• Feb. 21: Someone found something somewhere in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. and gave it to police.
• Feb. 21: Police responded at 6:46 p.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Surf. They contacted a 40-year-old Bacchanalian apparently going wooley-booger who also had a bench warrant, which is why you don’t take a joint from a guy named Don.
• Feb. 21: At 1:13 p.m. police discovered a man lying in the roadway at an undisclosed location. They no doubt feared the guy was dead, and apparently he was — dead drunk, that is. He was arrested for suspicion of being too fit-shaced to care for himself and taken to the County sober living facility.
• Feb. 19: A woman told police that she received a summons “for a traffic collision that occurred in Morro Bay on January 1, 2019,” according to logs. Trouble was she was never in a traffic collision, but the summons claimed she was being sued for “in excess of $100,000 for injuries and damages.”
• Feb. 20: Someone reported a case of domestic violence.
• Feb. 20: Someone reported a traffic collision at 2:41 p.m. in the 500 block of the Main Street Raceway.
• Feb. 19: Police contacted a 35-year-old scofflaw with multiple warrants at 8:30 a.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated the felonious fellow was allegedly discovered with a stash of illegal drugs and paraphernalia adding considerably to his woes.
• Feb. 18: Police responded to a disorderly conduct at 8:42 p.m. in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd. They contacted a 46-year-old greased fellow and arrested him for getting oiled in public.
• Feb. 18: Police responded at 11:21 a.m. to Spencer’s Market on North Main where some scruffy Philistine was acting up. The 39-year-old tankard was allegedly drunk and got hauled to the hoosegow.
• Feb. 18: Police contacted a familiar woman at 11:30 a.m. in the 2900 block of Alder who had a bench warrant. She was issued another disappearance ticket and released.
• Feb. 17: Police took a report of suspected child abuse.
• Feb. 18: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 3:34 a.m. in Lila Keiser Park. The 50-year-old was cited for a probation violation — possession of the silly weed — and released, no doubt a real buzz kill.
• Feb. 17: Police responded at 7 p.m. to the 2600 block of Main for a disturbance. A 39-year-old fellow was a bit blindo and too drunk to be left in care for himself.
• Feb. 17: Police responded at 4:46 p.m. to a report of people doing drugs outside Albertson’s on Quintana. Logs indicated the apparent husband was on parole and so police apprehended him with charges of allegedly being high on methamphetamine, and possession of meth. His apparent wife was nicked for suspicion of being UTI on meth and possession of a glass crack pipe.
• Feb. 17: Police responded at 3:25 p.m. to Lila Keiser Park for a suspicious activity call. They nabbed a model citizen for suspicion of possessing meth. He was bagged and tagged and released back into the wild.
• Feb. 17: Police responded to an illegal parking complaint on Alder Avenue. Logs indicated they tagged the offensive vehicle and had it towed to the impound yard.
• Feb. 17: And in another case of getting DMV’d, someone stole the license plate off a GMC Yukon parked at the high school.
• Feb. 16: A local bounder had a pair of run-ins with the law on the same day. According to logs, police responded at 9:21 a.m. to an assault report in the 1200 block of Main. A 34-year-old man was arrested for suspicion of petty theft, battery and obstructing police. However, “The jail would not accept [suspect] for booking despite the PC 148 charge,” logs said. So the ruffian was cited and released. Naturally, his ordeal wasn’t much of a discouragement, as at 8:10 p.m. the same ne’er-do-well was back. This time he was arrested for suspicion of burglary, elder abuse and stalking. Logs indicated he was taken to the hospital for treatment and then to County Jail where they took him in this time.
• Feb. 16: A catalytic converter was reportedly stolen off a parked car in the 500 block of Monterey.
• Feb. 16: Police responded at 9:05 p.m. to a reported assault in the 2600 block of Main. A woman told police that her louse boyfriend “punched her in the face and head.”
• Feb. 16: Police responded to a reported assault at 8 p.m. in the 700 block of Butte. A 62-year-old battleaxe was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence — corporal injury to a spouse or cohabitant.
• Feb. 16: Someone broke into an apartment building’s laundry room in the 3200 block of Main. The master criminal damaged a coin-operated washer and no doubt stole a virtual fortune — all in quarters.
• Feb. 16: Police responded at 12:20 p.m. to a trespassing call in the 400 block of Shasta. Police discovered a guy passed out drunk and allegedly schwacked on drugs with a crack pipe in his pocket. The apparent squatter was arrested.
• Feb. 15: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:35 p.m. on Main at Surf. A 23-year-old woman was nicked for suspicion of driving with beer goggles on.
• Feb. 15: Someone at the high school reported damage to a fence and items being stolen and, “Thunderation!” police have no clues in the case.
