• Dec. 24: Police contacted an suspected tipsy woman plodding down the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., at 2:32 a.m. Logs indicated the apparent train wreck, 31, was arrested for being drunk off her caboose.
• Dec. 23: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 9:41 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The 58-year-old serf had a warrant out of Kings County but was only cited again and let go.
• Dec. 23: Police towed yet another offensive vehicle from the 600 block of Pacific.
• Dec. 22: Police contacted a suspicious dude at 11:37 p.m. in the 200 block of Harbor. Logs indicated the 42-year-old model citizen had a “non-citable” warrant and was hauled away to the Kansas Avenue spa & resort. While being booked, logs reported that a jailer discovered a plastic baggie of suspected illegal drugs somewhere on his person, “Say good-night Gracie…”
• Dec. 22: At 9:09 p.m. in the 700 block of Kern police contacted a suspicious fellow, 37, who of course had a warrant. He was cited again, adding to his collection of worthless paper.
• Dec. 22: Police responded to a disturbance at 6:12 p.m. in the 2300 block of Hemlock. Logs indicated some 75-year-old geezer was arrested for violating a stay-the-hell-away domestic violence court order, vandalism and a felony warrant.
• Dec. 22: Police responded to South Bay Boulevard and State Park Road where some no doubt climate denier stole solar panels.
• Dec. 22: Police responded to the 700 block of Harbor for a theft of auto parts or accessories report. Some master criminal apparently stole a license plate and sucked gasoline out of a presumably parked car.
• Dec. 21: Police responded at 1 p.m. to the 600 block of Quintana where a woman said she was bitten by someone’s black lab/pit bull mix dog as she was walking into a store. No word on what became of the mangy mongrel responsible or the dog.
• Dec. 21: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 25, at 12:07 a.m. in the 400 block of Elena. Logs indicated she was allegedly too drunk to care for herself or others and was checked into the County B&B to sleep it off.
• Dec. 19: Police responded to the 400 block of Yerba Buena where a man said his grandson “got a tattoo without permission.” Police are investigating, as it’s illegal to tattoo someone without permission if they’re under 18. No word on what the tattoo was, although “I Love Grandpa” seems unlikely.
• Dec. 19: Police responded at noon to a disturbance in the 300 lock of Quintana. Logs indicated someone apparently needed a mental health day or three.
• Dec. 19: Police contacted a suspicious fellow, 27, at 12:55 p.m. in the 500 block of Quintana who had quite a pair of bench warrants.
• Dec. 18: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 12:32 p.m. at South Bay and Quintana. The 41-year-old citizen of the year was arrested for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and six outstanding warrants.
• Dec. 18: Police responded at 11 a.m. to the 300 block of Kodiak, as some poor soul has passed away.
• Dec. 18: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11:26 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the 37-year-old repeat customer was arrested for suspicion of shoplifting, obstructing/evading police, a felony warrant, and probation violation, a case of some people never learn.
• Dec. 16: Police contacted a suspicious man at 3:23 p.m. in the 300 block of Yerba Buena. Logs indicated the palooka, 34, was arrested for suspicion of battery.
• Dec. 15: Someone in the area of Embarcadero and Coleman Drive turned in a phone and solar panel that they apparently found.
• Dec. 15: Police responded at 8 p.m. to Embarcadero and Coleman for a car crash. Sorry, we’ve no horrific injuries to report.
• Dec. 15: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:25 p.m. at Embarcadero and Coleman, an apparent hot spot for nefarious activity in recent days. Logs indicated the 24-year-old driver was arrested for suspicion of driving on a toot. Logs indicated he was hauled to the police station but was released into the custody of a sober, responsible adult.
• Dec. 13: Police towed off two parked vehicles from the 900 block of Allesandro because the DMV beast hadn’t been fed in over 6 months.
• Dec. 12: Police contacted a suspicious character at 9:48 p.m. in the 900 block of Allesandro. The 38-year-old scarecrow had one felony warrant and 10 misdemeanor warrants, and Toto was off to see the wizard.
• Dec. 12: Police contacted a familiar female at 8 a.m. at Main and San Jacinto. The 59-year old only had one measly bench warrant and so was cited and released.
• Dec. 11: In the 1700 block of Embarcadero, police towed off a motorcycle just because the registration wasn’t paid up. They also towed away a vehicle from the 900 block of Pacific for the same persnickety reason.
• Dec. 11: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 10 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The 44-year-old slacker had a bench warrant and was cited and let go.
• Dec. 10: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at the suspect time of 2:49 a.m. in the 800 block of Embarcadero. The sneaky sneak tried to sneak by with a pair of bench warrants, but police had a sneaking suspicion and he went to the hoosegow.
• Dec. 9: At 12:20 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana Pl., police got into an apparent car chase with a driver who no doubt wasn’t much impressed by the pretty red and blue lights. Logs indicated he or she was ticketed for suspicion of reckless driving, evading and giving a fake name.
• Dec. 8: Police were called at 10:47 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2100 block of Seaview. Logs indicated a 35-year-old lady was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence and chilled out in the cooler.
• Dec. 8: Police were called at 1 p.m. to the 900 block of Allesandro for a reported prowler lurking about. A crime report for suspected vagrancy was started.
• Dec. 8: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 11:17 a.m. at the Creekbed Estates in the 700 block of Quintana. The scofflaw had bench warrants, which warranted banishment to the Tower.
• Dec. 8: Police contacted a couple of suspicious men at 11 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Both naturally, had three bench warrants — one got hauled off to County Jail and the other was cited and released to apparently catch another day.
• Dec. 8: Someone found some items somewhere in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., thought for some reason by somebody to have been stolen sometime prior.
• Dec. 7: Police responded to City Park on Harbor Street where a citizen said some apparently maniacal ruffian assaulted him.
• Dec. 7: Police responded at 10:49 a.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., for a disturbing fellow causing a ruckus. Logs indicated the tortured soul was taken in for a 72-hour timeout.
• Dec. 6: Police contacted a swizzle stick stirring things up in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., at 8:45 p.m. Logs indicated the 36-year-old chap was arrested for resisting arrest and drunk and disorderly, which might explain a lot.
• Dec. 6: At 4 p.m. police logged a report that a missing person had been located, apparently safe.
• Dec. 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 1:08 a.m. in the 900 block of Pacific. Logs indicated the driver, 38, was cited for driving on a suspended license, a hanging offense in some parts.
• Dec. 5: Under the heading “Having a bad night…” At 1:48 a.m. at Main and the Boulevard, police stopped a suspicious vehicle. The 25-year old woman driver was arrested for suspicion of driving bent, as well as domestic battery on a spouse or cohabitant. She was hauled off to the hoosegow, putting her out of our misery for now.
• Dec. 5: At 2:09 a.m., well past the decent folks’ curfew, police contacted a suspicious fellow traipsing along at Main and the Boulevard. Logs indicated the 45-year-old devotee of Bacchus was arrested for suspicion of being too drunk not to arrest.
• Dec. 3: At 2:41 p.m. in the 800 block of MBB, police contacted a regular customer, 49, with warrants. She was given another disappearance ticket and set free again.