• Feb. 18: Police towed away an apparently offensive vehicle from the 300 block of Surf for the unforgivable offense of an expired registration, and who says the death penalty is dead in California?
• Feb. 17: Police contacted a suspicious man at 11:25 p.m. in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Officers re-cited the 43-year-old fugitive for an out-of-county warrant and released him.
• Feb. 17: Yet another anarchistic vehicle was towed away to feed the DMV beast, this time from the 900 block of Quintana.
• Feb. 17: Police responded at 2 p.m. to a business in the 700 block of Quintana for a reported case of ATM machine fraud, as the Nigerian prince strikes again.
• Feb. 17: Police responded at 9 a.m. to the 700 block of Quintana where two cars went badda-bing, badda bam. No injuries reported.
• Feb. 16: Police responded to the 400 block of Yerba Buena for a disturbance. Logs indicated a 17-year-old juvenile was pitching a fit inside his home and “being uncontrollable from guardians.” The apparent miscreant was arrested and charged with suspicion of disturbing the peace and being an out of control little yob.
• Feb. 15: Police responded to the 1700 block of Main to deal with three encampments in or thereabouts at Morro Creek deemed within 200-feet of “critical infrastructure,” according to logs, in one of the early crackdowns with the town’s new muni code ban on outdoor living. No word on where they’re supposed to pitch their yurts now.
• Feb. 15: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 12:23 a.m. in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. The 39-year-old artful dodger had five bench warrants but just when you thought he’d be off to the gaol, officers cited and released him.
• Feb. 14: Police espied a suspicious woman traipsing about at 7:45 p.m. at Main and Quintana. Logs indicated the 66-year-old reveler was allegedly schwasted on hooch and unable to care for herself, so — for her own good — she was taken to the County B&B to sleep it off, a fine Happy Valentine’s Day to you too.
• Feb. 14: Someone turned in a surfboard they found washed up on Toro Lane.
• Feb. 13: Police responded at 11:17 p.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., for a disturbance. Logs indicated a 29-year-old woman got pipped at the post for suspicion of being juiced.
• Feb. 13: Police arrested a 42-year-old apparent nillionaire at 7:37 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana for suspicion of battery. No word on whom got zoomed.
• Feb. 13: Police responded at 11:39 a.m. to Main and Rennel where someone found a threatening note affixed to a vandalized car, no doubt left by some vengeful scamboogah.
• Feb. 13: Police responded to the 200 block of Surf for a report of a vandalized gate. Logs indicated it might be connected to a prowler who’d been seen there.
• Feb. 13: Police responded at 11 a.m. to a disturbance in the 1700 block of Main. Logs indicated they apparently contacted a 35-year-old ruffian who they charged with suspicion of resisting arrest; battery on a police officer; assault on a police officer with a deadly weapon; possession of fake ID; and possession of a crack pipe, which explains a lot.
• Feb. 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle in the 1500 block of Main, a.k.a. Citation Alley, at 11:40 p.m. The 41-year-old man driving had a bench warrant and a suspended license, which warranted a ride to the iron bar hotel.
• Feb. 12: Police responded at 4:15 p.m. to a disturbance in the 800 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated a 31-year-old woman was arrested for allegedly resisting arrest, vandalism, and battery against a police officer, who apparently were having a tough week. The apparent hellcat was tossed into the dungeon.
• Feb. 12: Police responded to the 500 block of Quintana where someone had passed away.
• Feb. 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2 p.m. in the 800 block of Main, pulling them over outside Legend’s Tavern. The 38-year-old woman driver was nicked for suspicion of driving thick and not to be left out, her 35-year-old apparent passenger was hooked up for suspicion of being drunk in public, as the inside of a car is apparently now public space.
• Feb. 12: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 8:48 a.m. in the 1000 block of Kennedy Way and arrested him for three bench warrants. In a possibly unrelated matter, at 11:39 a.m. they returned to the area where some sinner’s sinful burglary of St. Timothy’s Catholic Church had been uncovered. Police didn’t list an arrest and are presumably investigating, though you-know-who already knows who done it.
• Feb. 11: Police contacted some twisted sister at 1:40 p.m. at an undisclosed location in town. Logs indicated the 52-year-old apparently stultified lady was arrested for suspicion of having an open container of alcohol and drunk and disorderly conduct, for, as Confucius never said, “Nail that sticks out, gets hammered.”
• Feb. 11: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 34, lurking about at 12:15 a.m. at the Community Center. Logs indicated she had five bench warrants and was at last made to answer for this bit of nincompoopery.
• Feb. 10: Police were called at noon to investigate a man reportedly camping underneath a highway bridge in violation of the City’s sleeping where we can’t collect a tax law. The apparent troll was no doubt given a stern talking to.
• Feb. 10: Police contacted a 37-year-old familiar foe at 11:13 a.m. somewhere in town. The scofflaw was nicked for “several outstanding warrants,” and apparently taken to the Kansas Avenue Inn.
• Feb. 10: Police responded at 12:48 a.m. to a report of an out-of-control person at an undisclosed location in town. A 51-50 report was written for County Mental Health.
• Feb. 9: Police responded to a domestic disturbance at 6:37 p.m. at yet another undisclosed location in town. Logs indicated the call involved inflicting corporal punishment on a spouse or cohabitant.
• Feb. 9: Police responded at 2:13 p.m. to a business in town where a female employee accused the business owner of battery.
• Feb. 9: At 11 a.m. police pulled over a suspicious vehicle at an undisclosed location presumably in town. The driver, 25, had a suspended license — the result of a DUI — plus a handful of bench warrants and he got a free ride to the lockup.
• Feb. 8: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:13 p.m. somewhere in town. Logs indicated the woman driver, 29, was arrested for suspicion of driving smashed while on probation for driving spanked, a possible disruption in the space-time continuum.
• Feb. 8: Police were called at 5:30 p.m. to a local business after some apparent critic stole two art pieces. No word on what the masterpieces were valued at.
• Feb. 8: Police stopped another regular customer driving at 2 p.m. in town. Logs indicated he had a bench warrant, plus his car registration was expired and so he got a room without a view at the County Jail.
• Feb. 8: Police responded to a disturbance at 10:43 a.m. somewhere in town and started a report on a fellow deemed a potential danger to himself and more importantly, to others.
• Feb. 7: Police contacted a suspicious dude at 1:23 p.m. The 42-year-old squit had three bench warrants and was taken to jail.
• Feb. 6: At 10:12 a.m. police towed away a 2003 Chevy Silverado truck that was illegally parked in a City right of way and had an expired registration, a hanging offense in this State.
• Feb. 5: At 8:07 a.m. police came across a suspicious apparent bad girl, 37, who turned out to be in violation of her parole terms, and also had a misdemeanor warrant. She got checked into the plush, zero-star, Parkinson Plaza, for three-hots and a cot.