• March 3: Police responded to the 2500 block of Greenwood for a reported burglary. Logs indicated officers investigated but decided the call was “unfounded,” the alleged pinched booty apparently having been re-discovered.
• March 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:21 p.m. at Morro Bay Boulevard and Napa. Logs indicated the 28-year-old borracho driving was arrested for suspicion of driving deep in his cups.
• March 2: Police contacted a suspicious chap at 11:47 a.m. in the 800 block of MBB. The bond jumper had multiple warrants and got another slip of paper to ignore and was released.
• March 1: A local woman turned in a firearm that was her recently deceased stepfather’s.
• March 1: Someone reported to police a case of alleged domestic violence that happened outside the City, so they turned the information over to the County Sheriff, and they’re in trouble now.
• Feb. 29: Police were called to the 600 block of Bella Vista for a disturbance at 6:45 p.m. Logs indicated they contacted a rowdy fellow, 37, in the State Park on Black Hill, and arrested the bloke for suspicion of disorderly conduct, trespassing and drunk in public. The rapscallion was tossed into the clink to sleep it off.
• Feb. 29: Police responded to the 300 block of MBB and started an investigation into suspected check fraud.
• Feb. 29: At 10:48 a.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow in the 1800 block of Quintana. The 57-year-old apparent moonchild was cited for suspicion of possession of suspected drug paraphernalia, though his stash was apparently better well hidden.
• Feb. 29: Police contacted an outdoorsman, 65, at 9 a.m. who was allegedly illegally camping in the dunes near Coleman Drive and Embarcadero. The nillionaire had three felony warrants and is now camping at the iron bar hotel. At roughly the same time, they came across a man and woman apparently also living the outdoors life in the dunes at Coleman and Embarcadero. He, 52, and she, 45, didn’t have any warrants and so were only told of the City’s anti-camping ordinance and no doubt advised to skedaddle.
• Feb. 28: At 11:40 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana, police contacted a suspicious woman, 55, who logs allege was in possession of illegal drugs and drug paraphernalia. She got swept off to County Jail. A half hour earlier and in the same vicinity of the Creekbed Estates, a 55-year-old gent was found to have a warrant. He too went to the hoosegow.
• Feb. 28: Police contacted another suspicious fellow, 59, at 8:24 p.m. in the 800 block of The Boulevard. Logs indicated he reportedly had “an outstanding $850,000 misdemeanor warrant out of Kings County,” which, given that he was only cited and released, frankly makes little sense.
• Feb. 28: Someone turned in a wallet they found at a shopping center in the 700 block of Quintana.
• Feb. 27: Police responded at 6:15 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1100 block of Napa. A 31-year-old Philistine was arrested for suspicion of trespassing, felony vandalism, and disorderly conduct while drunk and stoned on drugs. He crashed in the lockup.
• Feb. 27: Someone damaged an electrical outlet in the 900 block of Piney Way, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Feb. 27: Police contacted a 37-year-old suspicious fellow in the 800 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated he was arrested for suspicion of vandalism under $400, for which a slap on the hinny is likely to be worse punishment.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at 10:35 p.m. to the area of Beachcomber and Whidbey St., for a disturbance. Logs indicated a 66-year-old man was arrested for suspicion of simple assault after he “slapped the victim with the back of his hand with an open palm.” Police slapped the cuffs on him.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at 5:33 p.m. to the area of Kern and MBB for a man causing a ruckus. Logs indicated they arrested a 36-year-old boisterous fellow for suspicion of disorderly conduct and being lit in public.
• Feb. 26: Police contacted a regular customer at 5:39 p.m. in the 900 block of MBB. Logs indicated the 37-year-old bail jumper had two felony warrants and was taken to see the judge.
• Feb. 26: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 1:14 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana Rd. She turned out to be wanted out of Kings County and was taken to the gaol to await a ride home.
• Feb. 26: Police came across another suspicious subject at 9:39 a.m. in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the 40-year-old woman had six bench warrants and was finally taken to jail to get them cleared up.
• Feb. 26: Police responded to an apparent roadside fire at 7 a.m. on Hwy 1 at the northbound Morro Bay Boulevard off ramp. Logs indicated a 49-year-old apparent firebug was arrested for suspicion of “causing a fire that resulted in great bodily injury.”
• Feb. 25: Police responded at 6 p.m. to the Rock parking lot where some idjit was spinning donuts in the dirt. The 22-year-old Evil Ken-knucklehead was cited for reckless driving and spun loose.
