, was arrested for suspicion of driving butt-toasted and on a suspended license no less. He was arrested and released to a sober friend while at French Hospital.
• Dec. 7: Police stopped a 21-year-old woman at 9 a.m. on Hwy 1 at MBB. The little imp had a warrant but was only cited and released.
• Dec. 6: There is apparently a thief loose at the high school and police have no leads as to which miscreant might be responsible.