• March 31: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:49 a.m. in the 800 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated a 60-year-old woman driver was nicked for allegedly driving under the weather.
• March 30: And from the lost-found department … Police were notified of a missing person in the 2300 block of Peacock. Someone else found a bag in the 800 block of Embarcadero.
• March 29: Police responded to a disturbance at 10:35 p.m. in the 400 block of Yerba Buena. According to logs, a 17-year-old ruffian and police had a bit of a row with the kid getting the short end of the stick. Logs indicated the apparent miscreant was being charged with suspicion of two counts of disturbing the peace; two counts of assaulting police officers; an obstructing an EMT charge; violating a Juvenile Court order; and being an out-of-parental-control minor. The little squit was hauled off to juvenile hall.
• March 29: Police were called to a seasoned folks home on Teresa Drive after someone reported a battery. Logs indicated they didn’t find a victim.
• March 8: Police received two hit-n-split crash reports within a short time. The first was at 9:14 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The second was at 10:55 p.m. in the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd.
• March 28: At 9:30 p.m. police contacted an adult street urchin going all wooly-booger in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the 39-year-old hipster allegedly possessed a crack pipe but apparently no stash, as it was no doubt already up in smoke. She was cited and released to catch up with another day.
• March 28: Police towed off yet another car parked on Bonita Street for expired tags, no doubt a death sentenced for the bucket of bolts.
• March 28: Police contacted a repeat customer at 11:44 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. The 39-year-old apparently absent-minded lass had eight bench warrants and got arrested, again.
• March 28: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time of 12:50 a.m. in the 400 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 53, was nicked for suspicion of driving gassed.
• March 27: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:18 p.m. in the 3000 block of Main. Logs indicated the tool driver, 31, was arrested for suspicion of driving schnookered while on probation for a previous drunk driving conviction, as some fools never learn.
March 26: Police towed off yet another offending vehicle from the 900 block of Allesandro because its owner hadn’t bled for the DMV in too long a time.
• March 26: Yet another repeat customer was contacted at 10 p.m. in City Park in the 700 block of Harbor. The 53-year-old chap had multiple bench warrants and police also allegedly found drug paraphernalia on him.
• March 26: Police responded to the elementary school in the 300 block of Sequoia where they took a report involving an accused case of child abuse that reportedly occurred in 2012.
• March 26: Two different people turned in cell phones they found, one on the beach at Morro Rock, and the other in the 1700 block of Embarcadero. Yet another Good Samaritan citizen turned in a wallet that he or she found.
• March 26: Police responded at noon to a liquor store in the 900 block of Main. Logs indicated some sticky-fingered, thieving lush made off with a pair of sunglasses and a bottle of hooch.
• March 25: Police responded to a motel in the 1100 block of Main where a no-longer-welcomed guest was refusing to leave his room after checkout, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• March 25: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11:49 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the 34-year-old model citizen was nicked for suspicion of disorderly conduct and being schwasted on drugs, a potential case of just ‘cause it kills your liver, don’t mean it ain’t medicine.
• March 25: Police documented a reported case of suspected child abuse in the 400 block of Trinidad.
• March 24: Police responded to a loud dustup at 9:34 p.m. in the 3300 block of Panorama. Logs indicated a 42-year-old apparently mulish boor was arrested for alleged abuse of his spouse, false imprisonment and violating a stay-away order. He was Shanghaied off to the County lockup.
• March 24: Police were called to a disturbance at 6:15 p.m. in the 800 block of Main, where they contacted a 27-year-old fellow with a Heavenly name. The devilish anti-Christ was nicked on a warrant and suspicion of giving in to libation temptation. He was nailed to the cross of justice at the County Jail but was no doubt resurrected and released by now.
• March 23: Police towed away an offensive vehicle with expired tags at 1:12 p.m. The POS was parked at Greenwood and Elena.
• March 22: Police responded to the Tobacco Plus Store in 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd., at 3:30 p.m. and started a crime report for “simple assault,” a misnomer for so personal an offense.
• March 22: Someone turned in a cell phone they found somewhere on the Embarcadero. Call the number if you lost yours.
• March 22: Police responded somewhere in the 800 block of Quintana sometime around 7:45 a.m. where some dingus was actin’ a fooligan. The swizzle stick, 49, was nicked for suspicion of being too drunk to be left amongst the straights.
• March 21: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 11:16 p.m. somewhere on Main Street. The lady driver was hauled to the hoosegow for suspicion of being wet behind the wheel.
• March 21: A woman reported at 9:06 p.m. that she was assaulted in the 800 block of Main. Police filed a report.
• March 20: Police contacted a wanted man at 11:30 p.m. in the 800 block of Quintana. The 49-year-old fellow had a bench warrant and so was apparently frisked by officers who allegedly found illegal drugs and paraphernalia, no doubt stashed somewhere you don’t want to know. He was of course cited and released to catch another day.
• March 20: Police were called at 9:41 p.m. to the Masterpiece Inn in the 1200 block of Main. Logs indicated some scoundrel stole two bicycles.
• March 20: Police opened up an elder financial abuse case in the 2000 block of Clark Rd. No word on who did it.
• March 19: Police were notified of an abandoned car in the 500 block of Kings. The registration was expired and the vehicle will be sacrificed to the great God DMV.
• March 19: Police noted the arrest of an inebriated woman, 66, at 10:15 a.m. at Harbor and Napa. She was apparently having a bag lady moment in public and got arrested for a D&D. First they took her to the hospital for a medical evaluation, and clearing that, she was jailed, which no doubt made her just sick.
• March 19: Police contacted a suspicious woman, 22, at 8:33 a.m. at Monterey and Beach. The scofflaw had three bench warrants and was issued another gag gift and released, in a case of see you in about a month…
• March 18: Police responded at 5:50 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1000 block of Main. They wound up arresting a 23-year-old hombre for suspicion of getting stupid in public.
• March 18: Police responded at 2:37 p.m. to a disturbance in the 400 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated a 35-year-old battleaxe allegedly violated a domestic violence, stay-the-Hell-away from your spouse court order but she was apparently not arrested, this time.