• Feb. 25: At 11:12 a.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow in the 1400 block of Quintana. Logs indicated he was booked for suspicion of possessing stolen treasures and being stoned on drugs, which explains a lot but is no excuse.
• Feb. 25: Police were called at 5 a.m. by Sierra Vista Hospital and told of a suspected spousal abuse victim they were treating. The alleged assault occurred in the 300 block of Sequoia. Police documented the incident.
• Feb. 24: Police responded to the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., after somebody charged off with an electric scooter.
• Feb. 24: Police responded to a report of a mentally disturbed person apparently causing a disturbance at 8:19 p.m. in the 600 block of San Jacinto.
• Feb. 24: A citizen in the 300 block of Island said some thief stole things of his or her vehicle. No word on the treasures taken, but the loss of trust is no doubt priceless.
• Feb. 24: Police responded at 12:37 p.m. to the 600 block of San Jacinto where a woman had apparently worn out her welcome. Logs indicated the 34-year old got hooked up for suspicion of being drunk and disorderly and trespassing. She was booked into County Jail, where everyone is equally welcome.
• Feb. 24: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time of 12:09 a.m. at Main and Radcliff. Logs indicated the 34-year-old driver was nicked for driving thick as a tick.
• Feb. 24: A citizen in the 2900 block of Cedar had their vehicle burgled and the thief made off with something of value, as police deemed it grand theft.
• Feb. 23: A citizen came to the police station to report someone had stolen his or her identity and used the bogus info to obtain money, which this poor Magoo will no doubt get stuck repaying.
• Feb. 23: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 10:13 a.m. in the 1000 block of Morro. Logs indicated he was picked up for suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia, his stash apparently already shot.
• Feb. 22: Police responded at 7:05 p.m. to McDonald’s in the 700 block of Quintana to check out an apparently suspicious fellow. Logs indicated the Ham-bungler, 39, was arrested for suspicion of being stoned on drugs, at McDonalds, which used to be a rite of passage.
• Feb. 22: Police responded to Quintana and Morro Bay Boulevard at 1:47 p.m. for a reported hit-n-split crash.
• Feb. 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:43 a.m. at Main and Harbor. Logs indicated the woman driver, 36, was cited for a suspended license and no insurance, hanging offenses in these parts.
• Feb. 21: Police stopped yet another suspicious vehicle at 8:50 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The woman driver, 55, hit the Daily Special — speeding, expired registration, suspended license and no insurance. She was cited but no word on whether her car was arrested.
• Feb. 21: Police were called at 4:11 p.m. to the 1600 block of Main for a disturbance. Logs indicated they contacted a 24-year-old squit who they allegedly found in possession of crank and a crack pipe, which coincidentally violated his probation, too, “Say Good Night Gracie…”
• Feb. 21: Police towed away a car from the 500 block of Bernardo for failure to feed the DMV beast its fill of blood money.
• Feb. 21: Police responded at 1:10 a.m. to the 700 block of Harbor where some model citizen was apparently raising Hell. The 27-year-old reveler was hauled off to jail for suspicion of being stoned on drugs, vandalism, and of course a bench warrant, as this was apparently not this cowboy’s first rodeo.
• Feb. 20: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:21 p.m. in the 200 block of Harbor. The driver, 36, was cited for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and paraphernalia. No word on whether he was going to or leaving the party at the time.
• Feb. 20: Police espied some dingus run a stop sign in the 200 block of Harbor (a stop everybody runs). Logs indicated he also had a suspended license, but he apparently had insurance.
• Feb. 20: Police are investigating a suspected case of elder abuse in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd.
• Feb. 20: Police are investigating a case of simple assault, which seems an oxymoron when talking about domestic violence, committed by some apparent moron in the 700 block of Harbor.
• Feb. 20: Police responded to City Park at 9:34 a.m. where a stylishly named fellow, 59, “was consensually contacted” which sounds positively naughty. He turned out to have quite a pair of bench warrants. He was issued a third disappearance ticket and released.
• Feb. 20: Someone reportedly took a vehicle from the 800 block of Marina without the consent of the owner. No word on if that was mom or dad’s car.
• Feb. 19: Police contacted a familiar fellow at 10:30 a.m. in City Park on Harbor Street. The 46-year-old scofflaw had six bench warrants and was arrested. He was first taken to the hospital to be checked out medically, and after apparently passing mustard, was checked into the no-star Parkinson Plaza.