• Feb. 27: Police responded to a suspicious subject call at 7:23 p.m. in the 1000 block of Main. Logs indicated a 55-year-old man was having a bad day and taken to French Hospital for a 72-hour mental health timeout.
• Feb. 27: Police contacted a suspicious man at 9:50 p.m. in the 500 block of Main. Logs indicated a 25-year-old apparent snot waffle was cited and released for suspicion of misdemeanor vandalism. No word on whether he was a tool of destruction or simply a graffidiot.
• Feb. 27: Police responded at 8:10 p.m. to a reported assault in the 2600 block of Main. Logs indicated they spoke with an apparently gobsmacked victim but he or she had no suspect information or leads.
• Feb. 27: Police contacted a familiar fellow at 4:12 p.m. at the police station who was apparently seeking to clear up a warrant. Logs indicated they cited and released him with a new, solemn promise to appear.
• Feb. 27: Police responded at 8 a.m. to a store in the 900 block of Main where an apparently unwelcomed pest had returned. The 55-year-old fellow was cited and released for suspicion of “interfering with a business.”
• Feb. 27: Police responded at 6:44 a.m. to the 700 block of Quintana where a citizen said his or her bicycle was stolen from McDonalds, leaving them no doubt a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
• Feb. 27: Police responded at 6:44 a.m. to The Siren in the 900 block of Main. Some counterfeiting fraud passed five counterfeit $100 bills during what must no doubt have been an epic night of revelry and debauchery.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at noon to a store in the 500 block of Quintana. A 41-year-old sticky-fingered mulish woman was cited and released for suspicion of shoplifting and trespassing.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at 12:45 a.m. to the 1800 block of Sunset for a disturbance. A 57-year-old louse was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence.
• Feb. 25: Police recovered a stolen trailer in the 1800 block of Main, and the caze is sol-ved.
• Feb. 25: There was another traffic crash at 9:25 a.m. at the Roundabout at Quintana and Morro Bay Boulevard.
• Feb. 24: At 1 p.m. someone reported a reckless driver in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. No arrest was made.
• Feb. 24: A citizen in the 1600 block of Nagano Rd., reported someone sailed off with the license plate off his boat trailer.
• Feb. 24: Police responded at 9:35 a.m. to a home in the 500 block of Anchor for a reported theft. Logs indicated it was a “Non consensual distribution of a sexually explicit video.”
• Feb. 23: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:11 p.m. in the 400 block of Jamaica. Logs indicated a 40-year-old Mamaluke was nicked for suspicion of getting deep in his cups.
• Feb. 23: Police responded to the 2600 block of Elm for an uncivil dispute. Logs indicated a citizen produced a sale receipt for a car that the seller apparently claimed was stolen.
• Feb. 23: Police responded at 1:39 a.m. to the 500 block of Main where they arrested a 35-year-old fellow for suspicion of being schwacked on drugs. Then at 3:10 p.m. there was a disturbance in the 700 block of Quintana. The same stinky fellow was arrested for allegedly being lathered up on bath salts, in no doubt another fine example of the benefits of bail reform.
• Feb. 22: Police cited a familiar woman, 39, at 9:35 p.m. at the police station who had a warrant, as sometimes they just jump into the boat.
• Feb. 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5:13 p.m. on Hwy 1 at Toro Creek Rd. Logs indicated the 53-year-old reprobationer was nicked for suspicion of possessing methamphetamine for sale and a probation violation.
• Feb. 22: Police contacted a familiar foe at 5:30 p.m. outside the police station who had a bench warrant. The little fish was issued another useless ticket and released to catch again another day.
• Feb. 22: Someone stole mail out of a mailbox in the 300 block of Main.
• Feb. 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3:20 p.m. on Hwy 1 at Main. Logs indicated they arrested a 27-year-old apparent master criminal who allegedly attempted to steal a car “during a vehicle pursuit.”
• Feb. 22: Police responded at 1:55 p.m. to a disturbance at an apartment complex in the 700 block of MBB. Logs indicated a 58-year-old ruffian was arrested for suspicion of battery.
• Feb. 22: Police detained and committed a juvenile in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., for a 72-hour timeout.
• Feb. 21: Police responded at 11:30 p.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 800 block of Monterey. Logs indicated they arrested an 18-year-old apparent maniac for suspicion of domestic violence with injury.
• Feb. 21: Police contacted a regular customer at 9:30 p.m. in the 200 block of MBB. She had a bench warrant and was given another citation to ignore and released.
• Feb. 21: Police responded at 6:46 p.m. to the 400 block of Yerba Buena for a runaway juvenile report. They made note of it and no doubt promised to bring the lad or lassie home when they rounded them up.
• Feb. 20: The alarm went off at 10:07 p.m. at Morro Bay High School, when most good little hooligans are home in bed.
• Feb. 20: Police responded at 11:30 a.m. to the Inn at Morro Bay where some scalawag damaged an innocent parked car.
• Feb. 20: Police responded at 6:44 a.m. to a disturbance in the 600 block of Napa. Logs indicated a 72-year-old woman was suffering a bit of the vapors and was taken to Sierra Vista for a 72-hour timeout.
• Feb. 20: Police responded at 1:37 a.m. to The Siren in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated it was a petty theft at the heart of this kerfluffle.
• Feb. 19: Police responded at 10:52 p.m. to a disturbance at South Bay Boulevard and State Park Road. A 44-year-old squit was arrested for suspicion of being schmammered in public, which no doubt left him pipped at the post.
• Feb. 20: Police responded at 8:50 p.m. to Albertson’s Market on Quintana where they arrested a 29-year-old Jackanapes for suspicion of trespassing.
• Feb. 19: At 11:51 a.m. at Hwy 1 and San Jacinto, police arrested a 31-year-old fooliot for suspicion of resisting arrest.
• Feb. 18: Police responded at 8:25 p.m. to a motel in the 700 block of Market where a guest said someone forced his way into their room and stole some undisclosed treasures.
• Feb. 18: Police took a report of a runaway/missing juvenile delinquent, no word on whether they returned.
• Feb. 17: Police responded at 12:45 p.m. to a traffic collision at the infamous Roundabout, in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. No juicy details on injuries were given.
• Feb. 17: Police contacted a familiar fellow at 11 a.m. in the 2600 block of Main. The scofflaw had a bench warrant, was issued a second disappearance ticket and released to catch another day.
• Feb. 16: Police contacted another model citizen at 8:25 p.m. in the 500 block of Main. The 37-year-old fellow reportedly gave police a false name when asked, and got cited when they discovered the zhlub had a warrant under his real name, which explains his loose affiliation with the truth. At 6:35 p.m. in the 1500 block of Quintana, they arrested another bail jumper, 42, with a warrant.
• Feb. 16: A citizen at the Cloisters Park said his or her bike was stolen by some unknown scamboogah.
• Feb. 16: Police responded at 7:35 a.m. to the Maritime Museum where some feculent nillionaire vandalized the donation box.
• Feb. 15: At 6:46 a.m., there was a reported burglary at the high school, as some sneak thief stole stuff and damaged property. And, another bicycle was reported stolen from the high school later that day.
• Feb. 14: Police responded at 6:12 p.m. to Dunbar St., where a troubled juvenile was having an apparent conniption.
• Feb. 14: Police responded to the 1200 block of Embarcadero for a reported vandalism. The logs indicated there were no suspects and likely the mystery will never be solved.