• Feb. 15: The first of what promises to be many vehicles was towed from the posted construction site in the 900 block of Quintana.
• Feb. 13: Police responded at 9:49 p.m. to the 400 block of Rennel St., for a report of someone shooting at an inhabited dwelling, in what police said was an actual drive-by shooting. A day later, they tracked the scoundrel down in Atascadero where the maniac, who recently moved to A-town from Arizona, was arrested.
• Feb. 13: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4:55 p.m. on Hwy 1 at Morro Bay Boulevard for some no doubt trumped-up charge. The driver, 37, had a felony warrant out of Tulare County and became the latest visitor to arrive on vacation and leave on probation.
• Feb. 13: Police responded to the 600 block of Shasta where some daring rapscallion stole the catalytic converter off a Honda Element, stealing the car itself apparently not worth the effort. Another citizen in the 2700 block of Greenwood said the catalytic converter off his or her car was also stolen.
• Feb. 13: Police contacted a familiar fellow, 28, in City Park at 1:45 p.m. and arrested the snot waffle for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and a crack pipe.
• Feb. 13: Police stopped a suspicious car at the suspect time of 2:31 a.m. on the Embarcadero. The driver, 23, had a suspended license and four bench warrants. Naturally, he was cited and released but his car was impounded, no doubt ensuring the vehicle shows up for court.
• Feb. 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:47 p.m. on Atascadero Road. Logs indicated the lady driver, 26, was nicked for driving bombed. She was taken to the stationhouse, cited and released and could no doubt use a cocktail right about now.
• Feb. 12: A citizen in the 500 block of Avalon said some thievin’ bilge rat stole the catalytic converter off their Toyota Prius. Another Prius owner, in the 600 block of Estero, had their catalytic converter (CC for short), stolen too.
• Feb. 11: Police stopped a suspicious fellow at 9:30 p.m. in the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd. At about the same time, police responded to a motel in the 600 block of Main where some freeloader defrauded an innkeeper. The suspicious fellow was determined to have a felony warrant out of Shasta County and then was also fingered as the same swamp donkey that skipped out on his motel bill, a hanging offense in some tourist towns.
• Feb. 11: Police took a shoplifting report at Albertson’s, no word on if it was from the liquor department, located right by the exit.
• Feb. 11: The assault on innocent cars continued with stolen CCs reported in the 100 block of Bradley, 400 block of Fresno, 900 block of Marina, and the foiled attempt at stealing another CC in the 400 block of Luzon. The car on Fresno was another Prius, but logs didn’t list the makers or models of the others, but a Prius no doubt seems the way to bet.
• Feb. 11: Police responded to the 700 block of Quintana for a woman causing a disturbance. The hellcat, 56, had a warrant. She was cited and released with her next one.
• Feb. 11: A citizen in the 300 block of Kodiak said items had been stolen from Unit 12 at Coastal Storage. No word on when they last saw the items.
• Feb. 10: A citizen in the 500 block of LaJolla said some sneak thief got into her unlocked vehicle and stole her keys including a special, large, “L-shaped,” key. No word on what it unlocks; maybe it’s the key to her heart.
• Feb. 10: Police contacted a 48-year-old woman at 11:48 a.m. in the 600 block of Main. Logs indicated the all star was allegedly in possession of heroin, fentanyl, methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia. She also had a felony arrest warrant and got nicked like quick.
• Feb. 10: Police contacted a 60-year-old woman at 10:15 a.m. in the 800 block of Quintana for violating a stay-the-hell-away order and vandalism.
• Feb. 9: Police contacted a suspicious hombre at 10:23 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. The 50-year-old mulish fellow was in violation of probation and was cited and let go, no doubt under the new socialist catch-and-release policy.
• Feb. 9: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5:18 p.m. in the 900 block of MBB. Logs indicated the stop led to the identification of some suspects in an assault with a deadly weapon case — involving a paintball gun — and vandalism. No word on whether the misbegotten knaves were nicked.
• Feb. 9: Police took a report of someone getting bitten by some miserable mongrel in the 1700 block of Embarcadero, no doubt a case to sink your teeth into.
• Feb. 9: A citizen in the 3100 block of Tide said their handgun was stolen.
• Feb. 9: A woman on Ponderosa told police that she’d fallen for the ‘ol “your-son’s-been-arrested-and-needs-bail-money” trick, and got bilked out of $9,000, a scam whose days seem numbered with the no-cash bail movement.
• Feb. 9: A citizen in the 300 block of Jamaica said someone stole one of their checks and used it to make a bunch of fake checks.
• Feb. 9: A citizen turned in a black wallet they’d found on the beach below the North Point Natural Area at the end of Toro Lane.
• Feb. 8: Someone sent police a ransom note and some un-described image via facsimile machine. Logs didn’t give any further details, nor say why they still have a fax machine.