• March 17: Someone found something of some unknown value somewhere around Main and Morro Bay Boulevard. Police have it now.
• March 17: Police responded at 3 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of MBB. Some mulish fool apparently violated a stay-the-hell away court order.
• March 17: Police responded at 2 p.m. to a burglary report at an office building in the 600 block of Harbor. Some sneak thief made off with radios and lanterns, in this week’s example that people will steal anything.
• March 17: At 1 a.m. police were called to the 500 block of Mimosa for some stinky skink stinking up the place with his behavior. The 33-year-old snallygaster was nicked for a slew of evil deeds —intimidation, resisting arrest, and of course drunk & disorderly. He checked into the County B&B.
• March 16: Police responded to a disturbance in the 300 block of Kern. Logs said the apparent lady of the house, 65, “pushed her husband down the stairs causing injuries to CV’s left forearm.” A report was begun in case he misses the elevator again.
• March 16: Police responded to the 2600 block of Ironwood for a disturbed individual causing some sort of disturbance. Police disturbed County Mental Health about the incident.
• March 16: Police responded to a storage facility in the 900 block of Allesandro, where someone’s buried treasures had been pirated by some scurvy dog.
• March 16: Someone found a duffle bag in the 1300 block of Main and gave it to police, there apparently being no one or nothing good inside.
• March 16: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 8 a.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. The 26-year-old apparent Swagman had an out-of-town warrant and was issued another to ignore and released.
• March 15: Police were called at 11:59 p.m. with a report of a vehicle stuck on the beach at the end of Atascadero Road. Apparently no vehicle was found, how high was the tide?
• March 15: Police responded at 5 p.m. to a car crash at Main and Morro Bay Boulevard. No word on the carnage.
• March 15: Someone parked in the 700 block of Embarcadero reported their license plate being stolen. Police called out the CSI Squad.
• March 15: Twice, suspicious bones were found in the Morro Creekbed at Lila Keiser Park. The first report was at 11:05 a.m. with a second report at 1:24 p.m.
• March 15: Police responded at noon to a traffic collision at Kern and Mesa, as the garage sale weekend traffic chaos apparently started early.
• March 14: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Harbor. Logs indicated the night owl was arrested for suspicion of hootin’ around in public while stoned on drugs, possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia. He crashed at the County detox center.
• March 14: Another parking lot demolition derby was reported at 8 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana. No injuries reported.
• March 14: Police responded at 10 a.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero for a report of someone finding human remains on the beach. No crime was reported, but nobody deserves that.
• March 14: Police recorded a case of identity theft reported by some unknown citizen in the 800 block of MBB. No word on how much the scoundrels took from their mark.
• March 14: Someone found a car key in the 700 block of Harbor and left it with police to unlock the mystery.
• March 14: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 6:46 a.m. in the 700 bloc of Harbor. Logs indicated the 39-year-old tragedy had a bench warrant, and was of course nicked after they allegedly found suspected illegal drugs and drug paraphernalia in his possession, it apparently being too early in the morning to already be stoned, too.
• March 13: Police towed away an offensive vehicle parked too long in the 700 block of Harbor.
• March 13: At 2:25 p.m. police contacted a suspicious woman, 47, at City Park in the 700 block of Harbor. Logs indicated the model citizen had four bench warrants. Officers issued a fifth disappearance ticket and master criminal was unloosed back onto the world.
• March 13: Some apparent chiseler passed a bad check in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd.
• March 13: Police hooked up another felonious fellow at 8:50 a.m. at City Park, who had a felony warrant. The 42-year-old gent was placed in the loving care of the screws at the County dungeon.
• March 12: Someone in the 900 block of the Boulevard said his or her vehicle got boosted.
• March 12: Police contacted a wanted dude at 5:19 p.m. in the 800 block of MBB. The 44-year-old scofflaw had one lousy warrant and police still took him to jail.
• March 12: Police espied some scruffy Philistine, 33, at 9:30 a.m. in the dunes at Coleman and Embarcadero. He also had just one warrant but was cited and released, apparently not worth the gas to haul to jail.
• March 12: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time 12:51 a.m. in the conspicuous area of Main and Surf. The 55-year-old woman driver was arrested for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and paraphernalia and the unforgiveable crime of fake registration tags. She was whooshed off to the hoosegow.
• March 11: At 11:30 p.m. an officer walking the beat at City Park reported finding some undisclosed something.
• March 11: Hitting on a theme this week, police found yet another suspicious model citizen at City Park. The 56-year-old nodcock had an extraditable out-of-state felony warrant and got to visit the Parkinson Plaza before his trip back where he came from.
• March 11: At 1:30 p.m. police responded to the 700 block of Quintana where they ran some poor Nillionaire out of the Creekbed Estates and cited the nomad for trespassing on private property, now a hanging offense in these parts.
• March 11: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 39, at 9:30 a.m. in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated she was arrested for suspicion of possessing a glass crack pipe; a curious case given there’s a smoke shop right there where you can legally buy a new one. This week’s example of “Welcome to Califreakornia!”