• Oct. 9: Police espied a suspicious subject at 11:22 p.m. at Auto Zone in the 400 block of Quintana. The 42-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and paraphernalia but not for being lubed.
• Oct. 9: Police were cruising through the 2800 block of Main at 12:26 p.m. when they spotted a woman runnin’ in the road. The 38-year-old roadrunner was beep-beeped for suspicion of being bombed. It was her second run-in with police in three days. On Oct. 6 at 6:36 a.m. she was nicked in the same area for suspicion of disorderly conduct and of course, resisting arrest, which she should be used to by now.
• Oct. 9: Police responded at 11:46 a.m. to a report of a deceased person at a motel in the 1000 block of Market.
• Oct. 8: Police responded to a domestic dustup at 12:49 p.m. in the 400 block of Napa. A restraining order was reportedly violated, no doubt once again.
• Oct. 8: Police contacted a familiar squit at 4 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana. The 30-year-old apparent bail jumper was arrested on five bench warrants, a possible case of enough is enough.
• Oct. 7: Police caught up to a 30-year-old apparently rotten egg at 12:46 p.m. in the 1300 block of Main. Humpty Dumpty had five bench warrants, and officers allegedly found him in possession of suspected illegal drugs and paraphernalia, so he had a great fall.
• Oct. 6: Police responded at 8:25 p.m. to Rite Aid in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated two, unknown, sticky-fingered women stole $1,001.55 worth of merchandise. No word on what Rite Aid sells that costs that much.
• Oct. 6: At 4:12 p.m. police contacted a 50-year-old guy in City Park in the 700 block of Harbor. He only had one bench warrant and so was issued a new court date to miss.
• Oct. 6: Police responded at 11:40 a.m. to Morro Palms MHP in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., to investigate a possible murder-suicide.
• Oct. 6: Police stopped a suspicious car at the suspect time of 1:18 a.m. in the danger zone at Main and Shasta. A 42-year-old fellow was nicked for suspicion of driving pie-eyed. He was released to a sober adult and spared the Hwy 1 walk of shame.
• Oct. 5: Police responded to a reported car burglary at 2:35 p.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. The dirty thief stole a credit card. A few hours earlier they’d taken another car burglary report up the street in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd.
• Oct. 4: Police responded to the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., for a reported case of fraud. No word on the loss, and police reportedly haven’t a clue in the case.
• Oct. 4: Police responded at 3 p.m. to Del Mar School for a fender-bender. No injuries were reported, but it was no doubt the talk of the school.
• Oct. 4: Someone turned in to police several boxes of ammunition slated for destruction.
• Oct. 4: Police responded at 10:14 a.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where they encountered someone pitching a fit. They were put into a 72-hour timeout as a danger to themselves or others.
• Oct. 3: Police responded to a disturbance at 8 p.m. in the 1300 block of Prescott. A 57-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of being out of her tree.
• Oct. 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3:20 p.m. at Quintana and South Bay. A 35-year-old fellow was allegedly driving on a toot and got took to jail.
• Oct. 3: Police took another car burglary report in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., as apparently there’s a skunk in the henhouse.
• Oct. 2: Police contacted a real smooth operator at 11 p.m. at Morro Bay Boulevard and Monterey. The 29-year-old dingus had a bench warrant and when searched, he got nicked for suspicion of possession of illegal drugs, in this week’s example of why they call it dope.
• Oct. 2: Police responded at 4:21 p.m. to the 200 block of Main for a grand theft report. No word on what earthly treasure was pilfered.
• Oct. 2: Police responded to a disturbance at 3:21 a.m. in the 1000 block of Main. Logs indicated it was a boyfriend vs. girlfriend kerfuffle with the battleaxe the apparent aggressor. The Bickersons were separated for the night and a report was sent to the District Attorney for possible inaction.
• Oct. 1: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4:12 p.m. on MBB at Bernardo. Logs indicated the driver, 27, was cited for a suspended license. He was sentenced to the DMV, a fate worse than death.
• Oct. 1: At 2:40 p.m. police stopped yet another suspicious vehicle in the 1300 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 55, was tossed into the clink for suspicion of driving crunked and possession of drugs.
• Sept. 30: Police contacted some nefarious fellow in Lila Keiser Park at 3 p.m. The 36-year-old humanicus dooficus had two bench warrants and alleged possession of a crack pipe, and got booked into the Parkinson Plaza.
• Sept. 30: Police contacted three more scofflaws at 1:44 p.m. in the 400 block of Quintana in the Creek Bed Estates. The three stooges — a 46-year-old woman and two men, 29 and 22 — each had their own unique legal issues. The first man, 29, had three bench warrants and of course was issued a fourth citation to ignore. The second fellow, 22, had a felony warrant and two bench warrants and police allegedly also found a crack pipe and drugs on him, so he went to the hoosegow. The woman had three bench warrants but was cited and released to continue ridin’ on the highway to hell.
• Sept. 30: At 1 p.m. in the 1500 block of Main, police towed off a car whose registration expired at least six months ago. Another lazybones vehicle in the 300 bock of Atascadero Rd., was towed for the same hanging offense.
• Sept. 30: Police received a report of suspected child abuse in the 500 block of Estero. No further details were available.
• Sept. 29: A citizen in the 2300 block of Ironwood reported a case of fraud. No leads as to the identity of the dirty rotten scoundrel.
• Sept. 29: Police responded at 3:45 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2700 block of Koa, where some unhappy camper, 48, was nicked for allegedly being smoked on drugs.
• Sept. 29: Someone turned in a briefcase they found somewhere in town. No word on which Double-O I.Q. spy lost it.
• Sept. 28: In the 300 block of Embarcadero police took a report that some scalawag vandalized a cable lock and stole the motor off a man’s dinghy.
• Sept. 28: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 1:12 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the apparent swagman, 37, had three bench warrants and got thrown into the dungeon.
• Sept. 28: Police responded at 10:34 a.m. to the 900 block of Pacific where some mulish bonehead violated a stay-the-hell-away court order. Earlier, at 8:34, in the 400 block of Napa, another sinister fellow violated a restraining order. Police will turn the fellows over to the D.A.
• Sept. 28: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 33, at 3 a.m. hanging around Albertson’s Market in the 700 block of Quintana. She of course had three bench warrants and despite it all was issued a fourth disappearance ticket and disappeared into the night.
• Sept. 27: Police responded at 7:54 p.m. to The Rock parking lot for a report of several ruffians fighting. Police apparently broke it up and will file a report for assault with the D.A., but no word on who zoomed who.
• Sept. 26: Police took a vandalism report in the 2800 block of Hemlock.
• Sept. 26: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:38 a.m. in the 900 block of Pacific. A juvenile was given a 72-hour timeout with County Mental Health.
• Sept. 26: Another offensive vehicle was towed from the 1000 block of Monterey for violating the City’s parking-in-one-place too long law.
• Sept. 26: At 9 a.m. police contacted a regular customer in the 100 block of Atascadero Rd. The lady scofflaw, 38, was hauled in for a bench warrant.