• Dec. 3: Police responded to a disturbance at 9:30 p.m. in the 800 block of Morro. Logs indicated the source of the ado was discovered to be a 40-year-old ululating woman who was nicked for suspicion of being raucous in public.
• Dec. 3: Police responded to a disturbance at 7:12 p.m. in City Park in the 700 block of Harbor. Logs indicated the source of the kerfuffle was a 66-year-old intoxicated apparent humanicus dooficus who was taken to jail for her own good.
• Dec. 3: Police were called at 12:51 a.m. to a disturbance in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. A 58-year-old was hit with the grand slam — suspicion of domestic violence, violating a stay-the-hell-away order, false imprisonment, preventing wireless communications, and elder abuse. He was taken to the hospital for evaluation before being thrown into the dungeon with the rest of the sinners.
• Dec. 3: Police espied a swizzle stick outside Bottle Liquor in the 900 block of Main St., at 12:25 a.m. Logs indicated the 56-year-old borracho was arrested for suspicion of being too soused to remain in decent society.
• Dec. 2: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 9:06 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the scofflaw had three bench warrants and was issued another disappearance ticket and let go.
• Dec. 2: Police responded at 8:47 p.m. to the 400 block of Quintana where logs said a man was outside Dollar Tree Store possibly doing drugs. Logs indicated the dingle berry, 28, was cited for alleged possession of illegal drugs, in this week’s example of why they call it dope.
• Dec. 2: At 11:32 a.m. police received an anonymous 9-1-1 call from a woman “stating there was a bomb at the Morro Bay Community Center,” which seems like a waste of a perfectly good bomb. The place was searched but no bomb was found, and since the community center didn’t explode, the bomb threat was apparently a dud.
• Dec. 2: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 1:56 a.m. lurking around the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the 22-year-old apparent night owl had three bench warrants and was issued a future fourth and released back into the wild.
• Dec. 2: Police contacted another suspicious woman at 1:38 a.m. in the 500 block of Quintana who also had a bench warrant out of Kings County and she too was cited and released, a case of the juice not being worth the squeeze.
• Dec. 2: Police contacted a pair of suspicious fellows, 39 and 58-years old, at 12:53 a.m. in the 900 block of Main. They too were wanted fugitives, one with four warrants and the other two. They were cited and released to await re-capture.
• Dec. 1: Police responded at 1:16 p.m. to the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., after two sticky-fingered apparent customers took advantage of a help-yourself aisle and shoplifted items from Miner’s Hardware.
• Dec. 1: Police responded at 11:27 a.m. to a home in the 2400 block of Ironwood passed away.
• Dec. 1: Police responded lights and sirens to The Siren Saloon in the 900 block of Main where some apparently unwelcomed barfly was buzzing around. Logs indicated a 48-year-old woman was nicked for suspicion of the heinous act of trespassing, in a bar no less. This same model citizen on Nov. 30 at 2:40 a.m. in the 1000 block of Las Tunas, was arrested for suspicion of being stoned on drugs. Also, on Nov., 27 at 7:55 p.m. she was stopped by police in the 1700 block of Main and arrested for suspicion of drunk walking.
• Nov. 29: Police responded to the 5400 block of Esplanada Ave., for a report of a missing or run-away hooligan.
• Nov. 29: Police towed off an offensive vehicle from the 900 block of Allesandro because the DMV hadn’t gotten its pound of flesh in over 6 months.
• Nov. 29: Police responded at 2:55 p.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., where graffidiots had left their mark on the teen center.
• Nov. 28: Police responded at 9:20 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2500 block of Greenwood. Logs indicated a 46-year-old bent fellow was nicked for suspicion of being drunk and disorderly and multiple bench warrants. He was taken for treatment of a case of cranial-rectal inversion disease in the County B&B.
• Nov. 28: Police responded at 12:17 p.m. to a report of a dog biting juveniles in the 1200 block of Clarabelle Dr. Police will investigate as it was apparently more bite than bark.
• Nov. 27: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle for a code violation at 11:56 p.m. at Dunes and Market. Logs said they could only get the 41-year-old driver on a suspended license, an apparent case when tee-totaling paid off.
• Nov. 27: Police responded at 3:33 p.m. to a traffic crash in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. No injuries, nor bloody and gory details were released.
• Nov. 27: Someone turned in some ammunition they were aiming to get rid of.
• Nov. 25: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:54 p.m. cruisin’ ‘round the roundabout at Quintana and Morro Bay Boulevard. Logs indicated the driver, 54, was nicked for suspicion of being a tad under the weather and a bit over the limit, and booked into the County B&B to sleep it off.
• Nov. 25: Some thieving bilge rat stole a wetsuit in the 1100 block of Front St.
• Nov. 25: Police responded at 7:41 a.m. to a disturbance in the 2400 block of Ironwood. Logs indicated a 37-year-old battleaxe was arrested for suspicion of domestic battery and simple assault, in a case that’s no doubt complicated.
• Nov. 24: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7:40 p.m. in the area of Beach and Main. Logs indicated a 47-year-old woman driver was arrested for suspicion of driving spun on a suspended license, and tossed into the hoosegow for a no doubt restful nappy.
• Nov. 24: Police responded at 11:20 a.m. to a disturbance in the 900 block of Pacific. Logs indicated a juvenile was suffering a bout of vapors and was taken for a 72-hour timeout at County Mental Health.
• Nov. 24: Police responded at 1 p.m. to the 300 block of Kern. An elderly woman told police that an “un-allowed tenant of hers caused her to suffer pain and suffering,” and police filed an incident report, so he’s in trouble now.
• Nov. 23: At 8:20 p.m. police contacted a regular customer, 37, at Las Tunas and Quintana. She had multiple bench warrants and earned a trip to County La-La-Land.
• Nov. 23: Police responded to a disturbance at 10 a.m. in the 2600 block of Main. Logs indicated the disturbance was tracked to a disturbed woman, 48, who was arrested for suspicion of being schwasted on drugs, which explains a lot.
• Nov. 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 12:03 a.m. on Hwy 1 at Easter St. The 23-year-old woman driver was nicked for suspicion of driving thick.
• Nov. 22: Police responded at 12:08 a.m. to a home in the 2600 block of Juniper for an attempted burglary report, as the gang that couldn’t shoot straight rides again!
• Nov. 21: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:20 p.m. in the 900 block of Allesandro. Logs indicated they cite/released the 38-year-old driver for a suspended license, a hanging offense in this state.
• Nov. 20: Police responded to the 1100 block of Quintana for a reported vandalism to a vehicle and a task force will no doubt be formed to hunt the vandalasses responsible.
• Nov. 20: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time of 11:30 p.m. in the 1700 block of Main, also known as “DUI alley.” The 34-year-old fellow driving had a suspended license and apparently failed miserably a roadside sobriety test too, and was hauled off to the lockup for his crimes against humility.